Venting "If you really wanted to kill yourself, you would've done it already"

[alivefornow]

I think this is one of the most stupid lines about suicide I've ever heard. I have severe depression. I deal with this shit on a daily basis. I cannot see a future in which I am happy or feel good about myself. It hurts.

I just can't end my life because that would most likely involve an act of great self-violence I am unable to carry. I got caught with SN this year and spent 4 months in a psych ward.

I have to stay alive because people would suffer if I died. So I have to endure a life of unrelenting sadness, feelings of defeat and suicidal thoughts.

I feel trapped because I don't have the right to die in a non-violent way. I don't think anyone I know, including my therapist and my psychiatrist, understands the way I feel about my life and how much I want it to end. This forum is the only place I feel understood. There is no recovery from the bottomless pit of pain and sadness I've fallen into. Only I know this to be true.

Maybe if things had gone a little different in my past? But I have a disorder. What difference would it make when depression is firmly rooted inside me? I don't want to spend my life fighting my own head, I just want out.

 

[warm dreams]

I was told this too. My mother, my doctors, rehabilitation consultants. But that doesn't change the fact that we won't do it. There are just good reasons why we haven't done it yet. This is very mediocre and stereotypical thinking. People think that we are playing a role, that we are doing bullshit, that we should get a job and all these thoughts will disappear. The problem is that they will never understand us because they have not experienced what we experience. It's not their fault, just a little illogicality in the world. Everything that we don't understand seems stupid and insignificant - that's how a person works. I would advise you to ignore this if possible. We will always listen to you and help you if you need help!

 

[starlightsun]

I really empathize with you OP. Going ahead with it is rarely as simple as just wanting to and going for it. Trapped is exactly my predicament too although I feel like waking up every day is becoming too unbearable and I would rather risk jumping into the unknown, as frightening as that is (for me anyway). CTB is essentially an act of self violence as you said and it is difficult to even come to terms with let alone actually commit that act. I feel also my condition/way I see things is permanent and no one understands or will ever understand, they just think that I need more therapy/medication/help etc. But my issue is not so much a psychological one as it is an existential one, and it will never leave. My heart goes to you and I hope you can find your peace.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It is so dumb. It almost feels like a dare. I doubt they want it to come across that way. They likely want to convince us (and themselves) that we're not at that stage yet but I agree- it comes off as belittling and invalidating.

Plus- it makes an assumption that I really hate. That suicidal people are all impulsive and out of control and unable to weigh up their options and the consequences of their actions. Basically- that the monent you have suicidal thoughts- you are no longer capable of thinking rationally. People who hesitate killing themselves do it because they are thinking rationally!

They are likely asking themselves: 'How can I do it? How likely is it I will succeed with that method? What will the consequences be if I fail? What affect will this have on my loved ones?' You can be dead serious on a desire for something this serious and still be aware of the consequences. Be put off by those consequences! That's called being responsible and rational!

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that you have to suffer so much. It's so inhumane how peaceful and painless methods are restricted if someone wants to end their suffering.

Saying this "If you really wanted to kill yourself, you would've done it already" is BS, even with the most peaceful method SI can be in the way and dying is still a very hard task, much harder than just talking BS that doesn't help anyone rather it increases suffering.

 

[Scattered-Soul]

I get you completely and I really empathize with your struggles. People who haven't been in our shoes and especially those who've never attempted suicide, have no idea how hard it actually is, how much of a bitch SI is and how you can be in utter despair, wanting to CTB more than anything else in the world, wanting to do in that exact moment and still unable to succeed in it. They say it with the assumption that you can just go to the nearest tall building and jump like it's nothing. There's honestly no point in explaining it tho, everyone here gets it. I've had multiple people say it to me as well which has only fueled my suicidality. And this makes me wonder, how is it acceptable for literal doctors to say this sometimes too??

I'm sorry you're suffering so much OP and that you feel trapped, I know what it's like. I feel bad that I don't have anything better to say than this. You deserve to have people acknowledge the misery you're experiencing.

 

[ropearoundatree]

I think if you've been a chronic sufferer of your depression, or whatever it is that's leading you here to this place, and this path--then it becomes (or it can) even (that) much more difficult; complicated; & challenging in order to follow-through with it. Just because you've put so much time, and exhaustive thought into it. Whereas, maybe if something came on more suddenly, a life-changing event, and now you're suddenly swept up in these pure emotions & their intensity for really the first-time in your life. Well, you might be more apt to just carry it out, and (to) carry it through, (and often) without fail~

...sorry for all the, '( )' ...I've got a lot of "distractions," going on in my environment, and it can be very impossible to tune them all out successfully from time to time-

 

[Deleted member 65988]

They are likely asking themselves: 'How can I do it? How likely is it I will succeed with that method? What will the consequences be if I fail? What affect will this have on my loved ones?' You can be dead serious on a desire for something this serious and still be aware of the consequences. Be put off by those consequences! That's called being responsible and rational!

