Venting "if you have letters to write, you have reasons to stay"

[misanthropemurder]

i'm alone; and i've learned to soak in that loneliness. i don't plan on writing a letter when i ctb because frankly i don't think many people would care. i have a sinking feeling that everyone is slowly growing the mindset about me that i have. they see it coming.

no one notices when im there, or when im not there. i'm obsessively excluded from any and all social gatherings by people who claim they are my friends. no one noticed my absence when i got sent to the mental hospital, or when i was compulsively ditching school everyday. no one noticed when the scars on my arms doubled within a month.

"if you have letters to write, you have reasons to stay." i heard that on tiktok today and it just further depressed me. i get that it's supposed to be a uplifting statement; but what about the people who are alone in this world?

 

[SomewhatLoved]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I think no matter what you're going through it's hard for anyone to be alone. We all deserve to have someone to share our joys and despairs in - I think that's just part of "normal" life. Obviously not all of us have that, though. Especially on this site.

I could be misinterpreting, but from your post it seems like maybe one of the big factors in you being on this site is feeling alone and like you have nobody. I know it can be hard to go out and meet people, and I'm alone because I'm too scared to do it so no judgment, but have you tried to go out to different events, volunteer groups, clubs, etc, to meet people?

I'm still quite young so I'm kind of used to the clique-y high-school dynamic of people being generally unwelcoming to outsiders, but in my experience in the adult world most people who go to any sort of public group/event are pretty welcoming to meet people and talk. It could be worth a try if you haven't yet.

Otherwise, honestly posting here can be very helpful for me most of the time. I find people on this website are generally quite understanding and sympathetic. I've only used the chat feature once or twice, but that can be a great way to talk to people as well.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry for your situation but, I don't agree with that statement at all. In fact, it's terribly unfair. It's saying more of less that, if your suicide would bother people, you shouldn't do it- to spare them the hurt.

Nevermind the pain that you're in- suck it up. You're strong enough for that. You can cope with anything... Just don't expect them to. A member recently posted something pretty funny/ perceptive: 'If relatives have so much faith in therapy for curing all ills, they can simply get some after I've gone.' (Paraphrasing.)

It's a double standard to insist that we must cope but, they can't. That doesn't really suggest 'love' to me either- more like 'selfish need'. We 'need' you not to leave us. How is that less selfish than us insisting that we 'need' to leave to escape the pain?

It may mean that we do have people that care about us but you can feel lonely, in pain, misunderstood, a burden just as much with other people around! In fact, in some ways, I imagine that feeling might feel magnified. You should feel better but, you don't. They should try to be supportive but, they aren't (always).

It equates a person being affected by someone's death with someone who is loving and supportive of them in life- the two don't always go together! Life's much more complex than that. It can become the horrible case that the people around us are no longer pillars of support but tethers keeping us trapped in pain for their own benefit.

We still love them. They still love us (or, the version of us they hope we still are- even if we're not.) So- of course we'll still write to them to try in some way to reduce the grief. Doesn't mean their connection was strong enough to make life worthwhile (sadly).

Imagine having your foot caught in a bear trap and having a loved one say- we need you to stay put because we love you. Does that sound like 'love'?!!

It's one of those no- win situations I feel. Those who have no one in their life may feel so lonely they want to leave it. Those who are desperately unhappy and in pain may feel unable to leave and hurt the people that are around them. Not sure either person is 'better' off though.

I don't like guilt trips either. As it happens, I am actually holding on for a loved one- my Dad. And, have been for 35 years. That's my choice though. I won't tolerate someone telling me I 'should', or 'have' to (as a 'helpline' tried to- not my choice to ring them. The result of a welfare check.)

When I finally feel released to (hopefully) go after my (pretty much) lifetime of struggling through for the sake of others, I would absolutey leave multiple notes. I feel absolutely justified in going at that point though. No one should be expected to suffer indefinitely. That is a massively selfish imposition. Life in itself is an imposition. People are 'lucky' their loved ones hold on as long as they do quite often.

Sorry for the rant but, I do hate pro-life guilt trips. I do understand though how it must have triggered your feelings of loneliness. I'm sorry.