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natali4

natali4

Student
May 24, 2021
147
I've had really bad anxiety since I was a kid. It has caused me physical pain and destroyed my ability to function many times. You may call it SI, but I think it's my anxiety that prevents me from ctb. I can make plans and do everything, but the anxiety will paralyze my body, or cause so much physical pain that I can't ctb. I was wondering if anyone else can relate to this?
 
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Fadeawaaaay

Fadeawaaaay

Visionary
Nov 12, 2021
2,160
As soon I encounter any major challenges I get overwhelmed and can't concentrate or think clearly
 
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H

Hurt

Paragon
Nov 13, 2020
905
Creating fake scenarios in my head and getting nervous about that. I experience physical symptoms when I have intrusive thoughts. I do some repetitive things like washing my hands to convince myself that those things will never happen.
 
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Sister of the Moon

Sister of the Moon

Student
Dec 17, 2021
188
Yes, severe anxiety here. It's always there lurking in the background at least. Then something triggers it and it bursts to the fore.
 
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Lullaby

Lullaby

🌙
Mar 9, 2022
682
I get the worse stomach pains when I'm anxious, it feels like someone is stabbing me with a knife. It's debilitating. It also feels like the world is closing in on me? Kinda almost as if I'm suffocating.

You're definitely not alone, it's a struggle to deal with.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
42,615
Sometimes in the past anxiety has actually made me feel sick. I think that when I have the most anxiety, I cannot concentrate at all, I am unable to sleep and I wake up really early. Sometimes it is worse than other times, it depends on what is on my mind and what is bothering me. I have lots of dread for the future and the unpredictability and uncertainty of life can make me feel very bad. I'm sorry that you suffer with this.
 
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O

outrider567

Visionary
Apr 5, 2022
2,826
My anxiety is endless and omnipresent since she passed---Stress causes Cortisol to be released, causing damage to the body, but Cortisol retreats under intense exercise and green leafy stuff like Spinach--My Stress Anxiety yesterday was the worst yet
 
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Eily

Eily

tired
Dec 4, 2018
21
I've had really bad anxiety since I was a kid. It has caused me physical pain and destroyed my ability to function many times. You may call it SI, but I think it's my anxiety that prevents me from ctb. I can make plans and do everything, but the anxiety will paralyze my body, or cause so much physical pain that I can't ctb. I was wondering if anyone else can relate to this?
For me it feels horrible. I've lived in 2 other states besides my home state and been to the ER multiple times because of it. They all say the same thing - not a heart attack, it's anxiety. Sometimes it's stress related but a lot of times, it occurs out of nowhere. I could be having an okay day and it hits me. It feels like my heart stops and my chest feels empty. Then I feel it through my arms and in my head. I start thinking my heart has stopped (having a heart attack) so I go to the ER and they tell me I don't have anything. Either I've been having an on going heart attack for 9 years or I'm really anxious. There have been times where I stopped being afraid when it happened. I thought I was having a heart attack and instead of trying to do something about it, I stayed laying down. I figured this can be a way to go and I never have to deal with anxiety, sadness, and suffering again. It goes away though (obv cos I'm still here) but that is how it feels to me.
I've had really bad anxiety since I was a kid. It has caused me physical pain and destroyed my ability to function many times. You may call it SI, but I think it's my anxiety that prevents me from ctb. I can make plans and do everything, but the anxiety will paralyze my body, or cause so much physical pain that I can't ctb. I was wondering if anyone else can relate to this?
Also, I realized what I described sounds more like a panic attack and it might be. For my anxiety, I'm literally afraid of everything. I have an irrational fear that gets triggered a lot if I see a certain thing mentioned in movies or if I'm scrolling through YouTube. With medications, I try to avoid them because I'm scared of being allergic to them and dying because of it. I'm also worried of the psychological side effects that can happen with certain medications. I hate feeling like I am losing control of my mind and my body. It terrifies me. I should exercise more than I actually do but I'm terrified that I'm going to have a heart attack. Sometimes when I eat, I swear I feel my arteries clogging up if I eat something bad and I feel guilty. Idk honestly the more I type this the more of a nutcase I realize I am
 
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Al Cappella

Al Cappella

Are we there yet?
Feb 2, 2022
888
Oy, tough one to talk about. At its worst it becomes literally paralyzing—I've sat, crouching in bathrooms unable to come out. It's hard to breathe, you feel as if a cold, metallic hand is squeezing your heart…The worst is that my brain no longer functions, meaning I can't process information, or do the simplest things. I literally become stupid. Well more so than usual. I also have to pee every ten minutes, which makes going someplace a bit difficult when I'm stressed/anxious.

