If it's bad how can it look so good? Will I be rewarded if I be good?

[thereisnoone]

And through my biological inclination I had convinced myself they were good. That they meant well. When all I was, a fantasy in my head. When you get past that high, and you clear up. You start to really see what it is you love. Not what you want. What you need. To convince yourself to keep living. I convinced myself. When all they do is surround. How can you ignore. You just have to. To stay sane. They are always looking for an opportunity to get in your face. It gives them life. I don't know how. I'm still trying to figure that out. I just wish we were all happy. No, everyone just wants to make sure they're happy. It can get you so excited. So, so excited. Like a heaven that doesn't seem to want to exist. How can a devil make themselves look so good? Will I really be rewarded for suffering more than those who chose pleasure. But they seem to be winning in this life. How can it be this way. Will I really be rewarded?

 

[The_Sadness_of_Life]

This is so deep I can't understand

 

[EmptyBottle]

imo it depends on what the suffering/pleasure involves, and who is impacted by one's choices.
I doubt CTB would result in a simple heaven/hell option:
if it's a cheaty way to heaven, then that's a loophole for humans
If it's a fast way to hell, then the evil abusers who drive others to CTB may be able to keep abusing, and cheat the point of hell.

Could be anything from purgatory for some time (to make amends for destroying the gift of life) to reincarnation in either a better entity (for those who suffered excessively compared to others), or a random entity (tho hope there is a reincarnation limit if it was the latter)