i'll never be one of them

[lemonbunny]

does anybody else have this feeling that's driving them to ctb?

i've never felt like i truly fit in anywhere. i'm too anxious to even participate in normal, everyday activities. everyone i know looks down on me somehow. now i hate seeing people, being perceived, having to interact with them. i just want to curl up in a hole and die.

some people tell me they feel the same way, but even they have friend groups and support systems and careers that i'll never have. it's not just a feeling for me; it's a reality. i don't see how i'm mentally ill if none of my reasons are untrue.

 

[divinemistress36]

I'm to anxious to participate in anything to. It's such an isolating life

 

[FERAL_FRENZY]

You get it!! Took the words right outta my mouth ^^ It feels like everyone's got that special person/ special group of people to confide in, and you just…don't. Everyone sticks to each other like glue, but you're just left to isolate yourself. (And isolation can be absolutely exhausting and suffocating.) It hurts to see people getting the help and care you've always wanted. (2x worse if they're going through the same shit you are.) Humans are social creatures, and everyone deserves a shoulder to lean on. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I pray you find someone who'll truly come to care for and assist you. :)

 

[Vicolo cieco]

some people tell me they feel the same way, but even they have friend groups and support systems and careers that i'll never have. it's not just a feeling for me; it's a reality. i don't see how i'm mentally ill if none of my reasons are untrue.

They can't even fathom what having extreme levels of social anxiety entails. I have avoidant personality disorder: I can't pass oral exams, make friends, get a girlfriend, etc. The only way to reduce anxiety for me is to live like a recluse.

 

[cowboypants]

does anybody else have this feeling that's driving them to ctb?

i've never felt like i truly fit in anywhere. i'm too anxious to even participate in normal, everyday activities. everyone i know looks down on me somehow. now i hate seeing people, being perceived, having to interact with them. i just want to curl up in a hole and die.

some people tell me they feel the same way, but even they have friend groups and support systems and careers that i'll never have. it's not just a feeling for me; it's a reality. i don't see how i'm mentally ill if none of my reasons are untrue.

I don't know what hurts more, being isolated in home or feel bad you are alone around people.

I like being isolated it numbs that atleast.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Yes I feel like that a lot of time. I hate interacting with humans. I can only handle 1-2 ppl max

 

[Covert]

Social awkwardness and the inability to deal with people has ruined my life. Everything important involves interacting with people.

I want to be alone most of the time, but my primitive brain craves connection and I fear that I've wasted my life.

You aren't mentally ill, how you feel is completely natural and human.

 

[BoredAndAll]

I've accepted that my "support system" is quite superficial, nothing against my friends. On a good day, I might get 1 text from 1 person. Honestly, I can't blame my friends for not being there when I'm an avoidant attachment type. My anxiety keeps feeding me the idea that I don't actually feel true affection towards those closest to me. I'm still socially awkward with even my "closest" friends: can't show support without feeling fake asf with every word I say, don't know how to check up on people, keep my problems to myself as to not burden anybody. When the time comes that I truly need support (soon), I doubt my system could/would want to provide meaningful help. So I've some to the conclusion that I need to ctb. I just can't deal with life.

 

[pollux]

Yeah. I learned very early in my life that I'd spend it mostly alone.

That by itself wouldn't be such a problem honestly; if I could become something I respect at least I could feel proud of myself. Alas.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

does anybody else have this feeling that's driving them to ctb?

i've never felt like i truly fit in anywhere. i'm too anxious to even participate in normal, everyday activities. everyone i know looks down on me somehow. now i hate seeing people, being perceived, having to interact with them. i just want to curl up in a hole and die.

some people tell me they feel the same way, but even they have friend groups and support systems and careers that i'll never have. it's not just a feeling for me; it's a reality. i don't see how i'm mentally ill if none of my reasons are untrue.

It is awful that you feel this way.

...Though if a person or group looks down on you then why would you want to be one of them? A person who mistreats another person simply for not fitting the checks of a clique is horrible behavior, and any attempt at trying to modify yourself just to try and assimilate could make you feel even worse mentally.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

I believe I was destined for that from the start. Undiagnosed ASD has been a gift and a curse for my whole life, and having been born into an unhappy family with an alcoholic dad did not help either.

 

[lemonbunny]

Yeah. I learned very early in my life that I'd spend it mostly alone.

That by itself wouldn't be such a problem honestly; if I could become something I respect at least I could feel proud of myself. Alas.

this is EXACTLY me in my youth i held onto the idea that i could just focus on having a decent career and self improvement even if i didn't have any friends, but i've failed at even that. now everything's over

It is awful that you feel this way.

...Though if a person or group looks down on you then why would you want to be one of them? A person who mistreats another person simply for not fitting the checks of a clique is horrible behavior, and any attempt at trying to modify yourself just to try and assimilate could make you feel even worse mentally.

the awful thing is that cutting off everyone who does that just left me with no friends. i can almost see a case for sticking it out because it's exceedingly rare to find people who aren't obsessed with social status at my age

 

[Superdeterminist]

Yeah, I never learned to drive, I barely worked, and I've never had a relationship. I have always wanted all of those things, the trappings of normalcy, but when it came to actually trying to achieve them I found little motivation, and any attempts I did make were painful and quickly withered into failure. I really wanted to be one of those beautiful successful people, but it never happened for me. Losing out on that dream hurts too much to bear.

 

[Dusk till dawn]

I understand that, I always felt so empty and shallow, i was so tired and anxious to interact with people

 

[Sprite_Geist]

the awful thing is that cutting off everyone who does that just left me with no friends. i can almost see a case for sticking it out because it's exceedingly rare to find people who aren't obsessed with social status at my age

This is a very difficult position to be in. You will either be caused distress by being among horrible company, or you will be caused distress by being isolated... what can you do in this situation? I really wish there was an answer for you.

Do you have any interests or hobbies? If you want company - kinder company - it could be worth searching for online communities that share the same interests as you?

 

[MapleSyrupVein]

i feel this a lot i know i have options but the idea of going out genuinely scares me more then just CtB and going. when i talk to people on calls in discord i feel like im not even there and im never "there"

 

[lex]

Yeah same. I feel like I can't even relate to other depressed people anymore. Whenever you say you feel depressed, people will say "just reach out to someone". Reach out to whom? I have literally no one lol. I recently went to group therapy thing and it was all just relationship drama and "my kid doesn't behave in school". I felt so out of place. Can't fit in anywhere. I feel like I completely lost touch with the rest of humanity.

 

[femaletwink]

I feel it completely, I always see people having fun and leaning on each other and supporting each other and it feels so isolating. Maybe it's my fault but idk it still hurts a lot, loneliness is probably the best option but damn if it doesn't kill you inside.