I’ll always be alone

[bl33ding_heart]

During my lowest lows where I wanna die more than anything in the world I'll always have absolutely no one by my side. I'll always be there for them through thick and thin but that ever being reciprocated is a pipe dream. I don't understand why it's so difficult for anyone to give even a slither of a fuck about me. Maybe I'm too kind for my own good so people just use me and see me as some emotional support human rather than an actual living breathing person with thoughts and feelings. I'll be sobbing my eyes out and hyperventilating on my bathroom floor with no one to help ease my pain besides my blades. I genuinely can't do this by myself. I don't like being a burden to others but I physically can't do it alone. I've never gotten actual help cus where I'm from they just like to address the condition you have and then put you on an unbearably long waiting list. To the point you'll just kill yourself long before you're able to even try. I'm just too tired to even try to get better at this point. I think I'll just walk to the nearest train station despite it being far away and lie on the tracks and peacefully await my demise.

 

[ceriseange♡]

I'm so so sorry, angel. I know that feeling and I know it well. It's suffocating in so many indescribable ways. You seem like someone who gives so much out of pure kindness and I'm sorry the same isn't being extended to you in return :( The medical / mental health system is incredibly hard to navigate. I'm American so I don't know how our systems differ exactly but here you either play therapist roulette if you're able to find one actively accepting new patient or being terrified to be honest in case you get sectioned (which is even worse)

You ARE a person with thoughts and feelings and those deserved to be acknowledged and treated with kindness. You deserve as much as you give and I'm sorry you're not getting it. Sending you so much love, lovely :( <3

 

[ljl]

This is exactly how I feel.
I'll beg my partner to stop being cruel to me, I'll be hysterical on the floor crying begging him to stop putting me down, telling him I can't take it, all I need is a hug, but he always refuses, and it's not just him, my whole life has been this way, so I know that I'm the problem.
I would never allow a loved one to have to sit with this despair while knowing I could help them, instead of compassion I'm always treated as a burden, I know I've never been loved and I realize it will probably never happen for me.
I wish it was over.

 

[Kokonoe]

During my lowest lows where I wanna die more than anything in the world I'll always have absolutely no one by my side. I'll always be there for them through thick and thin but that ever being reciprocated is a pipe dream. I don't understand why it's so difficult for anyone to give even a slither of a fuck about me. Maybe I'm too kind for my own good so people just use me and see me as some emotional support human rather than an actual living breathing person with thoughts and feelings. I'll be sobbing my eyes out and hyperventilating on my bathroom floor with no one to help ease my pain besides my blades. I genuinely can't do this by myself. I don't like being a burden to others but I physically can't do it alone. I've never gotten actual help cus where I'm from they just like to address the condition you have and then put you on an unbearably long waiting list. To the point you'll just kill yourself long before you're able to even try. I'm just too tired to even try to get better at this point. I think I'll just walk to the nearest train station despite it being far away and lie on the tracks and peacefully await my demise.

i relate a lot. no matter how bad things get for us we have no one to be there for us. no matter how much we care about others or try to be there for them it's never reciprocated. we'll always be truly alone until we die. i don't understand what's so wrong with us that we deserve this. i'm sorry you're suffering like this, too.

- Cafe

 

[youdontseeme]

I feel this so much. I've always struggled with connecting with others. I always feel like I just don't understand how normal people communicate or form friendships or relationships. I reach out and try to be kind and understanding but I don't ever feel like anyone understands me...or like I'm just emulating a human without understanding like some kind of robot.

I've concluded that I just can't get it, and I don't want to keep struggling to fit in. Or deal with the pain of not fitting in. Still trying to figure out the final steps I guess.