Absolutely agreed with everything expressed here. Whichever method it is, be it SN or a gun, inert gas or anything else, we all have to go through a stage of thinking about any of the questions you've pointed out such as how likely it is to succeed and what are the consequences, physically and mentally, if I fail etc..

It's take a considerable time to work through and find answers that we are accepting of. It's anything but being irrational and impulsive, we consider the weight of our actions hence why some don't want to ctb because they don't want their family to be hurt or consider a new method because they aren't comfortable with the one they thought they'd use. All of this takes time to think through.

 

[FuneralCry]

That line really is just nonsense, I cannot stand those ignorant, insensitive people who have no idea of how difficult it truly is to die in this anti-suicide society where suicide cruelly is made so inaccessible.

It would be different if something changed to make them want to die and then they started trying to plan their death, they would soon learn that suicide isn't as straightforward as just choosing to be gone.

 

[HaHaSoLame]

That sentiment is something I've seen even being echoed here on these forums. Admittedly, it's a shame the way society reacts to one's issues and problems and when I say society, I mean our close ones. I always wished suicide was as easy as everyone makes it out to be, just pop a few pills, find a length of rope, get a knife and slit your throat.

While I do find other's brashness revolting and upsetting, I do make sure to remember that they most likely haven't ever tried to kill themselves and therefore they cannot understand the utter will and feelings of defeat one needs to overcome our most integral instinct in order to actually go through with our wishes and cease our perceived suffering.

But that doesn't really stop their distasteful words, and I'm not eager to reveal any sympathy towards the suicidal in fear that they might use it against me. It's such a horrid condition the world is in, a real mess when you assess just how rotten everything is and has always been.

 

[R_N]

Even if true it doesn't mean you enjoy existing.

Both life and death are things we are forced to experience.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yeah this is one of the stupidest things they say and, oh my, a lot of anti suicide rhetoric is stupid. It's like saying that I'm grateful to be alive just because my heart is beating or something. I swear they aren't this devoid of critical thinking when it comes to other areas of life. Or maybe they are, who knows

 

[BarnabasCollins]

I've been told this so many times. "If you were really going to do it, you already would have." Was told that when I made the mistake of opening up and asking for help. They don't understand the years of internal debating and the wearing down of defenses. I'm the closest I've ever been, have a plan, a date, and honestly believe this time it will be done.

So yeh, this is one of the dumbest things people say and it displays a profound lack of empathy.

 

[BlockHammer]

This's the most obnoxious phrase i've ever heard, not only this statement makes them look like an ignorance, but they also miss a lot of nuance in suicidal people thought process. Suicidal person always has some kind of internal monologue about their decision of wanting to ctb because they afraid they might miss something in life like me for example, i still want to experience having an office job to make an propper assesment despite lot of people.told me that office job in general is suck ass, but i still want to make a proper decision not a decision lead by my own impulsiveness

Another thing is methode, we all know that death will always be a painful one so that's why people who trying to ctb do some research of this kind of thing, so they can choose the least paniful way to leave this world. The research itself isn't easy like people thought it will be

Those are the kind of reason why suicidal people still stay in this world despite the suffering that they experience in their life, the decision of ctb isn't easy at all you have to think about everything before making this permanent decision.

 

[asian.neet]

I have to stay alive because people would suffer if I died. So I have to endure a life of unrelenting sadness, feelings of defeat and suicidal thoughts.

I gotta be honest, that line of thinking is wrong. They would suffer because they would miss you, but it is merely their projection of their discomfort of you being gone instead of understanding why you chose to go. Being on this forum taught me that real empathy comes from acknowledging why your friend is gone. You might be sad for a while but if you understand you can get through it. It isn't throwing your problems on other family members or friends, it's just a projection from their part from being uncomfortable of the discomfort that comes from someone who ctb because of their suffering.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Reminds me of when my mom told me that I didn't actually want to die because I called her due to my suicide attempt failing. It made me feel so pissed off and humilated. I did want to die but I ended up calling her due to me realizing that it wasn't going to work. I didn't even plan on calling her. It only happened because I was having trouble getting ready for school due to the side effects of the meds I tried to overdose on and I realized that I would probably have to go to the hospital.

Her saying this made me feel as though my feelings were being invalidated and it was only worsened by the fact that she said this to me the day after that attempt.


