I’ll always be alone

[bl33ding_heart]

During my lowest lows where I wanna die more than anything in the world I'll always have absolutely no one by my side. I'll always be there for them through thick and thin but that ever being reciprocated is a pipe dream. I don't understand why it's so difficult for anyone to give even a slither of a fuck about me. Maybe I'm too kind for my own good so people just use me and see me as some emotional support human rather than an actual living breathing person with thoughts and feelings. I'll be sobbing my eyes out and hyperventilating on my bathroom floor with no one to help ease my pain besides my blades. I genuinely can't do this by myself. I don't like being a burden to others but I physically can't do it alone. I've never gotten actual help cus where I'm from they just like to address the condition you have and then put you on an unbearably long waiting list. To the point you'll just kill yourself long before you're able to even try. I'm just too tired to even try to get better at this point. I think I'll just walk to the nearest train station despite it being far away and lie on the tracks and peacefully await my demise.

 

[ceriseange♡]

I'm so so sorry, angel. I know that feeling and I know it well. It's suffocating in so many indescribable ways. You seem like someone who gives so much out of pure kindness and I'm sorry the same isn't being extended to you in return :( The medical / mental health system is incredibly hard to navigate. I'm American so I don't know how our systems differ exactly but here you either play therapist roulette if you're able to find one actively accepting new patient or being terrified to be honest in case you get sectioned (which is even worse)

You ARE a person with thoughts and feelings and those deserved to be acknowledged and treated with kindness. You deserve as much as you give and I'm sorry you're not getting it. Sending you so much love, lovely :( <3