Venting i'll just keep exhausting people

[batmanreal]

i can't talk to anyone without bringing their mood down. good conversations just can't happen. i always feel like shit, i'm always thinking about killing myself, i never have anything positive to say. of course, i remain positive for the sake of the conversation and to avoid awkwardness or making others uncomfortable. it all feels so empty, though. there's no connection being made when i do that shit. i've driven most people away with my constant misery, but i also drive people away when i keep a wall up. no matter which one i choose, the conversations are shit.
there's no use in having people in my life, i can't vent or even have casual conversations, but i'm so lonely. i'm so tired of not having anyone, but having people in my life just ends in more hurt. i can't wait for everything to end, i'm so tired of this. i just want someone to talk to who won't leave me, but a person like that simply doesn't exist.
basically, this image is what pops into my head whenever i consider venting to someone:

 

[AntsInARow]

Similar boat here. my family have straight up told me I exhaust them and whenever i get too close with someone they get too sick of the negativity and self-destructiveness. to stay I don't really think being open and genuine really works when your an emotional train wreck, sooner or later the other person gets burnt out ig.

 

[kunikuzushi]

I feel exactly the same. I get that people don't want to be around negativity all the time. But if that's truly how I feel all the time, then that means no one really accepts or cares about the real me. I'm sorry you face this loneliness too.

 

[batmanreal]

Similar boat here. my family have straight up told me I exhaust them and whenever i get too close with someone they get too sick of the negativity and self-destructiveness. to stay I don't really think being open and genuine really works when your an emotional train wreck, sooner or later the other person gets burnt out ig.

i'm sorry to hear that you're going through a similar struggle, and it's horrible that you had to hear that from your own family. it's really so tough and exhausting. nearly everyone i've gotten close to has told me that i could come to them for anything, that they'd be there for me no matter what, and that i'm free to vent whenever i need it; but they've all gotten exhausted and left me. i can't even be upset with them—when it comes to people like us, it seems that people just don't understand what they'll be getting themselves into when they make those promises. i just feel bad for draining people who most likely wanted to help me. i hope you find some peace soon.

 

[whywhywhy]

I feel exactly the same. I get that people don't want to be around negativity all the time. But if that's truly how I feel all the time, then that means no one really accepts or cares about the real me. I'm sorry you face this loneliness too.

I sincerely think most people dont really care about others including myself and yourself unless they bring some positivity in their lives. Unconditional love is very rare. Thats why I really like animals.

 

[kunikuzushi]

I sincerely think most people dont really care about others including myself and yourself unless they bring some positivity in their lives. Unconditional love is very rare. Thats why I really like animals.

I agree. I believe everyone just keeps others in their lives for some gain. That's just how it is.