If you think you have 1 to 2 years to live. What would you do

[Thatdude]

I'm looking at my death date being late 2021 or 2022. I have serious doubts things will get better in my life. Between everything, it doesn't seem to be anything I do can make my life better. Statistically speaking, about 85% of us autistic people with degrees can't even get a job you can retire from. And even then only 12% of us can get a stable job where we aren't bouncing from job to job to job due to getting fired.
I tried a number of things outside of the normal market like product development, writing, art, and so on.
And then when it comes to family I don't really have much of one at all. The sad thing is, since I was a child all I wanted was to have a stable family. And before I pretty much gave up and while I was in my 20s trying to go through college. I found no one wanted me anything more than a fuck buddy. I fucked up at times before, but IDK. I feel I could've said something different at times or done something different which could've given a desired result from some. But part of me says that most likely wouldn't made much of a difference.

I know I need to make a will and I need to make the debreather or exit bag. But outside of that IDK what I want to do. I know I don't want to go crazy on the off chance I don't off myself.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yeah, I regret many things too.

I know I have less than a year left to live so I'll probably try to have fun once I have freedom again (alcohol, drugs, "sex" although I'm kinda asexual these days, waste time on videogames, etc)

 

[Endeavour]

I know someone who was given a few months to live, they moped around and ended up in bed hooked up to morphine and unable to eat or drink and in agony, all they kept saying was I want to die.

If I KNEW I was going to die in say 2 years time I'd live my life as much as I could right now, then end it before I got to the painful bit.

If it's an existential crisis of I don't thin I can carry on for more than 2 years - I don't know really.

 

[awfullife]

Hey OP it's funny how we all wanted things growing up...and somehow many of those things eluded us while we became a product of our upbringing...I for sure wanted a different life situation than I had growing up...now I realized that I couldnt have changed it if I tried. Life happened for a reason. Now I'm 41. Will I begin the journey to be the best I can be or is it CTB time...

 

[Raminiki]

I'm autistic too and share your frustrations. I've felt suicidal for half my life, 16 years. What has kept me going is my attempts to find a niche in the world, help others, appreciate what I do have over what I can't have, and explore my inner self and outer surroundings.

I'm at a point where the damage from suffering has become so severe, I can't struggle on any more. I've become a recluse, have no resilience to stress, am emotionally intolerant of family, and just all around tired.

I'm tired of trying.

So even though I have resources I could use to live lavishly before I go, I haven't the energy to make use of them. I just want peace and quiet to gather myself, media to distract myself, and then to choose the right moment to perform all my rituals necessary for embracing the end.

I've been existing this whole year in a state of suspense, waiting for the tiniest positivity from the universe to convince me to keep going. It hasn't happened. I've stopped caring about eating well and exercising. Stopped caring about spending money. I'm trying to get my estate in order before I go, but if will writing is too much of a pain in the neck, I don't really care about that either.

I did a whole lot of careful planning for a future I know I, as a disadvantaged individual, can never really have or enjoy. Society is difficult, hurtful and inaccessible for people of neurochemical and neuroanatomical differences.

 

[Kruger]

What I want to do and what I can do are 2 different things

 

[Nicebuddimtim]

I thought a lot about going this year but there's a lot I need to do need to isolate myself more end more relationships with friends and family and there are a few other things I need to do to be ready

 

[ErzsebetBATHORY]

what would i do? drugs. lots and lots of drugz....all psychedelix. figure shit out hardcore. fear and loathing status lifestyle

 

[logan]

Yeah, I regret many things too.

I know I have less than a year left to live so I'll probably try to have fun once I have freedom again (alcohol, drugs, "sex" although I'm kinda asexual these days, waste time on videogames, etc)

You often write very positive comments and about the things that have developed well for you.
Why do you write that you only have less than a year left?

 

[All Things Must Pass]

Party

 

[lofticries]

Fuck

 

[Meditation guide]

Find pleasure in music and meditating.

 

[nolongerhuman]

My philosophy is to live as if I was going to live my full expected lifespan so I'm not fucked if I for some reason survive a ctb attempt or change my mind. So I spend most of my life doing the things most people do. If I was so sure about leaving that I'd be willing to through my career away I might try some drugs and blow money on music concerts. My friends say nice things about acid.

 

[ItHurts]

Travel and eat.

 

[WornOutLife]

You often write very positive comments and about the things that have developed well for you.
Why do you write that you only have less than a year left?

Haha I was quite depressed and stressed last December because I was still a prisoner in my parents' house because of my failed attempt.
Living with my schizophrenic mother made my life hell.

Now, I'm planning to keep on living for a few years but I'll deffo ctb before my 40s because I'm not interested in getting older, weaker and sick!! (I'm 33 now)

Hope you have a nice weekend!

Hugs,

Matt

 

[littleloup]

I have many regrets, and I've wasted so much time that I know I'll be going soon. But if I have one or two years left to live then I would spend it with my loved ones making memories they can fondly think of, doing adventurous activities and getting to know myself even more.

 

[Life_and_Death]

talking in a terminal illness, youre definitely going to die thing. im spending every second i can with my little brothers and if my 'parents' try to stop me theyre going to have a problem. im going to die anyway *shrugs*