I'd rather die than study

[BojackH]

I was a really bright student as a child. Everyone had high expectations from me and thought I'd be a doctor.
When I turned sixteen, my life came crashing down. I fell into severe depression and developed anxiety disorder. I couldn't study at all and during exam time I would cry all day. It was all blamed on me. I would hear things like "You just waste time" or "Why don't you study?". 3 years passed and I was still in the same condition. All my peers went ahead in life and I got stuck.
When I turned 20,I decided to seek treatment. The medicines worked well but after a certain point the effect was gone. My doctor prescribed different medicines over the course of time but it didn't work. So I stopped taking meds. I'm 22 right now, my exams are in a few days and I just don't want to study. All I want is a peaceful death.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really tiring what you are going through and to me it's certainly understandable just wishing to be free from all the suffering, it's dreadful how other people are so insensitive and won't even try to understand. But anyway best wishes.

 

[meowmeowkitty]

initially i read this as, "i'd rather die than get sturdy"

 

[Daxter_87]

As a dropout, I understand you. Personally, I find studying and working to be utterly weary, out worn chores, and it's beyond me how most people can put up with any of it without going mad. If I had to endure such a monotonous routine 5 days per week, 8 hours per day, I'd surely prefer to CTB. In fact, I'm going to do it, specifically when my parents pass away, as otherwise I'd have to get a job, which is a BIG NO-NO for me.

In your case, however, it seems that you want to, but your psychological conditions are preventing you from doing so, for which I'm so sorry. I know first-hand how one's own brain, a supposedly useful tool, can turn into one's worst enemy. I wish I could offer some advice, but I'm an absolute and unfixable mess myself. Therefore, for me to give you tips would be no different to a beggar telling another person how to get rich - no offence to beggars, please, it's just a comparison to get my point across.