Mostly though, it's a milder version of all that…
 
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Imissyoumydarling

Imissyoumydarling

a very majestic chicken cat
May 7, 2022
107
I developed it a few years ago after getting trapped in an abusive relationship (I later managed to escape him).

It feels like being in a constant fight/flight mode. Loud noises, anyone glancing at you the wrong way or their tone being ambigious, anything... it just immediately sets off your fight/flight instincts and you shake as you try figure out what to do and everything in your head is screaming at you to RUN FIGHT STAY STILL DON'T MOVE BE SAFE LOOK OUT BE CAREFUL WHAT ARE THEY DOING WHAT DO I DO LASH OUT LASH OUT HIDE HIDE HIDE RUN LOOK AROUND LOOK LOOK LOOK WHAT'S BEHIND YOU DON'T MOVE DON'T MOVE RUN RUN.

I was luckier than most on this forum it seems - SSRIs completely changed my life for the better. They didn't fix depression, BUT they did absolute wonders for helping quiet the anxious panic. They stopped the voices in my head screaming at me so I was able to assess situations more rationally instead of panicking and screaming at myself. My deepest regret in life was never going on it sooner because I'd only ever heard people shit talk SSRIs so I refused to use them until it was too late... I completely believe that if I'd started earlier, I wouldn't be suicidal right now because while they helped massively, they weren't a miracle cure that fixed everything. I regret listening to everyone say they're useless because God, if I'd only started a few months earlier I wouldn't have sunken so low or made the choices and my life would be so different.
 
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O

outrider567

Visionary
Apr 5, 2022
2,826
For me it feels horrible. I've lived in 2 other states besides my home state and been to the ER multiple times because of it. They all say the same thing - not a heart attack, it's anxiety. Sometimes it's stress related but a lot of times, it occurs out of nowhere. I could be having an okay day and it hits me. It feels like my heart stops and my chest feels empty. Then I feel it through my arms and in my head. I start thinking my heart has stopped (having a heart attack) so I go to the ER and they tell me I don't have anything. Either I've been having an on going heart attack for 9 years or I'm really anxious. There have been times where I stopped being afraid when it happened. I thought I was having a heart attack and instead of trying to do something about it, I stayed laying down. I figured this can be a way to go and I never have to deal with anxiety, sadness, and suffering again. It goes away though (obv cos I'm still here) but that is how it feels to me.

Also, I realized what I described sounds more like a panic attack and it might be. For my anxiety, I'm literally afraid of everything. I have an irrational fear that gets triggered a lot if I see a certain thing mentioned in movies or if I'm scrolling through YouTube. With medications, I try to avoid them because I'm scared of being allergic to them and dying because of it. I'm also worried of the psychological side effects that can happen with certain medications. I hate feeling like I am losing control of my mind and my body. It terrifies me. I should exercise more than I actually do but I'm terrified that I'm going to have a heart attack. Sometimes when I eat, I swear I feel my arteries clogging up if I eat something bad and I feel guilty. Idk honestly the more I type this the more of a nutcase I realize I am
Your heart is a muscle and will only get stronger with exercise(as long as you get the all clear from your doctor)not to mention many other benefits----Your statement about fear of arteries clogging up after eating something bad, is kind of funny cuz I had similar thoughts as you(especially the rare times I ate a rash of bacon or if we had too much pizza)in the past for many years---so your thoughts in that regard are more common than you think
 
M

M.i.245541

Member
Mar 21, 2022
52
For me anxiety is there all the time. But often, it comes crashing like a wave and I can only thing of negative things: ctb, how I'm failing my family, how I'm going to loose everything, how I'm going to be miserable, how people don't like me... The feeling makes me want to vomit and I just want to crawl into bed, hide and sleep, hopefully forever. Somehow though, I can still function in auto pilot mode and no one notices my pain for now. Which makes me feel even more alone in the world.
It is a horrible feeling, and it seems that it's growing in intensity and in frequency.
Thinking about ctb used to make me feel better but now it adds to the anxiety because I don't have a good method
 
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natali4

natali4

Student
May 24, 2021
147
For me anxiety is there all the time. But often, it comes crashing like a wave and I can only thing of negative things: ctb, how I'm failing my family, how I'm going to loose everything, how I'm going to be miserable, how people don't like me... The feeling makes me want to vomit and I just want to crawl into bed, hide and sleep, hopefully forever. Somehow though, I can still function in auto pilot mode and no one notices my pain for now. Which makes me feel even more alone in the world.
It is a horrible feeling, and it seems that it's growing in intensity and in frequency.
Thinking about ctb used to make me feel better but now it adds to the anxiety because I don't have a good method
I feel exactly the same. Anxiety is in my body all the time. Thought of ctb used to calm me, but I've realized how tough ctb is, and it adds to my anxiety as well. I'm exhausted.
I developed it a few years ago after getting trapped in an abusive relationship (I later managed to escape him).

