Venting I worried that I'm traumatizing my mom

[neverwashere]

I feel awful. I'm genuinely at my lowest right now. Its to the point where I'm practically nonverbal when I'm out in public and when I get home, all I can do is rot in bed and hope I die. My mom told me that I'm like a living corpse. She's worried about me, but I don't want her to be. I feel so guilty for being this way, but I don't know what to do. My older brother is having medical issues right now, so my mom is understandably super upset, and I'm just making it worse. I don't do anything around the house, which I feel awful for but I genuinely don't have the energy to get up and even clean my own room. I'm so tired of being this way, I just want it all to end.

 

[Vesiira]

Oh gosh, I don't think I've related to anything more. I'm also quite literally rotting in my bed. My mom is going through a lot, while I'm quite also disappearing in front of her eyes. I always feel like a burden too, I rarely share my problems since my older brother has it "worse" than me. I had a breakdown a few weeks ago and she cried asking why I beat myself up so much. Asking if the life she gave me was so bad. It wasn't. It is just so much hurt from the world and others and our brains. We just can't handle all this hurt. The lack of motivation. No energy. It's awful. Sending love.

 

[figurehead]

I feel awful. I'm genuinely at my lowest right now. Its to the point where I'm practically nonverbal when I'm out in public and when I get home, all I can do is rot in bed and hope I die. My mom told me that I'm like a living corpse. She's worried about me, but I don't want her to be. I feel so guilty for being this way, but I don't know what to do. My older brother is having medical issues right now, so my mom is understandably super upset, and I'm just making it worse. I don't do anything around the house, which I feel awful for but I genuinely don't have the energy to get up and even clean my own room. I'm so tired of being this way, I just want it all to end.

I think that unfortunately we can't stop loved ones not to worry or control guilt. I've always had a stable loving home. As a child/teen I lived with my granny and the only time I ever so her crying and despairing was when I said I wanted to CTB. At the same time I've learned (or it just happened, I dunno) to feel numb most of the time. Today I'm married and got a daughter and, once again, I feel terrible for wanting to die, because I know they're doing the utmost to keep me safe here, I'm not saying that voluntary death is a selfish act, far from it. I just think that it's not possible to control the misery you might cause others.