Ideation

[fluorescentpearl]

I'll go to the city, get on a bus, I'll probably feel empty and anxious, I always do when I'm out without him, I'll get to the building I need
Go up the stairs, or elevator, up to the fifteenth floor, I'll feel the wind on my skin, I'll look at the sky one last time.. I'll take off my shoes, since they can be resold I wouldn't wanna ruin them with a suicide
I'll leave them on the roof, under them a note, in the note I'll thank my mother for the life she gave me, I'll tell her she was the best thing to ever happen to me, that I'll be at peace now
I'll take the quietapine, I'll gulp it down with a bottle of flavored water, I'll wait a while, fantasizing about all the things that could've been had I been stronger and better, I'll call an ambulanc if I don't forget, warning them that I'm about to do this, then once the meds kick in I'll stand by the edge with my back facing the world, and let myself fall backwards, I heard when falling time slows down
If it does I'll probably feel the swishing of the wind and the cold air, maybe I'll see the sky one other last time, and close my eyes if I have time to, the impact should be instant, it shouldn't hurt too badly, it should be a quick last moment, and.. After I don't know, I assume my life ends here permanently, I'll never be loved again as I was by him, I'll end here and it'll just be calm and quiet and nothing at all..
The most selfish I've ever let myself be will be the day I end myself

 

[shibby]

mane ur really going through it, u posted this like 3 times, damn. i hope u calm down and get a clearer mind as u seem a little fuzzy and anxious. i dont think ctb is a selfish thing. love ya to death kid and again, hopefully u get less anxious and rest peacefully<3

 

[fluorescentpearl]

mane ur really going through it, u posted this like 3 times, damn. i hope u calm down and get a clearer mind as u seem a little fuzzy and anxious. i dont think ctb is a selfish thing. love ya to death kid and again, hopefully u get less anxious and rest peacefully<3

I keep wishing I could make it happen sooner, even today, but I feel like I have to wait for the 22 now that I've chosen that day, I just feel worse by the day, my only comfort is knowing I'll be dead and it feels like it's dragging out too much

 

[shibby]

try watching a new series or sleeping a lot so u wont have to think. that sounds frightening to always having to think abt the 2 days u have left, try enjoying things u like. love ya to death kid again

 

[fluorescentpearl]

try watching a new series or sleeping a lot so u wont have to think. that sounds frightening to always having to think abt the 2 days u have left, try enjoying things u like. love ya to death kid again

Thank you, I can't sleep cus of the anxiety given by losing Him, but I've been trying to binge watch the Simpsons and not focus on my life at all.. Thank you for talking to me, you're one of the last people I'll ever speak to

 

[shibby]

ur welcome man. glad i could be of what some use to people. keep finding things u enjoy and I'll miss ya!!