if we feel heavy hearted and sad when we think about our ctb plan does it mean we are not ready?

[Friend_A]

why

 

[Silvermorning]

It just means we are human.

Happy merry go round , existential suicides are very rare, most are forced to ctb to end their pain.

Before giving up on life, concentrations camps inmates smoked their last cigarette, their most valued possesion. Theres a sort of euphoria shortly before ctb, very well documented, it just takes time to get there and acceptance. Takes between 2 months and 2 years, according to researchers, to take to fruition a succesful ctb plan, for some is just a few weeks, in between the start, the middle of the end, all gamut of emotions are bound to resurface.
Some look for help even to their last day.

 

[Sensei]

If you really want something, the thought of getting it shouldn't make you sad., but happy. To take an exemple, if you really want a car, you won't get sad when you have the money to buy it. I think it's as simple as that.

 

[SmellyRat]

We have survival instincts built into us which try to keep us alive.
Let life guide you

 

[antigone_iris]

Yes, I think so. Someone who's feeling sad and doubtful when thinking about their ctb plan should probably give it a bit more time and thought. It's OK to procrastinate. It's even OK to change your mind. You don't have to do anything you don't feel like doing 100%. Staying true to your feelings is important.

 

[Friend_A]

If you really want something, the thought of getting it shouldn't make you sad., but happy. To take an exemple, if you really want a car, you won't get sad when you have the money to buy it. I think it's as simple as that.

Yes, I think so. Someone who's feeling sad and doubtful when thinking about their ctb plan should probably give it a bit more time and thought. It's OK to procrastinate. It's even OK to change your mind. You don't have to do anything you don't feel like doing 100%. Staying true to your feelings is important.

i know deep down i dont want to die. im just tired of living

 

[antigone_iris]

i know deep down i dont want to die. im just tired of living

You're not alone I can relate.

 

[Lordsudbury]

I think it means we're aware that it's our final decision and our final exit from the human experience. So, that is a lot to think about.

 

[novem]

I wish there was afterlife it would remove my anxiety to ctb

 

[rationaltake]

I want to be dead. Not so keen on dying. But I have to do the latter to achieve the former.

 

[whatevs]

Me, I just don't enjoy my life, and feel doubtful about life in general. But I don't envision myself doing it.

 

[novem]

Me, I just don't enjoy my life, and feel doubtful about life in general. But I don't envision myself doing it.

I don't enjoy my current life in general but I did enjoy it before 2020. I still could enjoy some little things that life can bring like travelling for example, but I can't afford them anymore.

 

[FuneralCry]

Only the individual knows when they are ready, I think that it is a feeling that they have, they have no more doubts. Just because someone is sad about it all doesn't necessarily mean that they are not ready. Someone can be certain and desperate to leave, yet at the same time devastated that it came to this for them. Even know I want to die more than anything, I have heard of others wanting to live, yet are unable to due to their circumstances.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think I do actually want to die rather than fix my problems- the whole- 'death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem' has always seemed baloney to me because I've felt this way for so long. The 'problems' have never really gone away from when I first considered it.

That said, I do still feel quite sad about it when I think through it in my mind- when I actually start to visualise a method. It's not the only emotion- I feel almost blissful too when I think about it- I simply won't need to worry or try anymore. It will all just be over. That seems so appealing.

I think the sadness comes in when I start to think about other people- not that there are people who will likely be devastated by it. The only person that would be is my Dad and I don't feel like I could do it while he is still alive.

I suppose I remember how I have mourned the people who have died in my family (although- none by suicide) and that has been terribly painful. Death in itself is sad for the people left behind.

I suppose I start to empathise with their (hopeful) future empathy of me! (Rather than anger- which is also possible because I think some would go the classic route of- suicide is selfish). I'm assuming that suicide is also worse for the people left behind as opposed to a regular death.

I feel sad for the people themselves who have managed to ctb as well as relieved that they are finally at peace. Just the sympathy and empathy that things had gotten so cruel and oppressive that they felt like that was their only way out. It's maybe not a sadness for them having died but for having lived such a painful life in the first place that lead them to that. A sadness that so many of us are suffering right now.

Maybe that's it though- I think people who mourn a suicide maybe mourn who they thought that person was- with all that life potential rather than seeing the reality that their experience was obviously awful. Plus, I suppose the guilt that they weren't able to help them. Really- they shouldn't be mourning their death but their tragic life.

I think in my case then, my sadness is a kind of self pitty- not that I would be sad that I was actually going to end it but sad that life didn't really work out to be all that great and that I really don't have the hope or will to make it better.

Maybe it would be a personal sense of failure too in a way- that I was lucky enough to have been given love and support (although lots of shitty experiences too) but somehow, it still wasn't enough to make me want to make a go of it. Perhaps it's shame...

Still- I think as humans, we have a whole range of emotions and although feeling sad may suggest regret/apprehension, in my case I think it is/would be regret over ever having lived rather than making the decision to die.

 

[LastLoveLetter]

I don't want to die.

It's a need - a requirement - not a desire. Life has become unbearable and unsustainable. For me, there is no living, only existing from one agonising moment to another and wondering why time can't hurry the fuck up instead of dragging me along, slowly and painfully.

