Rocinante
My name is Lucifer, please take my hand
- Aug 26, 2022
- 1,462
I got the shit end of the stick.
Can't get a good job. The only things available here are shitty blue collar jobs and factory work. They expect you to break your back for 10 hour shifts to support another man's family. No point in being under someone else that makes money of your labour. I can only keep up with that for so long before it becomes too much. Commuting to any min wage job is out of the equation, I did that and with all the expenses i already have on top of paying for gas I made barely any money. I can't escape my location unless I want to work a shit job the rest of my life. I missed out on getting a college degree, the only thing that would save me. All because I was raised in poverty by junkie losers.
I'm stuck in a backwater city where the only people I can socialize with are junkies and hicks. The dregs of society, and even the people I could interact with are far and few between. It's not like I can speak anyway. I had such a shit childhood I, nor anyone else, should have had to put up with. I'm still too traumatized to communicate with anyone normally. So making friends is out of the equation. And the few I have made I would end up disliking anyway. Anytime someone says something that offends me, even if unintentional, I would cease speaking to them. Out of sight, out of mind. I guess I have some sort of inferiority complex
I can never get full sleep since there's always something awaking me. Whether it be the busy road behind me, my neighbors always having their annoying power tools going off, or another neighbor playing music. Every waking hour is constant torment. I used to cope with going for walks but I've done that so much that I've walked every route near me to the point it becomes exhausting. A chore more than anything. Instead I just have to try and drown everything out with music.
I realized today that there will never be a period in my life where I'm content with my circumstances. Even if things magically improved I'd be regretful things didn't change sooner. As if that would happen anyway. If things get worse I'll only regret not having killed myself sooner. Every attempt I had at trying to improve my life only resulted in me ending up back at 0. I have long given up on expectation of outcome, I will submit to my position in life as a bottom of the barrel trash.
I did nothing to deserve the shit childhood I was subjected to or my current circumstances, and complaining will get me nowhere. I have accept my life and come to terms with this brutal reality. Theres too many factors preventing me from moving forward in life. It's a foot on my neck. I've already missed out on every major life milestone at 25. I would rather die than constantly feel humiliated. I don't understand how people can live knowing they bring consciousness into this earth. I now fully oppose "pro life".
It never began for me. I was setup for failure. I tried hard I really did lol. It is what it is.
Can't get a good job. The only things available here are shitty blue collar jobs and factory work. They expect you to break your back for 10 hour shifts to support another man's family. No point in being under someone else that makes money of your labour. I can only keep up with that for so long before it becomes too much. Commuting to any min wage job is out of the equation, I did that and with all the expenses i already have on top of paying for gas I made barely any money. I can't escape my location unless I want to work a shit job the rest of my life. I missed out on getting a college degree, the only thing that would save me. All because I was raised in poverty by junkie losers.
I'm stuck in a backwater city where the only people I can socialize with are junkies and hicks. The dregs of society, and even the people I could interact with are far and few between. It's not like I can speak anyway. I had such a shit childhood I, nor anyone else, should have had to put up with. I'm still too traumatized to communicate with anyone normally. So making friends is out of the equation. And the few I have made I would end up disliking anyway. Anytime someone says something that offends me, even if unintentional, I would cease speaking to them. Out of sight, out of mind. I guess I have some sort of inferiority complex
I can never get full sleep since there's always something awaking me. Whether it be the busy road behind me, my neighbors always having their annoying power tools going off, or another neighbor playing music. Every waking hour is constant torment. I used to cope with going for walks but I've done that so much that I've walked every route near me to the point it becomes exhausting. A chore more than anything. Instead I just have to try and drown everything out with music.
I realized today that there will never be a period in my life where I'm content with my circumstances. Even if things magically improved I'd be regretful things didn't change sooner. As if that would happen anyway. If things get worse I'll only regret not having killed myself sooner. Every attempt I had at trying to improve my life only resulted in me ending up back at 0. I have long given up on expectation of outcome, I will submit to my position in life as a bottom of the barrel trash.
I did nothing to deserve the shit childhood I was subjected to or my current circumstances, and complaining will get me nowhere. I have accept my life and come to terms with this brutal reality. Theres too many factors preventing me from moving forward in life. It's a foot on my neck. I've already missed out on every major life milestone at 25. I would rather die than constantly feel humiliated. I don't understand how people can live knowing they bring consciousness into this earth. I now fully oppose "pro life".
It never began for me. I was setup for failure. I tried hard I really did lol. It is what it is.
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