Venting Identity death

[struggles_inc]

If someone noticed me on this website long enough, they might have known about me making progress in recovery. It's been 7 months of recovery, almost stable. But there's something… going on.

I think I might have died as a person. That sounds kinda funny, but I haven't felt a lingering feeling for a very long while. I don't want to die anymore, and life is alright, yet I don't feel much anymore at all. I'm not sad. I'm bored, mostly, but a little frustrated, too.

Everything feels surface-level. I stopped interacting with people beyond small talk or professional conversations. Sometimes I just make ChatGPT answer for me because… well, I don't give a damn anymore.

And it's not like I actively want to die. I don't. I'm not suffering. And yet, even my phobias don't get to me as much, as if I am braindead and just don't register it anymore. I don't want to die, but if I car came at me, I might not bother wasting energy to move.

What… the actual fuck is it?

 

[Leonszabs]

I think I may understand what you're talking about. I somewhat feel the same way, I don't feel suicidal, but yet I feel empty. Like sure I will get happy at times and whatnot, but internally, I am just an empty shell. I believe as your recovery goes on, you'll get better. Life is strange, but I am hoping that you can become a better version of yourself. I am sending you my love.

 

[Nightfoot]

It sounds like it may be existential in nature. Did you feel the same way before your recovery? I hope your recovery continues and the malaise you described improves.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I can remember having a "good" week after following the distractions I had been given. The darkness was, and is like a pool. It's hard to forget. Especially when it was blocked for years, and then out of nowhere bubbled back up, and I had to relive most of it. Like being in a time warp. I just walked 8 years into the future! Sorry to rant in your topic.