I'm a friendless fuck.

[ChildOfLove]

What the title says. I ended up scaring away even the only friend that I had. His girlfriend had to come between us because I wouldn't stop harassing him in hopes of getting a reply back. He has successfully cut me out of his life even though he knew about my plans to ctb. Now I have to spend my last few (hopefully) days alone. I have failed my only friendship and can't wait to finally leave this shit world. Nobody wants or needs or loves me. I am a fucking parasite. I have proven that I am not worthy of anything good in life. Thankfully my SN is on its way but the wait is unbearable. Hopefully I can leave peacefully by the end of this month. I am sure that even if he said he hoped I wouldn't go through with it he secretly would be happy if I just fucked off for good. And you bet I will. This will be my last effort to do good, in the only way I still can.

 

[Namelesa]

I am really sorry about this :< I felt like this too with how many people leave me cus how much of an emotional burden I am but only way for me to cope with life is to rely on people so I don't know what I can do so I feel like killing myself would do more good than me sticking around. Whatever you choose or happens I hope you can escape your pain through someone that actually values you or with a painless ctb <3

 

[getoutgirl]

I'm sorry you lost your one friend. I can't understate how big of an impact that can have. The loss itself is almost as hard as letting go and accepting it later. And it gets Hard. So again I'm sorry.

This is my opinion and you may not like it and that's ok too, but I gotta get it out. I don't think killing yourself would be doing any good to anyone. That's pretty much it. I know it may seem like it will and it present itself very clearly like that. I think so at times. But really it doesn't. If they said they hoped you wouldn't go through with it I'm inclined to think they meant it, and would not be happier if you died. Thinking so and framing it that way, as a good act and favor you'd be doing, may make it easier and more inevitable. But I don't think it is it.

Whatever you do, I hope these days can get a little easier to go through for you. I don't think you are unworthy of anything good, and I don't know you. And I also don't think you should spend these days alone, regardless if they are your last or not. So please do share and vent whatever you may feeling if you think it can help just a lil, we will be here for you.
Lots of hugs at ya <333

 

[yowai]

He definitely wouldn't be happy if you go through with it, he is/was your friend after all so there's still a part of him that cares for you maybe it was just too much for him to handle or your relationship got toxic. I'm sorry it turned out like that, if you decide to keep living you can work through your issues and make them manageable enough to make some new friends or even reconcile with that guy you talked about, it's not all gone. I was in a group chat some time ago with a few guys and they talked about their distant friend who has mental health issues and even though they don't really vibe with him anymore they still wish him all the best and feel bad about him being so troubled

 

[Wolf Girl]

I get it. I'm so sorry. I also don't think this should be your reason for ctb.

This is just my case, but In December my favorite person in my life cut me out of theirs. I was going to hang myself in January because of it and wrote them a long letter. I didn't go through with it. Four months later, I definitely wouldn't ctb over this person and I have found new people.

I don't know what other reasons you have for ctb, but... please don't let a relationship ending be the one thing that takes you out. I get how much it hurts. I really do. But it hurts less over time.

 

[ChildOfLove]

I get it. I'm so sorry. I also don't think this should be your reason for ctb.

This is just my case, but In December my favorite person in my life cut me out of theirs. I was going to hang myself in January because of it and wrote them a long letter. I didn't go through with it. Four months later, I definitely wouldn't ctb over this person and I have found new people.

I don't know what other reasons you have for ctb, but... please don't let a relationship ending be the one thing that takes you out. I get how much it hurts. I really do. But it hurts less over time.

I am sorry to hear about your story. I have already tried to ctb over this person when he abandoned me last year in May (I don't want to relive that extremely traumatic time of the year which is why I am set on ctb before the end of April) and things never got better after that, even though I tried to get help. I never found other friends. In fact throughout my life he has been the only friend I have ever had. Literally. But I digress. Then he came back in December and I did try to work things out with him. Though it quickly became clear to me that I was just ruining his life by being in it.
Time doesn't heal me. It makes the pain less and less manageable.

He definitely wouldn't be happy if you go through with it, he is/was your friend after all so there's still a part of him that cares for you maybe it was just too much for him to handle or your relationship got toxic. I'm sorry it turned out like that, if you decide to keep living you can work through your issues and make them manageable enough to make some new friends or even reconcile with that guy you talked about, it's not all gone.

In the long run he will undoubtedly get better and recover from the damage that I've caused if I leave now. I'm framing my death as a gift because it also helps with the resolve.

This was me trying to reconcile with him by the way, after he had left months prior. I made a lot of posts about it and feel like a broken record cause that is all I am about. People don't quite understand what it means to have no one all your fucking life and then meeting someone who becomes your friend and inevitably the center of your world. Your only anchor and support. And when you lose them and your life without them already sucks for other reasons, there is really no way to keep going.