I’d prefer to be murdered. Any tips?

[Ruru-san]

Honestly I don't think I'd be able the ctb myself. It's highly improbable for me and my character if I'm being honest. However I'd definitely love to get murdered.

It's genuinely something I think about everyday like I DO NOT want to end up dying of old age because that just sucks. I'd rather die young yk? Go out in a blazing glory type thing. I walk in dangerous alleyways at night , I walk through forests in the dark, I walk everywhere just praying one day I'm tried. Of course I'm going to fight back though because if I can overpower you, then you don't deserve to kill me. I wouldn't want my family knowing I got killed by some bum or something ahaha.

I don't know what this makes me, I definitely do want to die but I guess in a different way than normal. Its pretty odd I know sorry.

Any tips to increase my chances?

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Yell racial slurs in a particularly diverse part of the city whilst dressed in a mid century german style. I assume you'd get stab/shot fairly quickly that way.

 

[Kurwenal]

No doubt you've already pondered this, but just in case: if someone tries to murder you, they won't be interested in reducing your suffering. I don't know your personal situation, so I am limited to personal experience, but I seek a death that doesn't add to the suffering I already experience. Someone on the street who shoots you or stabs you or does whatever to you won't have the slightest interest in making your final moments peaceful. If this is something you have already come to terms with, I'm sorry for this pointless comment.

I guess it would be worth noting that if you are not killed instantly, there is the possibility of passersby intervening and of you ending up in hospital, rather than dead.

I'm sorry you're at a point where you want to die. I can't claim to understand you as a person. But I can only say that I don't think it would be a way that I would want to die. I'm sorry if this is all useless to you.

 

[Ruru-san]

Yell racial slurs in a particularly diverse part of the city whilst dressed in a mid century german style. I assume you'd get stab/shot fairly quickly that way.

Yeah I'm pretty sure that would work buuuut I definitely want to go out as the "victim" because I definitely want my family to keep the good image of me they already have ahaha

No doubt you've already pondered this, but just in case: if someone tries to murder you, they won't be interested in reducing your suffering. I don't know your personal situation, so I am limited to personal experience, but I seek a death that doesn't add to the suffering I already experience. Someone on the street who shoots you or stabs you or does whatever to you won't have the slightest interest in making your final moments peaceful. If this is something you have already come to terms with, I'm sorry for this pointless comment.

I guess it would be worth noting that if you are not killed instantly, there is the possibility of passersby intervening and of you ending up in hospital, rather than dead.

I'm sorry you're at a point where you want to die. I can't claim to understand you as a person. But I can only say that I don't think it would be a way that I would want to die. I'm sorry if this is all useless to you.

Nonono this isn't useless at all, this is so thoughtful of you and I can see how much you actually care about helping so please this is all not useless.

Honestly I've kinda made my peace with the fact it's most probably going to be a painful way to go out but Its kind of the trade off yk? I can't do it myself so the price I gotta pay is the pain of it.
As for the passer by situation, yeah that's definitely an issue but I'm just hoping for the worst I guess ahaha.

Please I just wanted to say though, your comment wasn't pointless at all because it definitely brought up some things I should think about and I want to thank you for that. These are definitely things I should think about if I was to go out this way. Thank you so much.

 

[Kurwenal]

Nonono this isn't useless at all, this is so thoughtful of you and I can see how much you actually care about helping so please this is all not useless.

Honestly I've kinda made my peace with the fact it's most probably going to be a painful way to go out but Its kind of the trade off yk? I can't do it myself so the price I gotta pay is the pain of it.
As for the passer by situation, yeah that's definitely an issue but I'm just hoping for the worst I guess ahaha.

Please I just wanted to say though, your comment wasn't pointless at all because it definitely brought up some things I should think about and I want to thank you for that. These are definitely things I should think about if I was to go out this way. Thank you so much.

Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry to know you've come to a point where you feel this is your only option. If you have come to peace with it, though, I can only hope you find what you need to find your rest, in life or in death. It's inexplicably horrible to be so trapped: wanting to die, but feeling unable to cause it by your own hand. I can understand fully that you want, need, an escape. I hope that whatever happens for you, you may be at peace.

 

[Ruru-san]

Wow, the way you write really is so beautiful I must say. Puts me at peace just reading it.

Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry to know you've come to a point where you feel this is your only option. If you have come to peace with it, though, I can only hope you find what you need to find your rest, in life or in death. It's inexplicably horrible to be so trapped: wanting to die, but feeling unable to cause it by your own hand. I can understand fully that you want, need, an escape. I hope that whatever happens for you, you may be at peace.

 

[TBONTB]

This seems very difficult to accomplish.

 

[Ruru-san]

This seems very difficult to accomplish.

Definitely. You could say I'm just keeping it on my bucket list for now.

 

[kopebaldy]

Reach for the officer's gun.

 

[monetpompo]

my post may interest you:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...walk-around-looking-clueless-at-night.217898/ (it's the full link since it's in private discussion)

i also think about getting murdered, mostly because i'm small and defenseless, so it would be easy for someone to target me if i was walking alone in the middle of the night. i used to spend way more nights walking around in my neighborhood, but now i don't go out as much because i find it tiring to leave my house. sometimes i just think about how many times i've wished for it happen. i never carry around pepper spray when i go out.