I've never understood why people say shit like this thinking that it's helpful in any sort of way. All that line does is highlight the fact that they have likely never been suicidal before. Sucide isn't some easy endeavor. It's actually pretty challenging since your basically trying to work against your own body and instincts which are working overtime to keep you alive.

Acting as though if someone truly wanted to die then they would have successfully killed them self is like acting as though if somebody truly wanted to drive then they would have their license already. Not everyone who wants to drive is able to due to age, disability, cost of buying/renting a car, past trauma, etc. Not everyone who wants to die is able to find or perform certain methods with a high success rate. Some people can't even attempt at all due to life circumstances, strong SI, disability, fear of the potiental consequences if it fails, etc.

All you end up accomplishing when you tell others that "If you really wanted to kill yourself, you would've done it already" is making them feel as though their feelings and desires are invalid.

 

[Odahviing475]

I wish my friends and parents would at least try to understand what the emotions I experience everyday are, and what they ask me to bear with when they threaten to call the cops or send me to a ward, or try to give me the same lectures on why I should live and why life will get better.

I already know life can get better. That doesn't change the pain I'm feeling now, and the fact is I don't want to live with this depression.

They keep saying that because I'm still here, it's because I want to be alive. Basically synonym to "If you really wanted to die, you would have done it already."

 

[tunnelV]

I have no family, friends, my boyfriend doesn't treat me well. As far as humans go I have nobody holding me back. Basically if they found out they wouldn't care more than saying "damn" type of thing. However my dog, that poor little thing acts like it's the end of the world when I leave for work. She was something for 7 years that prevented me. Sadly currently she's not enough anymore. I just can't function, and this relationship has made my mental health so much worse. I ordered her a new airline carrier. She has a place to go. I feel like that will stop preventing me once she's gone. People have different reasons why they haven't yet. Most people indeed lack empathy for those who want to end their life. It takes a degree of bravery.

 

[gbi2]

When people say things like that, I wonder what they would think if I asked them if they wanted to be financially well off so they didn't have to worry about paying bills, which I'd expect them to say "yes" to, and when they did I would say if they really wanted to become well off they would have done it already.

 

[MrDarkness]

The term is referring how some people are so mentally gone they do anything to die, jumping etc. because some people are more depressed then others

 

[Orange Cat]

I think that there is some truth in it. When people get to the point that they are very desperate and are certain that they want to die 100 percent that is when they will do it. They won't let anything stop them at this point. If someone still has doubts or a part of them doesn't want to die, they aren't able to go through with it. I'm speaking from my own experience.

 

[8daysperweek]

Some thoughts do not equal reality, they need action to make them come into reality.

 

[Gonnerr]

Suicide is a process, depending on how life unfold for you , it can take months for some or years for others. Its different for everybody.

 

[IWishToDie]

I think this is one of the most stupid lines about suicide I've ever heard. I have severe depression. I deal with this shit on a daily basis. I cannot see a future in which I am happy or feel good about myself. It hurts.

I just can't end my life because that would most likely involve an act of great self-violence I am unable to carry. I got caught with SN this year and spent 4 months in a psych ward.

I have to stay alive because people would suffer if I died. So I have to endure a life of unrelenting sadness, feelings of defeat and suicidal thoughts.

I feel trapped because I don't have the right to die in a non-violent way. I don't think anyone I know, including my therapist and my psychiatrist, understands the way I feel about my life and how much I want it to end. This forum is the only place I feel understood. There is no recovery from the bottomless pit of pain and sadness I've fallen into. Only I know this to be true.

Maybe if things had gone a little different in my past? But I have a disorder. What difference would it make when depression is firmly rooted inside me? I don't want to spend my life fighting my own head, I just want out.

I'm really sorry to hear this. I hope we can all die in peace someday when we are ready. Best of luck.

 

[realname]

It is so dumb. It almost feels like a dare. I doubt they want it to come across that way. They likely want to convince us (and themselves) that we're not at that stage yet but I agree- it comes off as belittling and invalidating.

Plus- it makes an assumption that I really hate. That suicidal people are all impulsive and out of control and unable to weigh up their options and the consequences of their actions. Basically- that the monent you have suicidal thoughts- you are no longer capable of thinking rationally. People who hesitate killing themselves do it because they are thinking rationally!

They are likely asking themselves: 'How can I do it? How likely is it I will succeed with that method? What will the consequences be if I fail? What affect will this have on my loved ones?' You can be dead serious on a desire for something this serious and still be aware of the consequences. Be put off by those consequences! That's called being responsible and rational!

I was thinking the same, that it's almost an enticement... A dare as you said