If I don't get a gf soon I will CTB

[StupidCat]

you say that as if i have a choice in the matter

you have a choice in the actions you take, sorry if life didn't treat you kindly, i don't think it hasnt for most of us, but getting a gf won't make your life better, it might even make it worse considering the state of the current dating landscape

 

[morina]

I originally didn't want to reply to this thread since I didn't really have anything to say, since, well, I cannot help you in any way to find someone who you can love and who loves you. But the ensuing discussion tempts me to add my two cents since almost every comment on this thread disgusts me to some degree. Nothing of what I say is an absolute truth, but I'd like to bring a different perspective into this which you (be it OP or another person) may or may not deem worth considering.

First, I think it's great you don't resort to the (often one-sided, sometimes mutually) exploitative business of prostitution (or whatever euphemism that manosphere person used for it). I don't know if moral reasons play into that decision for you, but even if they didn't, seeing it as an undesirable sham shows you are probably more into the love aspect than into the sexual aspect of a relationship. No matter if you ctb or not, please continue that way.
And @ilovenewyork, please cut the bullshit and stop trying to shove that ideology down struggling people's throats. Though you seem too far into the rabbit hole to consider that request. I just wish you may some day wake up from it. It hurts you and everyone else. I do not wish to discuss that matter further, though.

I don't understand why it is that people always try to invalidate the feeling of unhappiness or even suicidality when in context of the lack of relationships. Especially on this site here, nearly every reason finds understanding and supportive comments. But lack of connection to other humans, which we humans need since we are social animals, suddenly isn't good enough of a reason? It's okay to implicitly call you a slur ("incel") associated in media and today's general culture with rape, violence, murder and hatred, when you just stated your frustration and made a small generalising statement? People make unfair generalising statements because of personal experiences all the time, also on this site, so why do you have to be picked on? The people here admonishing you for generalising even go on to make generalising statements in the very same post! When these always make up the majority of reactions to such posts, it's no wonder that kind lonely men would rather vent in actual incel spaces and get radicalised there.

I also disagree with going literally anywhere else to vent. Like, where should you? Incel spaces will feed you that sexual market value crap in response and try to radicalise you. "Mainstream" (for the lack of a better word; I usually don't like saying mainstream since it's basically right-wing/incel lingo in itself) spaces will just call you incel and tell you to do XY, assume you are an unwashed, ungroomed, creepy, fat basement dweller women don't want to be around, or act like you currently don't treat women as people because people don't want to accept that you can also just have bad luck and be socially awkward without it being your fault or treating people badly or hating groups.

Do people here even see the irony of a man expressing the feeling of being hated and then being called hateful slurs in response? Even going with that stupid bear thing. "Not meant to be offensive", yeah, sure. Yeah, maybe OP is just lying and actually an incel hardliner, who knows? Everyone could lie all the time, especially on the internet. Why would you have to assume the worst? Act a little kind, even if you had traumatic experiences with men. I have been raped by an man I was close with before and emotionally abused by another, but I can still feel compassion to innocent members of the group.

Getting "incel" thrown in your face is disrespectful and I can see why you are hurt. In its original sense, incel was a neutral description, but it very obviously isn't anymore. That assumption you are just wanting a relationship for sex is hurful, too, even though you never implied it. It's sad.

Sigh, this whole topic is just so exhausting. Can't wait for people thinking or outright telling me I will never be a real woman because I sympathise with incels or males rights activism or something like that. OP, if you wanna vent some more without being called an incel or your thoughts being attributed to manosphere, my DMs are open. I can't and don't want to be your girlfriend; even if, I assume you wouldn't want a trans girl anyway. And I also can't help you directly or give advice, but I see you are a good person at heart and not a misogynist or something like that and think you deserve some more respect and a little peace.

 

[spellbound]

you do realize incel, the very definition of it, means involuntary celibiate. Meaning a man, or a women since a women coined the term ironically enough, does not have a romantic partner.

That's definitely not the definition, that's the etymology
Words change meanings over time and it's important to keep that in mind
This word represents far more than just an involuntary celibate, it represents a member of a community, centered around the ideologies of hypergamy and blackpill
A community known for being mass killers, neo nazis, misogynistic, racist and much more
Words hold a lot of power, so you can't incorrectly throw them around, I might be involuntary celibate, but I'll never, ever be an incel

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Why do you feel live your life isn't worth living without a relationship?