 

[cherrypitlover03]

Ikr i'd love to just be shot in the head by a random person . Like Luigi

 

[Kurwenal]

my post may interest you:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...walk-around-looking-clueless-at-night.217898/ (it's the full link since it's in private discussion)

i also think about getting murdered, mostly because i'm small and defenseless, so it would be easy for someone to target me if i was walking alone in the middle of the night. i used to spend way more nights walking around in my neighborhood, but now i don't go out as much because i find it tiring to leave my house. sometimes i just think about how many times i've wished for it happen. i never carry around pepper spray when i go out.

In addition to what I expressed above, seeing your statement that you are "small and defenceless", I would only urge you to consider the inexplicably horrible, but also very real possibility, of not being murdered, but rather of being sexually assaulted. I really can't urge reconsidering enough. I don't mean to cause undue distress to anyone by bringing up this possibility, but I think it is very, very important to inform anyone reading this thread that murder is not the only potential outcome from wandering the streets at night, antagonizing others. Please don't make the sorrows that led you to this site even greater through a hope that someone may kill you for you.

 

[monetpompo]

but rather of being sexually assaulted.

thank you for your well meaning statement hombre. i have been sexually assaulted before, it led me here. a part of me figures that if someone is willing to do that then they can also see murdering me as an option. i got a lot of backlash in my original post venting about how i'd like to be killed, but i think that they were misinterpreting the real reason for my post. i mostly just want to talk to other people that relate to the way i feel, since i can't discuss it anywhere else. no one really should walk around at night, but the intrusive thoughts about it never really go away even if i avoid the urge. this user is specifically asking for tips, but no one has any for obvious reasons.

i think this specific death fantasy comes from things we're told as young kids, that walking around at night is dangerous and someone in the shadows could come up to you and kill you. in the real world, you're more likely to get ignored, stalked, or raped. murder is a crime that's very hard to get away with compared to assault, so more people are willing to do that. my mom has always talked about how guys would murder me if i went out at night, or went out by myself at all. it's disappointing to come with the terms that you can walk aimlessly at night for months and still be alive, when you were told that there were dangerous people walking around.

 

[Kurwenal]

thank you for your well meaning statement hombre. i have been sexually assaulted before, it led me here. a part of me figures that if someone is willing to do that then they can also see murdering me as an option. i got a lot of backlash in my original post venting about how i'd like to be killed, but i think that they were misinterpreting the real reason for the post. i mostly just want to talk to other people that relate to the way i feel, since i can't discuss it anywhere else. no one really should walk around at night, but the intrusive thoughts about it never really go away even if i avoid the urge.

i think this specific death fantasy comes from things we're told as young kids, that walking around at night is dangerous and someone in the shadows could come up to you and kill you. in the real world, you're more likely to get ignored, stalked, or raped. murder is a crime that's very hard to get away with compared to assault, so more people are willing to do that. my mom has always talked about how guys would murder me if i went out at night, or went out by myself at all. it's disappointing to come with the terms that you can walk aimlessly at night for months and still be alive.

I'm deeply sorry for the horrors caused to you and that these were what brought you to this forum. I was very hesitant about posting my comment, as I don't know what anyone who might have read the comments has experienced in their own lives, and I had zero intention of triggering any traumatic memories for any reader. I weighed it up and chose to give the warning. If my comment upset you in any way, I cannot express my apology well enough. I remain sorry for your suffering.

I went back and read your thread that you had linked to make an effort to understand your experience. I'm sorry you feel so little worth within yourself. I know I can't say anything to improve your life. I can understand the reason why the thread was closed, to avoid causing harm to others who may have been influenced by it. But I also acknowledge and respect your need to have your voice heard, and I am hopeful that you may find a way to connect with others who may too have these intrusive thoughts so you can at least express yourself safely and feel heard. I don't wish a horrible and painful death to anyone, least of all those of this forum who have had life and their 'fellow' humans against them. But I hear your pain and I hope that whatever may come in your future, that you can find a peace within yourself and not suffer, however that may come to be.

 

[Ruru-san]

my post may interest you:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...walk-around-looking-clueless-at-night.217898/ (it's the full link since it's in private discussion)

i also think about getting murdered, mostly because i'm small and defenseless, so it would be easy for someone to target me if i was walking alone in the middle of the night. i used to spend way more nights walking around in my neighborhood, but now i don't go out as much because i find it tiring to leave my house. sometimes i just think about how many times i've wished for it happen. i never carry around pepper spray when i go out.

Wow yeah reading your post , you really do get what I mean. I'm starting to find it less and less easy to even leave my house too because I can hardly even find the motivation. It's all just so depressing and I wish there was someone who could just get the job done for me but it's proving more difficult than we were made to believe.

 

[58Alice85]

hitmans are rare but they do exist
it was on the news in my country one got life in prison he mostly killed people for other criminals like drug dealers
i have no idea how you would find a person like that though, i also think they are expensive