Yuki K
Student
- Mar 9, 2023
- 122
RainyPrimadonna
Nice to meet you! ツ
- Mar 11, 2023
- 30
Well I would first deny using this forum and try to (i know it's really bad) gaslight them into thinking they saw wrong, because with my current situation it'd be pretty awful if someone were to find out. It'd be so awkward if anyone I knew saw, my mum is a mental health nurse, my dad studied psychology in university (he's jobless, he was in his last year and just stopped), and most of my friends are already dealing with their friend (I didn't know him) who commit suicide not even a week ago.. I would 100% be forced to go to a mental health ward or smthn, and I am terribly afraid of mental health wards. I've never been placed in one, but when I was little my mum would tell me stories of patients attacking her and probably other patients too, her stopping them from CTB, her having to shove food down their throats, having to clean their shit up (literal shit), and patients refusing to take medicine, etc. Basically I am terribly afraid of any mental institute in any way shape or form, so I am trying to be extremely careful when using this site because with how many people knowledgeable about suicide etc in my life, I would be in a very uncomfortable situation..
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HuskyD'hiver
Je meurs chaque jour...
- Oct 14, 2023
- 47
I know my family would be concerned, but I already have a therapist and my family would probably look at this more as forum for getting my emotions out when I am not in counseling. I've been super scared of my family finding out, as I still live with them so I don't have to pay rent while going to university; not fear that they would put me into some treatment program (I probably deserve the suffering as a consequence), instead the fear that they may get upset and feel that this is their fault. I don't really give a shit about what happens to me, I only care about how to would affect others, not about their opinion of me if they found out. I probably would try to deny it like I did for a ton of my unfinished homework back in primary education, but my parents can tell when I'm lying about something. So, I will try to hide this as best as I can from everyone, but I know that I'll do something stupid and get caught writing about SI and my parents will be fearful about my safety.
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princexhhn
call me prince
- Sep 26, 2023
- 109
a handful of people in my life know that i use this site. half dont care, half got pissed/annoyed ig that they had to be burdened with that info lol. but yeah if another person finds out then wtv ill tell them the truth, from my experience they never even really do anything to stop me T-T
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IWishToDie
I check notifications once per week
- Dec 31, 2023
- 480
If they knew? I'd just try to convince them the best support comes from people with similar problems.
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tarococo
professional procrastinator
- Nov 27, 2023
- 86
Lmao them finding out I'm using this website would suit them just fine, since my family strongly believes that people that are "actually suicidal" don't talk about it at all. To them, it would probably just proof that I'm attention-seeking or whatever.
Maybe my friends would be concerned, but I know they wouldn't do much about it, especially if I told them that I'm just here to be able to talk about my struggles. I'd probably be fine.
Maybe my friends would be concerned, but I know they wouldn't do much about it, especially if I told them that I'm just here to be able to talk about my struggles. I'd probably be fine.
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T
I honestly wish nobody loved me so that I don't have to feel this pain and worry about how much they're going to suffer.
The same exact thing happened to me with my sister she saw it real quick, just the title that said sanctioned suicide. She knows I'm really depressed but not to what extent, she's like why the hell are you on there, I hope you're not planning anything of course I swore to her I wouldn't do anything and explained that it's just a site where people who are very depressed come to vent and that I feel better after I vent and to people that can truly understand me. She bought into it but from time to time she'll tell me I really hope you're not planning on doing anything, I don't really like that you're on that site and once she told me something that absolutely breaks me down into tears , she said if you did something I would blame myself and live with guilt for the rest of my life, knowing that I didn't do anything to stop you… I'm bawling my eyes out thinking about it now..
I honestly wish nobody loved me so that I don't have to feel this pain and worry about how much they're going to suffer.
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dreamingofrest
so, so tired
- Nov 7, 2023
- 124
Your boyfriend wants to help you source meds to OD? There's not a lot of people that understanding who aren't suicidal themselves. Has he told you why that's his perspective?
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He would help me, yes. I m not sure if that is good or bad. He tried to kill himself 10 years ago, so he knows how it feels.
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dreamingofrest
so, so tired
- Nov 7, 2023
- 124
I suppose that makes more sense, then. Do you think maybe he's still suicidal himself?
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Not so strong. But he still has days he feels like that.
When we met 3,5 years ago we were both pretty much done with the world. We made a suicide pact. Things then improved a bit and we became a couple. I was still suicidal, though.
He started the uni last fall. And I.... I feel horrible.
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I don't have anyone in my life except my spousal unit and my cat, so "people" finding out is not much of a concern.
As for my spousal unit, they are very aware that I am suicidal and try to be as understanding and supportive as possible, though they are very pro-life and would physically stop any attempt if they were home when it happened.
