oysa
New Member
- Jul 22, 2023
- 1
I'm like one of those Asian kid prodigies and I still am considered one. everyone treats me likes one - like I skipped a grade and I took year 11 math classes in yr 8 and had all this extension. Except like I never really believed I was just that good. Like the only reason I got into yr 11 classes is bc I was the first one to finish a program called "mathpathways" - and that was only cuz I grinded. My English ability isn't that much better than everyone else and my French skills are only sorta good cuz I actually remembered the stuff I learnt in junior school. I genuinely really believe I didn't and don't deserve this extra like extension and I'm just average so I really don"t know.
And man I'm terrified of the winter break ending. I've just been gaming the whole two weeks and my health is terrible. This one night I vomited and passed out several times and had an onslaught of diarrhoea which sucked. It's cuz like I didn't have enough vit d and water. But like I also can't bring myself to care about my health really bc I look better paler anyways. I've also confirmed the only people I can comfortably talk to are my online friends, randos in my cs/val games and my brother and mom which I barely talk to anyways. Last semester I had no friends and it sucked - I sat alone and it felt terrible. But not bc I want someone to sit with me - bc it's like embarrassing bc you can feel other ppl judge you for being alone. I these days have little to no desire in wanting to participate in social interaction ; like I turn down every invitation and avoid family as much as possible. But when the break ends I'm going to have to talk to people and I have no idea how and I'm absolutely terrified.
My brain is a mess and I don't know what I'm going to do. The recent conversations with like a school expert guy idk what his job is called has lifted my spirits and given me hope, so I hope that the end of the break doesn't lead to like things crushing it. Bc I have things I wanna achieve, but there's a part of me just saying - give up, just game until you can't and kill yourself. But for now, though I'm terrified and in doubt and my health is terrible and self - esteem; I still have hope and I really hope the next term is for the better of things.
And man I'm terrified of the winter break ending. I've just been gaming the whole two weeks and my health is terrible. This one night I vomited and passed out several times and had an onslaught of diarrhoea which sucked. It's cuz like I didn't have enough vit d and water. But like I also can't bring myself to care about my health really bc I look better paler anyways. I've also confirmed the only people I can comfortably talk to are my online friends, randos in my cs/val games and my brother and mom which I barely talk to anyways. Last semester I had no friends and it sucked - I sat alone and it felt terrible. But not bc I want someone to sit with me - bc it's like embarrassing bc you can feel other ppl judge you for being alone. I these days have little to no desire in wanting to participate in social interaction ; like I turn down every invitation and avoid family as much as possible. But when the break ends I'm going to have to talk to people and I have no idea how and I'm absolutely terrified.
My brain is a mess and I don't know what I'm going to do. The recent conversations with like a school expert guy idk what his job is called has lifted my spirits and given me hope, so I hope that the end of the break doesn't lead to like things crushing it. Bc I have things I wanna achieve, but there's a part of me just saying - give up, just game until you can't and kill yourself. But for now, though I'm terrified and in doubt and my health is terrible and self - esteem; I still have hope and I really hope the next term is for the better of things.