 

[3spiral]

I feel bad about people saying this is not a good reason to choose to ctb or that you should work on yourself and stuff. there's no good reason to be suicidal. if you're painfully lonely you might want to fill that void with girls and you can't really get that out of your mind if it's your only possibility for coping

 

[N-methylamphetamine]

That's definitely not the definition, that's the etymology
Words change meanings over time and it's important to keep that in mind
This word represents far more than just an involuntary celibate, it represents a member of a community, centered around the ideologies of hypergamy and blackpill
A community known for being mass killers, neo nazis, misogynistic, racist and much more
Words hold a lot of power, so you can't incorrectly throw them around, I might be involuntary celibate, but I'll never, ever be an incel

I might be involuntary celibate, but I'll never, ever be an incel

...you do realize by definition thats the same thing.

Also i cant realize see how hypergamy and blackpill are inherently misogynistic

I feel bad about people saying this is not a good reason to choose to ctb or that you should work on yourself and stuff. there's no good reason to be suicidal. if you're painfully lonely you might want to fill that void with girls and you can't really get that out of your mind if it's your only possibility for coping

right?

I originally didn't want to reply to this thread since I didn't really have anything to say, since, well, I cannot help you in any way to find someone who you can love and who loves you. But the ensuing discussion tempts me to add my two cents since almost every comment on this thread disgusts me to some degree. Nothing of what I say is an absolute truth, but I'd like to bring a different perspective into this which you (be it OP or another person) may or may not deem worth considering.

First, I think it's great you don't resort to the (often one-sided, sometimes mutually) exploitative business of prostitution (or whatever euphemism that manosphere person used for it). I don't know if moral reasons play into that decision for you, but even if they didn't, seeing it as an undesirable sham shows you are probably more into the love aspect than into the sexual aspect of a relationship. No matter if you ctb or not, please continue that way.
And @ilovenewyork, please cut the bullshit and stop trying to shove that ideology down struggling people's throats. Though you seem too far into the rabbit hole to consider that request. I just wish you may some day wake up from it. It hurts you and everyone else. I do not wish to discuss that matter further, though.

I don't understand why it is that people always try to invalidate the feeling of unhappiness or even suicidality when in context of the lack of relationships. Especially on this site here, nearly every reason finds understanding and supportive comments. But lack of connection to other humans, which we humans need since we are social animals, suddenly isn't good enough of a reason? It's okay to implicitly call you a slur ("incel") associated in media and today's general culture with rape, violence, murder and hatred, when you just stated your frustration and made a small generalising statement? People make unfair generalising statements because of personal experiences all the time, also on this site, so why do you have to be picked on? The people here admonishing you for generalising even go on to make generalising statements in the very same post! When these always make up the majority of reactions to such posts, it's no wonder that kind lonely men would rather vent in actual incel spaces and get radicalised there.

I also disagree with going literally anywhere else to vent. Like, where should you? Incel spaces will feed you that sexual market value crap in response and try to radicalise you. "Mainstream" (for the lack of a better word; I usually don't like saying mainstream since it's basically right-wing/incel lingo in itself) spaces will just call you incel and tell you to do XY, assume you are an unwashed, ungroomed, creepy, fat basement dweller women don't want to be around, or act like you currently don't treat women as people because people don't want to accept that you can also just have bad luck and be socially awkward without it being your fault or treating people badly or hating groups.

Do people here even see the irony of a man expressing the feeling of being hated and then being called hateful slurs in response? Even going with that stupid bear thing. "Not meant to be offensive", yeah, sure. Yeah, maybe OP is just lying and actually an incel hardliner, who knows? Everyone could lie all the time, especially on the internet. Why would you have to assume the worst? Act a little kind, even if you had traumatic experiences with men. I have been raped by an man I was close with before and emotionally abused by another, but I can still feel compassion to innocent members of the group.

Getting "incel" thrown in your face is disrespectful and I can see why you are hurt. In its original sense, incel was a neutral description, but it very obviously isn't anymore. That assumption you are just wanting a relationship for sex is hurful, too, even though you never implied it. It's sad.

Sigh, this whole topic is just so exhausting. Can't wait for people thinking or outright telling me I will never be a real woman because I sympathise with incels or males rights activism or something like that. OP, if you wanna vent some more without being called an incel or your thoughts being attributed to manosphere, my DMs are open. I can't and don't want to be your girlfriend; even if, I assume you wouldn't want a trans girl anyway. And I also can't help you directly or give advice, but I see you are a good person at heart and not a misogynist or something like that and think you deserve some more respect and a little peace.

I dont understand why people throw around slurs and insults here... we're all here because we want to kill ourselves so like....whats the point lmao.


