futurebuscatcher
Cat Connoisseur
- Sep 15, 2024
- 46
I'm so anxious about attempting cause I know I will fail. I will send out my suicide letters in case I actually manage to but SI will kick in or I fuck up the method and then what.
It doesn't help that I have Bipolar/Manic depression and probably some fucking form of personality disorder or Dysthymia which is basically seen as "Bad Person Disorder" and everyone with it has a shitty rep cause of it.
If I fail it's just gonna add to that. That I decided to send those letters out knowing I'll fail or something. Then I'm just gonna come off as attention seeking or manipulative and miserable. Then what.
I admit I do crave some form of attention and validation and passively thought about doing something extreme for it, but acting on it is unfair and pretty fucked up. Besides, putting yourself in a situation where you actually could die is just a dumb way to do it. Plus the attention you'd get from it wouldn't really feel good anyways.
I don't know what to do. If I fail people will see me different and they'll hate me. I'll feel like I manipulated them into caring.
I mean I think I'll fail. I never hung myself before and plan to experiment, but even then shouldn't I send out my letters just in case? I don't know man I hate these shitty disorders.
Am I being manipulative?? Does this come across super fucked up?? Please give it to me straight and tell me how to fix it if it's a yes.
It doesn't help that I have Bipolar/Manic depression and probably some fucking form of personality disorder or Dysthymia which is basically seen as "Bad Person Disorder" and everyone with it has a shitty rep cause of it.
If I fail it's just gonna add to that. That I decided to send those letters out knowing I'll fail or something. Then I'm just gonna come off as attention seeking or manipulative and miserable. Then what.
I admit I do crave some form of attention and validation and passively thought about doing something extreme for it, but acting on it is unfair and pretty fucked up. Besides, putting yourself in a situation where you actually could die is just a dumb way to do it. Plus the attention you'd get from it wouldn't really feel good anyways.
I don't know what to do. If I fail people will see me different and they'll hate me. I'll feel like I manipulated them into caring.
I mean I think I'll fail. I never hung myself before and plan to experiment, but even then shouldn't I send out my letters just in case? I don't know man I hate these shitty disorders.
Am I being manipulative?? Does this come across super fucked up?? Please give it to me straight and tell me how to fix it if it's a yes.
