I would be glad to never know what friendship is.
I've never had friends. And those "friends" that I had at school were not them as such. they were friends with me because of money, console, or PC (russia is a poor country).
After finishing school I didn't have friends for 11 years. No friends, no acquaintances. No one.
However, for about 7 years I dreamed and prepared that I would move to the USA, where I will finally have friends from the social group that is most important to me (transwomans).
When there was a turning point in my life, one girl asked to be my friend. At that time, I didn't yet know that she was MtF, but even then her kind words moved me to tears. I soon found out.
No one had ever communicated with me so well and warmly before. Several months have passed. And I have never seen the same meanness, cruelty, lies from anyone except her and the monster with which they tormented me. Also, during those ~three years I met another 4 MtF.
two of whom became my friends, and another one became my best friend. they were aware of my situation, and besides, they knew that monster. they betrayed me. this is the worst. Even the betrayal of my own mother did not cause me as much pain as "my" "ex" and my "best friend".
All these long years of preparation for meeting our own turned out to be more than nothing. they took everything from me. Not only the future, but also the past, the image of the beloved. they mutilated my soul. they destroyed everything that was dear to me.
I would be glad not to know what "friendship" and "love" are. You can live alone. But not with that kind of knowledge.
I've never had friends. And those "friends" that I had at school were not them as such. they were friends with me because of money, console, or PC (russia is a poor country).
After finishing school I didn't have friends for 11 years. No friends, no acquaintances. No one.
However, for about 7 years I dreamed and prepared that I would move to the USA, where I will finally have friends from the social group that is most important to me (transwomans).
When there was a turning point in my life, one girl asked to be my friend. At that time, I didn't yet know that she was MtF, but even then her kind words moved me to tears. I soon found out.
No one had ever communicated with me so well and warmly before. Several months have passed. And I have never seen the same meanness, cruelty, lies from anyone except her and the monster with which they tormented me. Also, during those ~three years I met another 4 MtF.
two of whom became my friends, and another one became my best friend. they were aware of my situation, and besides, they knew that monster. they betrayed me. this is the worst. Even the betrayal of my own mother did not cause me as much pain as "my" "ex" and my "best friend".
All these long years of preparation for meeting our own turned out to be more than nothing. they took everything from me. Not only the future, but also the past, the image of the beloved. they mutilated my soul. they destroyed everything that was dear to me.
I would be glad not to know what "friendship" and "love" are. You can live alone. But not with that kind of knowledge.
