I have soon my most important exam of this semester. It is extremely much to study. I have decided to start taking benzos again in the final days. I will probably experience insanely extreme painful withdrawal symptoms afterwards. (hopefully only 2-3 days) The last time I took benzos it was extremely painful. I have found a tricyclic antidepressant that might could take off some edges. I am extremely anxious about the pain. Juice WRLD said the benzos were tearing him apart. And I think it fits pretty well.
I feel slightly high on the benzo (at the moment). It is pretty relaxing but the high is never worth the pain never. Usually I only study 5 hours a day today I studied like 8-9 hours and felt very fragile in the evening. Tomorrow like 10 hours studying again.
I will write the exam in a separate room also with the extremely attractive woman that barely leaves my head recently. But I am quite sure she is not interested in me at all. I will try to dodge her before the exam I need time to focus and concentration. I am glad I talked with her about the exam because she told me she is also in this seperated room for specific reasons (so I am prepared mentally). If I am not in tears after the exam I will stay there and hope to start a conversation with her. I won't approach her in a romantic way certainly not. But I would be curious about her story. She once told me she was raped. She told me that the second time we met. However she seems to be pretty strong and has not developed mental illness seemingly. I have met many women who did. I will have a full benzo in my system it might be a unique chance for me to get a long conversation with her where my brain is totally clear. I think she could know I am somewhat interested in her. But I am not fully sure. She is so cute but she is not my league in any way. I could even imagine that she does not want any boyfriend at all because of her experiences. She is still an enigma for me.
So this was all off-topic. My chance with her is very close to 0. The more important message is the extreme torture that is awaiting me after the exam. Holy shit.
To be the core of this thread.
The most obvious answer would be N or SN would be the drugs that symbolize suicide the most. However probably only suicides where there is no violence involved. We associate peaceful suicides with them.
The withdrawal of benzos is like hell on earth for me. I could associate with it like eating nails which cut through your body as a suicide method. Or actually like two horses that tear your body apart. In my native language it is easier for me to describe it but this is actually how extreme psychosomatic pain feels for me. The pain is in my feet. Like getting teared apart while living.
I once had to take haldol (or haloperidol) which is an extremely strong antipsychotic. This felt like a brain death. The capacity of my congitive skills simply vanished.
If the suicide is very peaceful with whatever method one could associate it with sedatives. Some say weed is calming (it can also have the complete opposite effect depening on your genes). Maybe if you OD on a drug that makes you feel extremely good.
Another idea death/suicide could be seen as the opposite of life/ a new beginning. And life usually starts with sex. SSRI can induce PSSD a hellish condition. So SSRI could also symbolize suicide.
If people here have made extremely negative experiences with certain treatments they can also have the personal feeling that a certain drugs drives them to commit suicide.
Holy shit I am so scared about the withdrawal symptoms. But for now that's it. Thanks for reading it it helped me to share this evening a lot.
I feel slightly high on the benzo (at the moment). It is pretty relaxing but the high is never worth the pain never. Usually I only study 5 hours a day today I studied like 8-9 hours and felt very fragile in the evening. Tomorrow like 10 hours studying again.
I will write the exam in a separate room also with the extremely attractive woman that barely leaves my head recently. But I am quite sure she is not interested in me at all. I will try to dodge her before the exam I need time to focus and concentration. I am glad I talked with her about the exam because she told me she is also in this seperated room for specific reasons (so I am prepared mentally). If I am not in tears after the exam I will stay there and hope to start a conversation with her. I won't approach her in a romantic way certainly not. But I would be curious about her story. She once told me she was raped. She told me that the second time we met. However she seems to be pretty strong and has not developed mental illness seemingly. I have met many women who did. I will have a full benzo in my system it might be a unique chance for me to get a long conversation with her where my brain is totally clear. I think she could know I am somewhat interested in her. But I am not fully sure. She is so cute but she is not my league in any way. I could even imagine that she does not want any boyfriend at all because of her experiences. She is still an enigma for me.
So this was all off-topic. My chance with her is very close to 0. The more important message is the extreme torture that is awaiting me after the exam. Holy shit.
To be the core of this thread.
The most obvious answer would be N or SN would be the drugs that symbolize suicide the most. However probably only suicides where there is no violence involved. We associate peaceful suicides with them.
The withdrawal of benzos is like hell on earth for me. I could associate with it like eating nails which cut through your body as a suicide method. Or actually like two horses that tear your body apart. In my native language it is easier for me to describe it but this is actually how extreme psychosomatic pain feels for me. The pain is in my feet. Like getting teared apart while living.
I once had to take haldol (or haloperidol) which is an extremely strong antipsychotic. This felt like a brain death. The capacity of my congitive skills simply vanished.
If the suicide is very peaceful with whatever method one could associate it with sedatives. Some say weed is calming (it can also have the complete opposite effect depening on your genes). Maybe if you OD on a drug that makes you feel extremely good.
Another idea death/suicide could be seen as the opposite of life/ a new beginning. And life usually starts with sex. SSRI can induce PSSD a hellish condition. So SSRI could also symbolize suicide.
If people here have made extremely negative experiences with certain treatments they can also have the personal feeling that a certain drugs drives them to commit suicide.
Holy shit I am so scared about the withdrawal symptoms. But for now that's it. Thanks for reading it it helped me to share this evening a lot.
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