Thank you for a actually nuanced take.

 

[spellbound]

...you do realize by definition thats the same thing.

Also i cant realize see how hypergamy and blackpill are inherently misogynistic

No, it is not the same thing at all… again, etymology and definition are two different concepts that you seem to confuse. A lot of words changed meaning since they were made (punk used to mean prostitute, for exemple, but if someone told you they were a punk, you wouldn't think about that)
An incel is more than an involuntary celibate, that's just a fact

Also, i didn't say that hypergamy and blackpill were inherently misogynistic, although that's what I do think in the case of hypergamy, but that's a whole other debate
I only said that the incel community is known for its misogyny, which I feel like most people can agree with

 

[adachichichi]

Why do you feel live your life isn't worth living without a relationship?

because in my 27 years of life, and 8+ ever since i graduated, i dont really value anything else nearly to the same degree as having a girl love you

 

[morina]

Also i cant realize see how hypergamy and blackpill are inherently misogynistic

They usually are. Of course, you could extend hypergamy as a concept to everyone and say everyone would like to date "out of their league" (ugh). But it usually very much is used as "80 % of women want to date top 20 % of men", which is pretty one-sided and I'd say also misogynistic. Same goes for the entire blackpill ideology. It's this notion of "women are at fault". And well, I'd say the belief of women being at fault for male loneliness is pretty delusional. But, and that's why I commented before, I also don't believe that most lonely men (and by extension people in general) are at fault of being lonely. For most, it's an unfortunate coincidence. Sometimes it's about individual circumstances like autism or social anxiety, sometimes it's because people (more often than not men) fall through society's social safety nets.

So uh, what I want to say is: Please don't subscribe to blackpill and hypergamy ideas. Neither will they improve your life, nor make you feel better. They will just hurt others. Doesn't even matter if they are misogynistic or not, those just aren't healthy ideologies.

Single & Winning: A Bloke's Thank-You Note to the Universe

Thank you, Fate, for that dodged romance,
For every "crazy ex" I never gave a chance.
No psycho texts at 3AM going "we need to talk,"
No "you liked her pic?!" meltdowns on my TikTok.

Never had to nod through a 4-hour vent sesh,
About her star sign, her boss, and why Mercury's a mess.
Never split rent with a girl and her 6 cats named Kevin,
Who says I'm "emotionally unavailable" for playing PS5 till eleven.

My fridge has beer, not oat milk with her name on,
No passive-aggressive sticky notes saying "the bins — come on."
No one stole my hoodies then claimed they "look better on her,"
Or made me watch _Love Island_ as emotional torture.

My mates moan their missus checks their location 24/7,
While I'm free as a lad — that's my version of heaven.
No "babe, who's Sarah?" when it's my mum texting me,
No drama, no trauma, just peace and Xbox legacy.

So here's to the bullets I dodged in Adidas slides,
The walking red flags I never swiped right on, no lies.
I'm single, I'm solvent, my gaming rank's elite —
Turns out "alone" beats "sorry babe, my phone died" on repeat.

Cheers to being lucky in love... by being lucky enough to skip it

Sigh, I think you mean well, but this really isn't helpful. Some "I hate my wife" boomer humour won't make a lonely person feel better about having never experienced love.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

because in my 27 years of life, and 8+ ever since i graduated, i dont really value anything else nearly to the same degree as having a girl love you

Having your life dependant on a relationship is never a good idea.. And there are many aspects to life outside of relationships. Regardless I hope you are able to find someone that loves and appreciates you for who you are. Because you deserve to be loved. God bless.

 

[adachichichi]

hypergamy and blackpill stuff doesnt really bother me, but i've been single for my entire life, so it seems to have impacted me if that makes sense
i just wanna girl to love me, i dont want to be bitter about how life is

Having your life dependant on a relationship is never a good idea.. And there are many aspects to life outside of relationships. Regardless I hope you are able to find someone that loves and appreciates you for who you are. Because you deserve to be loved. God bless.

i appreciate it but for me its all i care about, and nothing can really fix that unfortunately
i just need love from a girl to feel whole

 

[graveflower]

I don't want to engage in a lot of the chaos on this thread although I do think there were a lot of good points made by some people and I think you deserve some nuance and compassion although I disagree with some of your takes- I understand they were formed from repeated experiences, though. You mentioned being an autistic individual, and I can understand where "black and white thinking" comes into play. I see where you're coming from and what has led you to feeling the way you do and I don't think you truly feel that way about all women nor do I think you're terrible.

If what is making you want to CTB is conditional, I think that some reevaluation might not be entirely harmful. I don't want to push you, but I do want to offer the reminder that you are someone who is worthy of improvement in one way or another and you are worthy of seeking routes that will make you feel better. No one can help save you if you don't allow yourself to be saved, though. I won't pretend to know every little detail of what you've been through, or what you've already tried to help yourself out. And yeah- we are just in an unfortunate time period for dating all across the board. Women aren't a singularity, as others have already chimed in. I hope things get better for you.

 

[StupidCat]

i just wanna girl to love me, i dont want to be bitter about how life is

same, i think we're pretty much in the same situation, we males need a reason and a person to keep going, to fight for and to feel at ease with someone, may sound misogynistic nowadays but I think it still holds true
unfortunately due to autism we're pretty much cursed to never have a funcional relationship, to almost never engage in situations where romance naturally evolves and to be awkward all the time which obviously hinders our ability to get involved in others and open up to others without being creepy or pushy
but then again i think you are putting too much importance of your concept of love, it's not always that easy to get into one, to maintain them to make someone actually fall for you, it's a lot of work it's not as simple as 'someone will love me for who i am' which is pretty much a fairy tale. I think you are better off focusing on improving your self esteem so you can feel whole without the need for someone else, in my case I have great women in my family which I adore and they're just pretty much my motivation to keep going
i know it's hard to let go of your ideals, but sometimes that has to be done to ease the pain

 

[adachichichi]

i

same, i think we're pretty much in the same situation, we males need a reason and a person to keep going, to fight for and to feel at ease with someone, may sound misogynistic nowadays but I think it still holds true
unfortunately due to autism we're pretty much cursed to never have a funcional relationship, to almost never engage in situations where romance naturally evolves and to be awkward all the time which obviously hinders our ability to get involved in others and open up to others without being creepy or pushy
but then again i think you are putting too much importance of your concept of love, it's not always that easy to get into one, to maintain them to make someone actually fall for you, it's a lot of work it's not as simple as 'someone will love me for who i am' which is pretty much a fairy tale. I think you are better off focusing on improving your self esteem so you can feel whole without the need for someone else, in my case I have great women in my family which I adore and they're just pretty much my motivation to keep going
i know it's hard to let go of your ideals, but sometimes that has to be done to ease the pain

think ctb will be my eventual end, nothing can fill the void

 

[N-methylamphetamine]

They usually are. Of course, you could extend hypergamy as a concept to everyone and say everyone would like to date "out of their league" (ugh). But it usually very much is used as "80 % of women want to date top 20 % of men", which is pretty one-sided and I'd say also misogynistic. Same goes for the entire blackpill ideology. It's this notion of "women are at fault". And well, I'd say the belief of women being at fault for male loneliness is pretty delusional. But, and that's why I commented before, I also don't believe that most lonely men (and by extension people in general) are at fault of being lonely. For most, it's an unfortunate coincidence. Sometimes it's about individual circumstances like autism or social anxiety, sometimes it's because people (more often than not men) fall through society's social safety nets.

So uh, what I want to say is: Please don't subscribe to blackpill and hypergamy ideas. Neither will they improve your life, nor make you feel better. They will just hurt others. Doesn't even matter if they are misogynistic or not, those just aren't healthy ideologies.


Sigh, I think you mean well, but this really isn't helpful. Some "I hate my wife" boomer humour won't make a lonely person feel better about having never experienced love.

i mean saying "80 % of women want to date top 20 % of men" isnt really misogynistic imho...it's also pretty untrue to a certain degree and the blackpill is, if anything, looksism. It applies to men too if you pay close attention

 

[Off_Switch]

Work on being the best version of yourself that you possibly can. Both physically and personality wise. Figure out what the opposite sex wants and become it. After that, don't chase. Be chased.

 

[end_terminal]

because in my 27 years of life, and 8+ ever since i graduated, i dont really value anything else nearly to the same degree as having a girl love you

You're setting yourself up for an extremely toxic and co-dependent relationship if you find someone. You have essentially put the entire weight of your happiness or sadness onto another person. It won't work. You will find someone healthy who will eventually break from this immense pressure. Or someone toxic who will exploit your need for them. It's really nice to think that it works that way. That someone kind and sweet will love you gently, soothe your every worry. That with their help and a better mental state, you will be able to flourish and escape whatever shitty thing that plagues you now. But that's not how people work, that's not how relationships work at all. There are fights, there are misunderstandings. I had the same thoughts before, and I essentially threw myself into any relationship.

