I would accept castration just to know there is a girl out there who genuinely desires me

[NaturalBornNEET]

I don't even need the physical touch. Just to know someone actually fucking desires me is all I would need, I would accept rats gnawing off my dick and balls right then and there if I could just know that one thing, I would sacrifice every good memory I've ever had just for that. I don't need suicide that won't do ANYTHING and I'm coping to think it ever could, not being desired is death, only through being desired by others can you be alive.

It's miserable not being able to believe in my own bullshit so thoroughly like the average person seems to be able to, maybe if I could delude myself into believing my own arbitrary ass-pulls about whatever the fuck I could actually commit to something. Whatever. Nothing is gonna change as long as I'm me cuz biology is a fascist control freak and won't ever allow its prisoners to experience anything too distanced from the lot it drew at birth. Individual free will is a childish notion, entropy is law, all meanings are just arbitrary self-serving nothings. Whatever, just fucking whatever.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

They used to desire me sometimes I think being /foreveralone/ is better than having relative normalcy and losing it. Life is hard, man. It takes discipline. One day you can just "let yourself go."

 

[BrainSplatter]

Ok so from my perspective you're both wrong. You're both clearly desirable at least sexually. You just need to find the right person and believe me people are into all kinds of things. I've talked to other girls on nights out and they say it's the guys who don't even realise how attractive they are, that are the most appealing. It's because you don't have that big ego blocking everything and there's something genuine about guys like that. Some girls even find that "sad, shy, slightly depressed guy" vibe cute almost like an accessory or something to take care of yk so maybe it's not always in a romantic way at first but that part can definitely grow with time

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Yeah but then you'd become basically the ''I have no dick and i must fuck'' version of AM, which.... kinda is just AM actually, nvm.

 

[martyrdom]

The truth is that it's not people's biology or appearance that makes them unappealing (ie. something "fated" and unchangeable, outside of your control that you can freely blame and view as an unfair injustice you didn't choose), but personality, beliefs and behavior (something people can control and change that is their responsibility, which is much harder to accept). Women can always tell when all a man is interested in is sex and emotional labor. It's also deeply unhealthy (and hurtful to others) to use other people to self-actualize (ie. "I don't exist if I'm not desired").

 

[NaturalBornNEET]

It's also deeply unhealthy (and hurtful to others) to use other people to self-actualize (ie. "I don't exist if I'm not desired").

How can I even get rid of this omnipresent dependence on other people's approval? I've had it all my life, most of my thoughts and all of my goal-directed impulses are related to other humans and how I can connect with them in a way that makes me feel valued. Any value system or meaning I try to invent in my head to use as a guiding light always ends up revolving around other humans as the gods I have to prove my worth to. Genuinely how do I stop this, How do I completely 180 the very kernel that defines my existence as my existence, one that is completely obsessed with other people?

The truth is that it's not people's biology or appearance that makes them unappealing (ie. something "fated" and unchangeable, outside of your control that you can freely blame and view as an unfair injustice you didn't choose), but personality, beliefs and behavior (something people can control and change that is their responsibility, which is much harder to accept).

I'm not coming at this from an incel blackpill perspective btw, if that's what you're thinking. All my issues are mental, and a lot of it is caused by brain damage but a lot can be improved through practice, even so I don't have the will to try. I can't even bring myself to write up any more excuses or defenses without wanting to gag. I'm just confused, completely confused on how anything works or what I should do.

Yeah but then you'd become basically the ''I have no dick and i must fuck'' version of AM, which.... kinda is just AM actually, nvm.

I have no rizz and I must fuck