I still feel sad. I'm always sad, even when pretending not to be. Even when smiling or laughing. There is a constant pressure at the back of my eyes, a permanent lump in my throat, a heaviness in my chest. It's grief. I grieve the life I had and the life I perhaps could have had, under a different set of circumstances.

I don't think I will ever "feel ready", eventually my desperation will outweigh my fear of dying. Someday, when enough is enough.

I will always be sad, but I will go.

 

[Carlotta16]

Only the individual knows when they are ready, I think that it is a feeling that they have, they have no more doubts. Just because someone is sad about it all doesn't necessarily mean that they are not ready. Someone can be certain and desperate to leave, yet at the same time devastated that it came to this for them. Even know I want to die more than anything, I have heard of others wanting to live, yet are unable to due to their circumstances.

I want to live so so much but my circumstances mean it is impossible. The hill is too high. The mountain is insurmountable

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think I do actually want to die rather than fix my problems- the whole- 'death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem' has always seemed baloney to me because I've felt this way for so long. The 'problems' have never really gone away from when I first considered it.

That said, I do still feel quite sad about it when I think through it in my mind- when I actually start to visualise a method. It's not the only emotion- I feel almost blissful too when I think about it- I simply won't need to worry or try anymore. It will all just be over. That seems so appealing.

I think the sadness comes in when I start to think about other people- not that there are people who will likely be devastated by it. The only person that would be is my Dad and I don't feel like I could do it while he is still alive.

I suppose I remember how I have mourned the people who have died in my family (although- none by suicide) and that has been terribly painful. Death in itself is sad for the people left behind.

I suppose I start to empathise with their (hopeful) future empathy of me! (Rather than anger- which is also possible because I think some would go the classic route of- suicide is selfish). I'm assuming that suicide is also worse for the people left behind as opposed to a regular death.

I feel sad for the people themselves who have managed to ctb as well as relieved that they are finally at peace. Just the sympathy and empathy that things had gotten so cruel and oppressive that they felt like that was their only way out. It's maybe not a sadness for them having died but for having lived such a painful life in the first place that lead them to that. A sadness that so many of us are suffering right now.

I guess the human condition in itself can be a very sad thing- We are brought into the world without a choice, have the potential to lead very challenging lives and then possibly suffer pain in either a natural death or a risky suicide.

Maybe that's it though- I think people who mourn a suicide maybe mourn who they thought that person was- with all that life potential rather than seeing the reality that their experience was obviously awful. Plus, I suppose the guilt that they weren't able to help them. Really- they shouldn't be mourning their death but their tragic life.

I think in my case then, my sadness is a kind of self pitty- not that I would be sad that I was actually going to end it but sad that life didn't really work out to be all that great and that I really don't have the hope or will to make it better.

Maybe it would be a personal sense of failure too in a way- that I was lucky enough to have been given love and support (although lots of shitty experiences too) but somehow, it still wasn't enough to make me want to make a go of it. Perhaps it's shame...

Still- I think as humans, we have a whole range of emotions and although feeling sad may suggest regret/apprehension, in my case I think it is/would be regret over ever having lived rather than making the decision to die.

I don't want to die.

It's a need - a requirement - not a desire. Life has become unbearable and unsustainable. For me, there is no living, only existing from one agonising moment to another and wondering why time can't hurry the fuck up instead of dragging me along, slowly and painfully.

I still feel sad. I'm always sad, even when pretending not to be. Even when smiling or laughing. There is a constant pressure at the back of my eyes, a permanent lump in my throat, a heaviness in my chest. It's grief. I grieve the life I had and the life I perhaps could have had, under a different set of circumstances.

I don't think I will ever "feel ready", eventually my desperation will outweigh my fear of dying. Someday, when enough is enough.

I will always be sad, but I will go.

 

[watchingthewheels]

"Gail Wynand sat on the edge of the bed, slumped forward, his elbows on his knees, the gun on the palm of his hand. He moved his hand, weighing the gun. smiled, a faint smile of derision. No, he thought, that's not for you. Not yet. You still have the sense of not wanting to die senselessly. You were stopped by that. Even that is a remnant—of something. He tossed the gun aside on the bed, knowing that the moment was past and the thing was of no danger to him any longer. He got up. He felt no elation; he felt tired; but he was back in his normal course. There were no problems, except to finish this day quickly and go to sleep.


"He slouched casually against the glass pane of his bedroom, the weight of a gun on his palm. Today, he thought; what was today? Did anything happen that would help me now and give meaning to this moment?


"He dropped the book and stood up. He had no wish to remain on that spot; he had no wish to move from it. He thought that he should go to sleep. It was much too early for him, but he could get up earlier tomorrow. He went to his bedroom, he took a shower, he put on his pajamas. Then he opened a drawer of his dresser and saw the gun he always kept there. It was the immediate recognition, the sudden stab of interest, that made him pick it up. It was the lack of shock, when he thought he would kill himself, that convinced him he should. The thought seemed so simple, like an argument not worth contesting. Like a bromide.


"Now he stood at the glass wall, stopped by that very simplicity. One could make a bromide of one's life, he thought; but not of one's death.
"He walked to the bed and sat down, the gun hanging in his hand. A man about to die, he thought, is supposed to see his whole life in a last flash. I see nothing. But I could make myself see it. I could go over it again, by force. Let me find in it either the will to live on or the reason to end it now."


-Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead