If I die now, or in 40 years, what difference will it make?

[NEARLYTime]

Even if I manage to enjoy myself at times over the next 40 years, amongst all the misery, illness and discomfort, what difference will that make for the next 14 billion years, or however the universe has left? I', already in constant pain, addicted to Oxycodone and Xanax, my asthma is out of control, I have to get up at 2 am every morning to calm it down with a hot drink, so I'm constatntly tied - all the money I was saving to buy a house has gone on Oxy and Xanax, I can't work any more, I keep waking up in the middle of the night with excruciating calf cramps, which seem to be moving in my hanmstrings - if I don't do this soon, I want even be able to drive to the cliffs to 'fall' off, which will take me about 6 hours to drive if I set my sat-nav to non-motorways, which I'll have to, because if I get calf or hamstring cramp whislt driving on a motorway, which has happened before, I'll be in an unimaginable hell, trying to deal with that at 80 mph. I'll have to stay in a hotel for 2 days half way through the journey to 'the cliffs'. I have to go to soon. This situation is becoming too fucked up to cope with. I don't want to to get to the point where I can't drive at all - then I'd be beyond fucked...

 

[Julgran]

Even if I manage to enjoy myself at times over the next 40 years, amongst all the misery, illness and discomfort, what difference will that make for the next 14 billion years, or however the universe has left? I', already in constant pain, addicted to Oxycodone and Xanax, my asthma is out of control, I have to get up at 2 am every morning to calm it down with a hot drink, so I'm constatntly tied - all the money I was saving to buy a house has gone on Oxy and Xanax, I can't work any more, I keep waking up in the middle of the night with excruciating calf cramps, which seem to be moving in my hanmstrings - if I don't do this soon, I want even be able to drive to the cliffs to 'fall' off, which will take me about 6 hours to drive if I set my sat-nav to non-motorways, which I'll have to, because if I get calf or hamstring cramp whislt driving on a motorway, which has happened before, I'll be in an unimaginable hell, trying to deal with that at 80 mph. I'll have to stay in a hotel for 2 days half way through the journey to 'the cliffs'. I have to go to soon. This situation is becoming too fucked up to cope with. I don't want to to get to the point where I can't drive at all - then I'd be beyond fucked...

As I see it, In the long run, nothing that anyone does is important. For example, let's say that humanity continues to exist for billions and trillions of years from now, will the people who live then, in the future, even learn about World War II..? I don't believe so, which means that anything that happens is only important for a specific set of people who live in and around the time that something happens.

From a personal perspective - unless you have a family or friends whom you care about, the only good that you do in this world is to act as tax cattle for the state.

 

[Hope:-)]

I know what you mean. My life is getting so painful I feel like I have to go soon. I'm sorry to hear of your addiction. I don't have an addiction but I think it's just such a cruel thing to have, I wish I had some advice but I'm in the same boat. Wishing you the best xx

 

[FuneralCry]

It won't make any difference. Staying alive is only delaying the inevitable which just shows how pointless existence really is. Humans suffer so much just to die eventually anyway and be forgotten about. Our only real purpose as humans is to die and everything else in life is just a distraction.

 

[hamvil]

Even if I manage to enjoy myself at times over the next 40 years, amongst all the misery, illness and discomfort, what difference will that make for the next 14 billion years, or however the universe has left? I', already in constant pain, addicted to Oxycodone and Xanax, my asthma is out of control, I have to get up at 2 am every morning to calm it down with a hot drink, so I'm constatntly tied - all the money I was saving to buy a house has gone on Oxy and Xanax, I can't work any more, I keep waking up in the middle of the night with excruciating calf cramps, which seem to be moving in my hanmstrings - if I don't do this soon, I want even be able to drive to the cliffs to 'fall' off, which will take me about 6 hours to drive if I set my sat-nav to non-motorways, which I'll have to, because if I get calf or hamstring cramp whislt driving on a motorway, which has happened before, I'll be in an unimaginable hell, trying to deal with that at 80 mph. I'll have to stay in a hotel for 2 days half way through the journey to 'the cliffs'. I have to go to soon. This situation is becoming too fucked up to cope with. I don't want to to get to the point where I can't drive at all - then I'd be beyond fucked...

Coud not agree more, I am so tired of this life and how it has gone.

 

[Hollowman]

Sadly no difference at all, I already feel like a ghost.

 

[theboy]

what does it feel like to take Xanax?
I understand your point of view. Sometimes I feel it too.

 

[Jimblue]

May be it will make difference for some people but not for me. Stay alive for another 40 years which means I need to live with my illness for another 40 years. I don't want that, this is why I am here.