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thislife77

Member
Oct 9, 2023
26
I have the strangest and most hellish condition happening to me. I cannot describe it, but it feels like I am detached from my body, the world and my 5 senses. I feel distant from everything and cut off in a way. I really think it was because I fell and hit my head on concrete when I was a child. I feel so abnormal and it is not a mental delusion or something like that. I have played contact sports my whole life, so I always got knocked around and stuff like that. I have had several brain scans and they all look normal which is so bothersome. I literally want to know what is wrong with my brain. I either traumatized it through physical injury or I was just born with an unfortunately messed up head. The thoughts and fear are definitely a huge form of suffering for me, but this brain thing is by far the worst and the root cause of the suffering. It is a 24/7 experience. It doesn't come and go like thoughts or emotions do. It is truly hell and I wish to be at peace. I cannot live a life with this sort of suffering. I cannot explain it in words and there is no medical evidence of anything.. That truly scares me! I have been searching for an answer for years. I cannot believe I thought medication, meditating and other lifestyle changes and mindset rewiring would help me. Those things are great for a general sense of well-being, but do not affect this brain dilemma in any way whatsoever. I wish it was just as simple as meditation or going to therapy and "healing my inner child"... Yikes. I feel so helpless.

Has anyone ever heard of anyone going through something similar? and believe me, I looked into depersonalization/derealization and stuff like that. It is not that.
 
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FuneralGrey

Member
Oct 12, 2022
85
That sounds difficult to deal with and so frustrating to not be able to find answers. Unfortunately the science of understanding multiple traumatic brain injuries is not as advanced as it should be – I know there's sometimes microscopic evidence of important brain changes during an autopsy in people with CTE, I don't know if that would show up on a brain scan.

I'm curious why you say it's not depersonalization/derealization. Would you be willing to share more about that?
 

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