Venting I’ll be writing a visual novel in place of a suicide letter

[princeseadove]

To be honest, I really really did try. Maybe I'll regret this later on, but I think I really do need to die. I felt.. okay. I felt okay the past summer, but now with everything, I just feel really tired. With my BPD everything keeps on going up and down, up and down. But in reality, things have just been getting worse and keep on getting worse. No matter how much I try to help myself, it's never enough in the end.

It's ironic, very ironic that my last straw comes from a broken promise yet again. I knew it was going to be broken from the very very beginning, yet I still held on to hope. I do this all the time. But what really came was when a friend had ghosted me. That friend was the only one who really tried to understand me or even talk with me. But unfortunately I'm extremely irreplaceable. I feel like Circe, or Sayo Yasuda. I'm someone you can make dweet promises too, and I take them to heart while you already forgotten all about it. I'm always sad all the time with nothing going on, chronic depression with autism and BPD… just lethal.

In for my death, I want to write a visual novel. I have been thinking about it for a while, and I'm extremely free now that I am taking a gap year with just some minor things to attend too. This year I will die, but I at least want to create something beloved. I always loved writing and my art… I have never been able to do a big project due to my mental illnesses and work, but this time around… I want knowledge that this'll be my first and final project as sonething to be happy with. After this, I won't be in any pain anymore. It'll make for a good creepypasta I think. In lieu of a suicide letter, I'll create a story that embodies everything I loved and everything I looked forward too. Not a story of me though, my characters. Who cares if it's good or if it's revolutionary anymore, as long as I can have the thought I had done something with my supposed talents, it'll be enough. Whether it even grows big or not, will be my cat box. Both possibilities exist simultaneously, but I won't be there to see it open. For me, that box will stay shut forever and I want to keep it shut. And when I die, I hope to wake up to a better life filled with love and less knifes.

 

[amor.dor]

If you have nothing left to lose and you're going to die anyway, then write with all your soul. I think it might really be worth it — who knows what kind of epiphany you might have along the way? I think it's a good idea.

 

[princeseadove]

If you have nothing left to lose and you're going to die anyway, then write with all your soul. I think it might really be worth it — who knows what kind of epiphany you might have along the way? I think it's a good idea.

that's what I'm most excited about too. I'm not good with expressing myself verbally, but with writing and characters and all that stuff I really do enjoy and love. I have written dozens of suicide letters, but they don't capture /me/ as does my writing I think. I hope whatever epiphany I have will make for something really good

 

[amor.dor]

that's what I'm most excited about too. I'm not good with expressing myself verbally, but with writing and characters and all that stuff I really do enjoy and love. I have written dozens of suicide letters, but they don't capture /me/ as does my writing I think. I hope whatever epiphany I have will make for something really good

I believe that for good writing, you must write for yourself. Beyond being honest with your own ideas, being honest also means accepting that what you've written might be bad, but also knowing how to accept when it's good. But in any case, epiphanies only arise when you are quiet and focused on what you want to do. They come; you don't need to force them.

 

[lollipoppi]

This sounds like a fantastic idea, too bad it standa for a suicide letter. You really seem to have a good heart (I really felt the part about promises), I hope it won't bother you when I say I hope things changes for you so both you and the novel can stay.

 

[princeseadove]

This sounds like a fantastic idea, too bad it standa for a suicide letter. You really seem to have a good heart (I really felt the part about promises), I hope it won't bother you when I say I hope things changes for you so both you and the novel can stay.

Thank you, it's a very difficult decision but I can't go up from here unfortunately. My novel will be staying though… in a way, it'll be a true extension of myself, so it'll almost be like I never left!

I believe that for good writing, you must write for yourself. Beyond being honest with your own ideas, being honest also means accepting that what you've written might be bad, but also knowing how to accept when it's good. But in any case, epiphanies only arise when you are quiet and focused on what you want to do. They come; you don't need to force them.

Youre right.. alk this time I really focused on how people thought of my work. There was a time I didn't, there was a fime I completely trusted myself, and that was my best work. It's been two years now though, and after being so discouraged for so long it made me really weak hearted. I just can't waut, to be my pure and genuine self