im a coward, any suggestion?

[dandan]

So I'm nearly 40 years old
and I have nothing, as if I had twenty years.
I did not build a family, a business, made money or anything.
just worked, and survived, depressed.... now that im turning 40....
I believe I have the choice.
a. continue living poorly
b. ctb
c. fuck everyone and anything and make my bitcoin lottery or system with friends, make money, work on it, and thats it... try to enjoy

how is cowardness related to ctb?? cause I have not done many things cause im a coward,
I dont care what happens
I dont care if the end is good or bad
I havent done many things, not because im afraid of others or of the result... but because im a coward period.

yeah, I've been a coward my whole life,
I have a job, and im a coward, I think im not going to be able, im a coward, that is not good, no no no... anyone can help me ?

I dont care about what my boss thinks of me, or what he would say, im just a coward and dont speak

What am I fucking afraid of?

its like if im afraid of myself? damm...

 

[First loss]

You are like future me. I too, was afraid of many things. I have defeated some of my fears but many stayed. I know that i'll kill myself so I practically don't give a fuck about anything and don't spare my words, actions, nothing. Just start doing things you want. It is scary at first, but once you get the hang of it, it becomes quite enjoyable.

On the topic of being afraid of ctb, survival instinct is quite strong to be honest. There are multiple ways to avoid it, for example, doing tests and pushing it further and further.

 

[Alchemist]

I wish I had a solution, my cowardice also keeps me suffering.

 

[Severen]

When did being a coward = not being a lemming?

 

[dandan]

i dont care and I dont know what you mean by being a lemming haha

plus, like that guy said above , I know I will kill myself, I have my N .... in the fridge....

so I really dont give a fuck about anything that said to me, or happen, what I've been a coward is from myself not doing things, so this guy said like many others, just start doing and soon you will enjoy it....

I guess im gonna have to start NOW , doing little things I enjoy
doing little things I want to get done and I dont enjoy, <--- this is very powerful stuff,

 

[LaBrava]

God, I wish I had N

 

[Santiago]

Guys I think he is trying to tell us that he is a coward

 

[dandan]

sure, drinking N would be the easy task..... living is whats difficult, well not living, but thriving, getting things done, fulfill my own expectations, effort, push, give it all or die trying, damm...

God, I wish I had N

it sures helps me, knowing I have it in my fridge.... why dont you get yours?
money? I work , I dont love my job, but thats how I was able to get money
then went looking for someone who sells N
because that was tough... finding a vet shop

good luck getting your N

so I practically don't give a fuck about anything and don't spare my words, actions, nothing.

I also know im could die,
and I really dont give a fuck,
if it doesnt work I dont give a fuck, anyways , im about very close to kill myself with my N....
so I can attempt to live like that....

but are you actually doing it? or just saying it?
two very different things!!

 

[Alchemist]

sure, drinking N would be the easy task..... living is whats difficult, well not living, but thriving, getting things done, fulfill my own expectations, effort, push, give it all or die trying, damm...

it sures helps me, knowing I have it in my fridge.... why dont you get yours?
money? I work , I dont love my job, but thats how I was able to get money
then went looking for someone who sells N
because that was tough... finding a vet shop

good luck getting your N


I also know im could die,
and I really dont give a fuck,
if it doesnt work I dont give a fuck, anyways , im about very close to kill myself with my N....
so I can attempt to live like that....

but are you actually doing it? or just saying it?
two very different things!!

Lucky you! I have been unable to get and after my only lead became a dud I started to feel trapped again. For now I have only manic episodes, but everyday feels harder to hold to false hopes.

 

[LaBrava]

it sures helps me, knowing I have it in my fridge.... why dont you get yours?
money?

Yup, money basically. My current job is poverty level, I hardly make enough to live. May try to sell some stuff to raise funds but I'm in such poor shape the energy is hard to find and all the hoops to go through just feel too much. If I had money on hand I'd do it.

 

[Dead beat dad]

So I'm nearly 40 years old
and I have nothing, as if I had twenty years.
I did not build a family, a business, made money or anything.
just worked, and survived, depressed.... now that im turning 40....
I believe I have the choice.
a. continue living poorly
b. ctb
c. fuck everyone and anything and make my bitcoin lottery or system with friends, make money, work on it, and thats it... try to enjoy

how is cowardness related to ctb?? cause I have not done many things cause im a coward,
I dont care what happens
I dont care if the end is good or bad
I havent done many things, not because im afraid of others or of the result... but because im a coward period.

yeah, I've been a coward my whole life,
I have a job, and im a coward, I think im not going to be able, im a coward, that is not good, no no no... anyone can help me ?

I dont care about what my boss thinks of me, or what he would say, im just a coward and dont speak

What am I fucking afraid of?

its like if im afraid of myself? damm...