It feels like being in a constant fight/flight mode. Loud noises, anyone glancing at you the wrong way or their tone being ambigious, anything... it just immediately sets off your fight/flight instincts and you shake as you try figure out what to do and everything in your head is screaming at you to RUN FIGHT STAY STILL DON'T MOVE BE SAFE LOOK OUT BE CAREFUL WHAT ARE THEY DOING WHAT DO I DO LASH OUT LASH OUT HIDE HIDE HIDE RUN LOOK AROUND LOOK LOOK LOOK WHAT'S BEHIND YOU DON'T MOVE DON'T MOVE RUN RUN.

I was luckier than most on this forum it seems - SSRIs completely changed my life for the better. They didn't fix depression, BUT they did absolute wonders for helping quiet the anxious panic. They stopped the voices in my head screaming at me so I was able to assess situations more rationally instead of panicking and screaming at myself. My deepest regret in life was never going on it sooner because I'd only ever heard people shit talk SSRIs so I refused to use them until it was too late... I completely believe that if I'd started earlier, I wouldn't be suicidal right now because while they helped massively, they weren't a miracle cure that fixed everything. I regret listening to everyone say they're useless because God, if I'd only started a few months earlier I wouldn't have sunken so low or made the choices and my life would be so different.
That's amazing that you found a drug that helps you! Unfortunately I've never had luck with any anxiety or anti-depressant drug. The only thing I haven't tried is benzo and it's because my doctor refused to prescribe me that
I developed it a few years ago after getting trapped in an abusive relationship (I later managed to escape him).

It feels like being in a constant fight/flight mode. Loud noises, anyone glancing at you the wrong way or their tone being ambigious, anything... it just immediately sets off your fight/flight instincts and you shake as you try figure out what to do and everything in your head is screaming at you to RUN FIGHT STAY STILL DON'T MOVE BE SAFE LOOK OUT BE CAREFUL WHAT ARE THEY DOING WHAT DO I DO LASH OUT LASH OUT HIDE HIDE HIDE RUN LOOK AROUND LOOK LOOK LOOK WHAT'S BEHIND YOU DON'T MOVE DON'T MOVE RUN RUN.

I was luckier than most on this forum it seems - SSRIs completely changed my life for the better. They didn't fix depression, BUT they did absolute wonders for helping quiet the anxious panic. They stopped the voices in my head screaming at me so I was able to assess situations more rationally instead of panicking and screaming at myself. My deepest regret in life was never going on it sooner because I'd only ever heard people shit talk SSRIs so I refused to use them until it was too late... I completely believe that if I'd started earlier, I wouldn't be suicidal right now because while they helped massively, they weren't a miracle cure that fixed everything. I regret listening to everyone say they're useless because God, if I'd only started a few months earlier I wouldn't have sunken so low or made the choices and my life would be so different.
That's amazing that you found a drug that helps you! Unfortunately I've never had luck with any anxiety or anti-depressant drug. The only thing I haven't tried is benzo and it's because my doctor refused to prescribe me that
Oy, tough one to talk about. At its worst it becomes literally paralyzing—I've sat, crouching in bathrooms unable to come out. It's hard to breathe, you feel as if a cold, metallic hand is squeezing your heart…The worst is that my brain no longer functions, meaning I can't process information, or do the simplest things. I literally become stupid. Well more so than usual. I also have to pee every ten minutes, which makes going someplace a bit difficult when I'm stressed/anxious.

Mostly though, it's a milder version of all that…
I feel exactly the same way, plus I get stomach aches. I also have trouble concentrating and processing information. It's the worst.
For me it feels horrible. I've lived in 2 other states besides my home state and been to the ER multiple times because of it. They all say the same thing - not a heart attack, it's anxiety. Sometimes it's stress related but a lot of times, it occurs out of nowhere. I could be having an okay day and it hits me. It feels like my heart stops and my chest feels empty. Then I feel it through my arms and in my head. I start thinking my heart has stopped (having a heart attack) so I go to the ER and they tell me I don't have anything. Either I've been having an on going heart attack for 9 years or I'm really anxious. There have been times where I stopped being afraid when it happened. I thought I was having a heart attack and instead of trying to do something about it, I stayed laying down. I figured this can be a way to go and I never have to deal with anxiety, sadness, and suffering again. It goes away though (obv cos I'm still here) but that is how it feels to me.