They are aware that I am a member of a big online support group for people who experience suicidal ideation. The good thing is they are happy with that explanation because I have found a safe space and it has been enough for them to never look further. I am glad of that but even if they did see the content of this site they would still never have me sent away or tell me to leave the forum; we have discussed at length the trauma I have from being forced into seeing unhelpful, often abusive therapists and being forcibly (inappropriately) hospitalised and the effect it had on me, and they agree that it's the wrong thing and would never do that to me under any circumstances. I am aware of how fortunate I am to have a spouse who would never let that happen again, and who would never do more than just remove the method from my hands and try to be as supportive as possible after.
If I have to be with someone who is pro-life, I would rather have this person than someone who would be a reactionary imbecile and cause more damage.
As for my spousal unit, they are very aware that I am suicidal and try to be as understanding and supportive as possible, though they are very pro-life and would physically stop any attempt if they were home when it happened.
They are aware that I am a member of a big online support group for people who experience suicidal ideation. The good thing is they are happy with that explanation because I have found a safe space and it has been enough for them to never look further. I am glad of that but even if they did see the content of this site they would still never have me sent away or tell me to leave the forum; we have discussed at length the trauma I have from being forced into seeing unhelpful, often abusive therapists and being forcibly (inappropriately) hospitalised and the effect it had on me, and they agree that it's the wrong thing and would never do that to me under any circumstances. I am aware of how fortunate I am to have a spouse who would never let that happen again, and who would never do more than just remove the method from my hands and try to be as supportive as possible after.
If I have to be with someone who is pro-life, I would rather have this person than someone who would be a reactionary imbecile and cause more damage.
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dreamingofrest
so, so tired
- Nov 7, 2023
- 124
I'm sorry you feel so horrible, it sounds like your situation is pretty complicated right now. Hopefully you two can keep supporting each other however possible.
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LunarLynx
Just a lost spirit searching freedom
- Dec 18, 2023
- 97
They don't speak English, neither they know how to make good search online. So I doubt It can happen.
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It is difficult. He is an Asperger autist, doesn't understand emotions intuitivley.
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Unfortunately I told my therapist a few weeks ago and she seemed fine about it - didn't tell her the name of the site. I had taken an overdose a few weeks ago and she was aware of that - had not reached out for medical care though. This morning, I sent an email.to my therapist asking her if we could have an online session tomorrow - instead of the normal face to face sessio - as I am really struggling with my health. She agreed, but also mentioned that for the last 30 minutes of the meeting, the psychiatrist will also be joining online due to the O/D from a few weeks ago. Worried what is going to happen now and perhaps honesty is not always the best policy.., Except I cannot lie - autistic.
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loslassen
call me jvne
- Dec 8, 2023
- 149
as someone who actively uses this forum to vent it's surprising I haven't asked myself this question, so thanks for the input.
honestly I have absolutely no clue, I wouldn't hide or deny it, but what kind of statement can I even do? I'm careful when using it and my family doesn't scavenge through my stuff so it's highly unlikely they'll know. I live with only my sister and my dad, I feel my sister would overreact since she went through a suicidal phase a couple years ago, but she was young, mentally ill, affected by the media she consumed and trapped physically in an abusive environment (before my parents divorced) so I feel she wouldn't understand me at all, or rather be shocked or scared by the blunt purpose of this forum. For my dad I suspect he already knows, maybe he's checked our home modem and knows I access this forum from several of my devices often, maybe he hasn't seen what I post exactly or what it's about, and if he doesn't know and he finds out… I feel we'd have a long conversation that I can't expect much from.
I don't think I'd be signed up into a psych ward or anything alike, but maybe he'd take my devices, or uncomfortably check up on me often. I don't self harm as much as I used to, and they never noticed when I did, so I don't think they'd take dangerous objects from me, which is a plus ig. Anywho I'm just depressed, I'm mentally drained and it's what's led me to consider suicide, I'm a grateful and blessed person, but I'm also misunderstood, lonely, emotionally abandoned, often taken for granted, I work even though I'm just a daughter, and a series of reasons that really have me longing for an escape. I've been keeping myself busy lately which is why I'd say I'm doing a little better, but all around my life is the same, so it's a matter of time and things out of my control if I ctb or not.
however one person does know I'm on here, my partner whom I've been with for almost 3 years, he knows about my old account and I just recently told him about this one, he's not disappointed but I can tell he's not happy either, but he respects me and that this place is somewhere in which I can seek some kind of support.
I wish it could've been different and that I wasn't here, but it's also harmfully comforting, a freedom of expression I don't have anywhere else.
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