Have you live with depression all your days?
My story is very similar to yours in respect of viewing myself as a coward.
I always accepted that I was junk and life was destined to be shit, and I would always secretly smile to myself inwardly when the going got tough because I could always CTB.
I think this is common in suicidal people, they are unable to effectively plan for the future as they cannot see themselves living in it
But here I am, and if I learned anything from the movies of John Travolta it is you don't fuck the future, the future fucks you.
Good luck brother.
DBD

 

[Alan James]

I am also a coward. You are not alone. I am incredibly afraid of pain - this is my phobia (therefore CTB extremely difficult for me, it is also a way to redeem my cowardice at least once in my whole life). I have been a coward all my life, if I had more courage and willpower, maybe everything would have been different.

 

[Xaphous]

What qualifies as not being a coward? What would you have to do to not see yourself as a coward?

 

[itsallover]

The current system of life wasn't made for everyone to play. Some of us just aren't good at it me included because you basically have to be a savage money hungry piece of shut to play. Just at who is leading America and you tell me. I wish I had time to answer more interesting forums like this but I really gotta do this now. To answer your question just drink yourself to oblivion with your method 8n mind and you'll have that liquid courage to release you from life.

 

[dandan]

What qualifies as not being a coward? What would you have to do to not see yourself as a coward?

Doing my "thing" you see , I have 7 years with a "project" ,
that if I had done 7 years ago, I would have been the founder member of a millionaire group.
Cause I was shilling Bitcoin when it was $30usd.
But then my personality seriously became a coward....

and now with Bitcoin at 8k
and now I want to start my thing...
the very same thing I was going to do when Bitcoin was $30
Im a coward , because now I dont do it because "its to late"
although volatility doesnt affect much my project
but it would have been fantastic if I had done 7 years ago

 

[Rollo]

So I'm nearly 40 years old
and I have nothing, as if I had twenty years.
I did not build a family, a business, made money or anything.
just worked, and survived, depressed.... now that im turning 40....
I believe I have the choice.
a. continue living poorly
b. ctb
c. fuck everyone and anything and make my bitcoin lottery or system with friends, make money, work on it, and thats it... try to enjoy

how is cowardness related to ctb?? cause I have not done many things cause im a coward,
I dont care what happens
I dont care if the end is good or bad
I havent done many things, not because im afraid of others or of the result... but because im a coward period.

yeah, I've been a coward my whole life,
I have a job, and im a coward, I think im not going to be able, im a coward, that is not good, no no no... anyone can help me ?

I dont care about what my boss thinks of me, or what he would say, im just a coward and dont speak

What am I fucking afraid of?

its like if im afraid of myself? damm...

My suggestion would be for you to be more honest with yourself about what you're being afraid of. It's definitely not yourself. Unless you have an alter ego that would harm you for all kinds of stuff. So you saying you don't care what happens, whether the end is bad - it's the opposite of being a coward. Same way you not caring what your boss thinks of you and what he would say is the opposite of being a coward and not speaking up.

 

[Ruffian]

Doing my "thing" you see , I have 7 years with a "project" ,
that if I had done 7 years ago, I would have been the founder member of a millionaire group.
Cause I was shilling Bitcoin when it was $30usd.
But then my personality seriously became a coward....

and now with Bitcoin at 8k
and now I want to start my thing...
the very same thing I was going to do when Bitcoin was $30
Im a coward , because now I dont do it because "its to late"
although volatility doesnt affect much my project
but it would have been fantastic if I had done 7 years ago

I know what you mean about being a coward, I think. My sense of cowardice is from just being totally ashamed of who I am in a deep and profound way I can't shake. That comes from some pretty shitty experiences growing up, it's my family. My sister & I are both really unstable. I wish I had advice to help, but. damn it's hard to look back on mistakes. Mine was never missing out financially like that, but I definitely never pictured myself being this big of a failure with such a low standard of living.

 

[dandan]

I've tried

My suggestion would be for you to be more honest with yourself about what you're being afraid of..

I've definitely search for it, what am I afraid of that keeps me locked up? Like a coward.
I just can't find it.... I will have to do something soon and you'll know about it

 

[Apostle]

On the topic of being afraid of ctb, survival instinct is quite strong to be honest. There are multiple ways to avoid it, for example, doing tests and pushing it further and further.

Don't forget alcohol, that's pretty much my main hope for pushing through the fear and SI. Though I know it still won't do all the work, I expect it will be at least a decent help.

 

[Rollo]

I've tried
I've definitely search for it, what am I afraid of that keeps me locked up? Like a coward.
I just can't find it.... I will have to do something soon and you'll know about it

You see things that people are afraid of - they are well-known. Death, pain, injury, judgement, loss of wealth etc. Nothing really new under the Sun. So these same things is what you're afraid of as well.