And my whole life revolved around them 24/7. If they simply were a bit late to responding, I would spiral. Thinking they despised me and hated me. And in turn, resentment would grow. It's just extremely unhealthy.

And putting the entire pressure of "I'll kill myself" if this relationship doesn't work out the way I want to, to another person. You'll eventually just break and hurt the other person if they stay.

Okay then what about toxic relationships! As long as someone loves me, even if they push my boundaries and stuff,, surely it will be fine! I thought that too. Holy shit, no matter what you think you're okay with putting up with— you aren't. I had someone who constantly was affectionate with me! Wanted me to immediately move in! Yeah, the affection was really nice. Now imagine the look of disappointment and thinly veiled anger in their eyes as you dare reject any of their ideas. Remember this person, by your own design, is your entire reason to live.

This sucks and its shitty, but the only answer I have found most reasonable. Is the most boring and tedious. You have to find a support system, people who treat you well, people who you enjoy hanging with. Find a hobby that makes shitty life forgettable for a moment. You have to realize what causes to spiral and address that. Yeah the world fucked you up, and it will not help fix you. It sucks, but in a way it means you have some control. No matter how terrifying that control is.

I hope you good luck on your future endeavours!

 

[aoseno perpetuo]

Maybe women don't like you because you talk like an incel? Grouping the entirety of women into one category just to degrade them is very incel-y. Incels are a historically dangerous group of people, and most women I know would rather be alone than in an abusive relationship. You have to make yourself trustworthy before most women would touch you. You have to treat women as people before you could get a girlfriend.

There are definitely women who are shallow assholes who only care about looks and money, but I can guarantee that is not most people. I'd avoid dating apps if I were you; they're meant to sell you stuff, not actually make you happy. If you're not happy with yourself now, being in a relationship will not fix this.

This video explains this better than I ever could. It is a little long though, and you'll probably have to challenge some assumptions about yourself.

The way you seriously linked that video is comical and almost insulting. And you aren't even listening to what this vulnerable individual is feeling and saying, you are just accusing him of buzzwords you dislike.

 

[adachichichi]

You're setting yourself up for an extremely toxic and co-dependent relationship if you find someone. You have essentially put the entire weight of your happiness or sadness onto another person. It won't work. You will find someone healthy who will eventually break from this immense pressure. Or someone toxic who will exploit your need for them. It's really nice to think that it works that way. That someone kind and sweet will love you gently, soothe your every worry. That with their help and a better mental state, you will be able to flourish and escape whatever shitty thing that plagues you now. But that's not how people work, that's not how relationships work at all. There are fights, there are misunderstandings. I had the same thoughts before, and I essentially threw myself into any relationship.

And my whole life revolved around them 24/7. If they simply were a bit late to responding, I would spiral. Thinking they despised me and hated me. And in turn, resentment would grow. It's just extremely unhealthy.

And putting the entire pressure of "I'll kill myself" if this relationship doesn't work out the way I want to, to another person. You'll eventually just break and hurt the other person if they stay.

Okay then what about toxic relationships! As long as someone loves me, even if they push my boundaries and stuff,, surely it will be fine! I thought that too. Holy shit, no matter what you think you're okay with putting up with— you aren't. I had someone who constantly was affectionate with me! Wanted me to immediately move in! Yeah, the affection was really nice. Now imagine the look of disappointment and thinly veiled anger in their eyes as you dare reject any of their ideas. Remember this person, by your own design, is your entire reason to live.

This sucks and its shitty, but the only answer I have found most reasonable. Is the most boring and tedious. You have to find a support system, people who treat you well, people who you enjoy hanging with. Find a hobby that makes shitty life forgettable for a moment. You have to realize what causes to spiral and address that. Yeah the world fucked you up, and it will not help fix you. It sucks, but in a way it means you have some control. No matter how terrifying that control is.

I hope you good luck on your future endeavours!

i think, as i mentioned above, that ctb is just the solution if what you say is all true

 

[aoseno perpetuo]

im sorry youre in this solitude and pain OP and you shouldnt listen to people acting as if your yearning is "selfish" or immature

 

[SoverignDreamer97]

"You can't please everyone," Suncha says, "control the things you can control.

 

[Out_Of_My_Head]

I sat in my garage with the engine running (not realizing that catalytic converters had rendered that method useless) because of what my bipolar ex did to me 25 years ago, so I hope you find someone but don't go "all in" on the first one that comes along. A narcissist can make you miserable in ways that you might not be able to fathom yet.