Venting idk

[throwawayghm]

tbh i dont even know what to say I cant even rly feel anything anymore I dont have much hope left in me, I dont want to just hurt others around me by killing myself but i dont want to just be alive for others around me idk today was kinda good ig I just started antidepressants a few days ago im aware that it takes a couple of weeks to actually do anything but idk
for about an hour and a half today I actually felt rly good like the best ive felt in years idk how to describe it ig i was my old self I think tbh I dont even know what I was like before everything but when it ended I fucking crashed it was awful I felt like I was ready to do literally anything and didnt have a single doubt in my mind then everything was gone and im right back where I was
it was a nice break and im thankful I had it
idk what else to say I dont have much hope in me, ill probably give myself a few months and if im still here ill try again maybe I could get sn or smth idk