 

[dandan]

You see things that people are afraid of - they are well-known. Death, pain, injury, judgement, loss of wealth etc. Nothing really new under the Sun. So these same things is what you're afraid of as well.

thanks for making it simple, simply judgement,
but because what I want to do is really way off.... but I still like it very much and think is positive and for the good of humanity, maybe even the future


but back to the point, I have not dare to do what I have to do.... 7 years now... .and I was suicidal before that idea happened.
Actually I was considering jumping from the 10th floor balcony of the department I was renting....
and instead of jumping this idea came in... took away my depression and became an obsession, I substitued my depression with an obsession
and my obsession took charge, fucked my life....
and now the one thing I got left, is my idea and what I wanted to build....
damm...

 

[Rollo]

thanks for making it simple, simply judgement,
but because what I want to do is really way off.... but I still like it very much and think is positive and for the good of humanity, maybe even the future


but back to the point, I have not dare to do what I have to do.... 7 years now... .and I was suicidal before that idea happened.
Actually I was considering jumping from the 10th floor balcony of the department I was renting....
and instead of jumping this idea came in... took away my depression and became an obsession, I substitued my depression with an obsession
and my obsession took charge, fucked my life....
and now the one thing I got left, is my idea and what I wanted to build....
damm...

So what's the idea? What you want to do?

 

[omoidarui]

the cowardly thing to do would be to live on in suffering to fulfil society's expectations. doing something about it is never cowardly

 

[TheBlackSwordsman]

I'm nearing 40 too. Similar situation: didnt build a family, no business, I haven't even had even one longterm relationships. What's worse, I did make some money. My job pays decently enough, and I do a thing or two on the side. I remember i was making money on the side and i was supposed to invest in netflix and i never did it. Would have been omw to being a millionaire if I had. Instead I wish I could forget the things I did with the bulk of those thousands of dollars. Then i was supposed to invest in facebook when it was only $22 a share but I listened to stupid analysts on televison. I missed that too. Any number of stocks. I remember not paying attention to bitcoin back in 2012. There's more. Just too many stupid decisions too many character defects and I display aspects of deviant behavior. I'm tired of f*cking up. And, from this point i feel like its too late: things I cant change or take back, choices and consequences I now have to live with for the rest of my days. Thats how I know I likely will not die anytime soon unless its by my own hand. Not sure if anyone here is familiar with the custom of when someone is talking about you and then you show up right afterwards, the saying is"you will live long." I cant count how many times that has happened to me. If only those people knew that I oftentimes wish to die, that I do not wake up in the morning happy, but distraught that I am able to open my eyes and see another day. It's not that I really want to die, its more that I do not want to live in the life I have created for myself with my poor choices, cowardice, and weakness of character. Someone else should have received my life years and opportunities and it wouldnt have been wasted.

 

[Alucard]

To be a coward means fail to fulfil a duty... Or, life is not a duty : we have not chosen to live and there is no God (or a God sadistic...)... So, you are not a coward.

 

[dandan]

So what's the idea? What you want to do?

its a little secret, but let me do it in couple weeks and I will let you know when its done. im tired of saying what I want to do and not doing it, I already commit myself to do it in the next couple of weeks, or 3 weeks, I said 22 of June, so I hope I make it happen

 

[nirvana]

its a little secret, but let me do it in couple weeks and I will let you know when its done. im tired of saying what I want to do and not doing it, I already commit myself to do it in the next couple of weeks, or 3 weeks, I said 22 of June, so I hope I make it happen

Good Luck with your Project! May you suceed!

 

[dandan]

So what's the idea? What you want to do?

actually I want to make money saving stray dogs, thats the #1 plan, if it works at least just in the beginning, I'll try something else that I want to do... but that is the main thing.... make money saving stray dogs, that would make me happy, and the dogs too, and that makes me feel good, cause I like them dogs, and cats, and birds, I have a stray, injured bird where I live, he's very scared but I give him food,

yeah, that is what I want to build for myself

 

[nirvana]

Thats a great idea! as an animal Lover myself i tried to find Purpose in helping animals and it really does help a lot! if i were to stick around longer i would certainly join another animal support Group such as helping turtles, whales and other sea animals because of all the plastic in the Ocean and also supporting of Course stray dogs, cats and other poor animals. while some human beings can be very mean, animals are Always pure at heart and so thankful and loving when they receive some love and affection.

 

[BloodOnTheLeaves]

Lucky you! I have been unable to get and after my only lead became a dud I started to feel trapped again. For now I have only manic episodes, but everyday feels harder to hold to false hopes.

I'm new here. What is "n"?