To go back a year and not take what was meant to be an amazing career opportunity doing something I had so much passion for which resulted in the love of my life, the most loving, caring person who I shared so much in common with, who I was comfortable to be myself around, who loved me for me and atop of everything else was a stunningly naturally beautiful model, who also suffered from depression and borderline personality disorder, taking her life the day before I was moving away for work during the weekdays...
I was blamed for her death by her mother, had lies spread about me saying I pushed her to it, even having my name publicly tarnished by false reporting in the tabloids, wasn't allowed to attend her funeral or any of the ceremonies and now spend everyday broken and alone, riddle with guilt and remorse, no career or passion for life or the things I once loved.
One moment I had it all, life was complete, now I have nothing.
N just to add to my despair I've spent the last decade suffering from anxiety, chronic sinusitis, jaw problems and excessive tinnitus resulting in daily discomfort, stress and difficulty sleeping.
Writing all of that makes me feel like I'm trying to gain pity n attention, I guess some problems in life are just irreversible...