Venting Idk what to do anymore

[FoxSauce]

I just gonna pour everything out.

I really really wanna cbt beacuse inwas late for an appoinent today. It's not my fault, my sister took to long to get ready. Is not even today also yesterday.

This is for come context: I have 2 appointments. For the DBT program: one appointment individual and one with group therapy for 2 hours. Learning dbt skills.

So I couldn't accessed the service. I feel so worthless. Ik its not my fault but I feel like a failure. I just want out. I mean out of this life. Balancing work. Therapy. Personal life. Working at home with chores to help my family and my uh emotional instability is taking a toll on me.

I feel like im gonna explode, I keep.making mistakes after mistake. Ik its too much for me but keeping myself busy makes me useful and I don't have to think. Idk if this what adult life is all about.

Idk why if somwthing bad happens feels like ita the end of the world. I feels like a dissapoiment. Idk if this self sabotage or what? I feel like I have to work or my mind will be worse mentally.

I really confused and dunno what to make of this. The worst part ik I brought this to myself and in a way I am to blame and deserve it.

I talked to my sisters about hey: hey this appoiments are no joke. But I feel like im talking to a brick wall.

Worst of all i feel like people appreciate me when I have something to give (moslty money) . Otherwise that my sisters treat me like absolute crap.
Ok not full on crap but moslty getting scolded for the littlest things.

Sorry for the longest rant ever but honeslty im just trying to make sense of it. Im not sure if Im at fault. Thank you.

 

[bankai]

Were your sisters also attending these sessions or did they just accompany you? If they just accompanied you or drove you there they were being selfish and not thinking enough of you.And if they were supposed to attend with you, then they were just being stupid.

Why would they sabotage something so important that can help? Regardless of whether they helped both you and them or just you, they should have been more supportive.


It's not right. And this is one of the biggest predicament most of us face on the site. You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family.

I'm sorry, I hope you can attend those sessions at a different date.

 

[FoxSauce]

Well no they don't attend these senssions- they nice people. And im not trying villainess them for any means. But yes you do have a point.

 

[bankai]

So they don't attend it, but you told them that it was important to you. Then why did they make you late?That's not right either. You also let them know in advance.

 

[PrincessMeow]

Hey, dude, I'm sorry your sisters don't acknowledge how imp these sessions are for you. So many ppl think that 'xyz' is just a child's play just because they're not affected by it. Forgetting how much 'xyz' could mean to that person. Don't blame yourself. Mental health is just like physical health. A good family member would be attentive to a sick person's need.

Ik your feeling kind of (or maybe not. I apologise). When we have something bad happening esp because of others mistake, it really feels life is such a bad luck to us. It feels so unfair and pit fallen. You feel not even pissed, just plain disappointment in your life. Don't feel embarrassed to feel suicidal if such is your feeling.

Try to focus on what you can do now. Hope you can attend any sessions in future. Don't blame yourself. Even if it's your fault, don't dwell on it too much. Mistakes happen, it's not worth cracking your head over them.

 

[FoxSauce]

Hey, dude, I'm sorry your sisters don't acknowledge how imp these sessions are for you. So many ppl think that 'xyz' is just a child's play just because they're not affected by it. Forgetting how much 'xyz' could mean to that person. Don't blame yourself. Mental health is just like physical health. A good family member would be attentive to a sick person's need.

Ik your feeling kind of (or maybe not. I apologise). When we have something bad happening esp because of others mistake, it really feels life is such a bad luck to us. It feels so unfair and pit fallen. You feel not even pissed, just plain disappointment in your life. Don't feel embarrassed to feel suicidal if such is your feeling.

Try to focus on what you can do now. Hope you can attend any sessions in future. Don't blame yourself. Even if it's your fault, don't dwell on it too much. Mistakes happen, it's not worth cracking your head over them.

thank you so much for you message. Its hard to let things go in things like this. This helped me ground me. Thank you so much!

 

[Forever Sleep]

I tend to let mistakes really get to me too. I overreact to embarassing situations in my mind but then, at the same time, I know I just have to keep going and try to hide all that.

Being late wasn't your fault but it highlights something we have probably all encountered at one stage: People, friends, even family members can't always be relied upon. Some people are consistently unreliable. Someone at uni was pretty much pathologically late. Even for important things.

Do you have to rely on your sister taking you places? Can you get there via public transport? I guess there's more risk to catch viruses etc. but then, presumably you're going somewhere public anyway?

It's not to try and break up your relationship but I suppose I used to make a mental note of people who let me down in life and, I tried not to ask them for help again.

We ought to be able to rely on people. Especially family but I don't think we always can. I learnt that even about my Dad on occassion. It was a sad truth to realise but then, it can be empowering when you try to do stuff independently. It's swung the other way now for me, where I detest and sometimes fear having to rely on others. Not all that heathy either really but, it feels safer.

 

[SadBumblebee]

Just because you're in a bad situation it doesn't mean you're directly at fault. My life is pretty shitty and I sometimes think it's all because I did something but in reality that's just the luck of the cards.