Also, I realized what I described sounds more like a panic attack and it might be. For my anxiety, I'm literally afraid of everything. I have an irrational fear that gets triggered a lot if I see a certain thing mentioned in movies or if I'm scrolling through YouTube. With medications, I try to avoid them because I'm scared of being allergic to them and dying because of it. I'm also worried of the psychological side effects that can happen with certain medications. I hate feeling like I am losing control of my mind and my body. It terrifies me. I should exercise more than I actually do but I'm terrified that I'm going to have a heart attack. Sometimes when I eat, I swear I feel my arteries clogging up if I eat something bad and I feel guilty. Idk honestly the more I type this the more of a nutcase I realize I am
I'm sorry for your struggle. Irrational fears are worst for me because they are literally based on nothing. And I feel stupid when I get anxious because of them. Almost every medication that was prescribed to me made me gain weight, and now I have a fear of that too. I think most of us, who have severe anxiety, get panic attacks more often than we think. I know for me it's hard to describe how often I have panic attacks because I am in panic mode so often.
I exercise regularly (mainly running) and I think it helps with the anxiety. But as soon as I am done running and my heart rate goes down, I get depressed. It's a vicious cycle.
 
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D

downndone2

Living in misery
Jan 23, 2022
1,270
I struggle with anxiety all the time. I feel like it is hard to describe all the feelings to justify the experience. Dizziness, rapid heart rate, shortness of breath, stomach ache, tense muscles, restlessness, fear, and so much more. I've only suffered for several years but it is severe.
I'm so sorry you have had to deal with this since you were a kid.
 
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Niko66

Niko66

Specialist
Dec 6, 2021
353
Restlessness, the need to move constantly, tap my knee, fidget, constant slight movements, never feeling safe or comfortable despite being at home, in your bed, in your room, distrusting everyone, joints hurting, back hurting, I have general anxiety as well a who knows what, but especially anxiety around people and they make me incredibly uncomfortable. I feel like I can never truly rest, every second of existing is a struggle.
 
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T

theloserestloser

Member
Nov 26, 2021
38
My anxiety is weird in that most of it is that I my brain automatically comes up with extremely creative ways on how everything will go wrong. People always tell me to relax and I'm being unreasonable but I've been right too many times before to calm down. It's also feeling super on edge, like every sound outside makes me think that someone's going to break in or something. Basically just thoughts running rampant. I don't really get many physical symptoms besides having a hard time sleeping.
 
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7

710

Member
Dec 19, 2021
51
I often get anxious in social situations and will start sweating profusely. Then I get worried about people noticing that which causes me to get even more anxious. It's like a vicious circle. My tendency now is to just avoid such situations and stay inside.
 
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Y

Yiyo123

Member
Apr 24, 2020
94
I feel anxious all the time. I overthink everything. A simple situation can overwhelm me and negative thoughts simply don't stop. Some people say emotional pain doesn't exists. Well… for me is very real. I'm just tired of fighting… I just gave up a long time ago and I'm in a constant state of sadness. I can't CTB because of my wife. I want to make sure that she'll get a house after I'm gone. That's the least I can do for her.
 
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Ldog9

Ldog9

Student
Jan 12, 2019
144
I've had really bad anxiety since I was a kid. It has caused me physical pain and destroyed my ability to function many times. You may call it SI, but I think it's my anxiety that prevents me from ctb. I can make plans and do everything, but the anxiety will paralyze my body, or cause so much physical pain that I can't ctb. I was wondering if anyone else can relate to this?
Yes I experienced the same thing, I'm not sure if its anxiety or SI with my previous attempts. Just crippling levels of nerves, brain fog, exacerbated by sleep deprivation. Even now, I've had N for months now, out of sight, but if I think about using it, planning ctb in detail, trying to set a date, etc I get immediately anxious, almost inducing a panic attack. When I read about other people having N or finally planning their ctb, there always seems to be a sense of calmness or serenity to it that eludes me. I keep telling myself that maybe it means its not my time, or maybe its SI or anxiety, I'm not sure.
 
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novem

novem

Experienced
May 9, 2022
273
Interesting, nobody mentioned heartburn...
 
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Nlis2244

Nlis2244

Forever alone
May 13, 2022
132
My main problem is talking to people. I feel "lightweight", tense, and cold. I close my shoulders and lower my head. If I try not to do that I still feel like I can't move properly and like I'm half bound by a chord. I don't know what to say and that makes me incredibly uneasy. And looking for a way out. And when I manage to say something, it's incomprehensible because I can't spell properly and have a low tone of voice. I constantly tell myself to try and spell thing better, but when I talk I'm so worried about other things that I forget that. Then I have to repeat what I said to make people understand, and it gets worse little by little.
 
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I

Idontmatter

Just want it all to be over
Oct 25, 2021
647
Overreacting over the smallest issue. Constant worry. Random thoughts pop into my head and that causes worry. My body gets so tense that my muscles ache. Can't concentrate. Meds don't work, talk therapy won't work. My only option is to ctb sadly.
 
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