Venting I won't even know if I CTB

[loyalskateboard]

It's so frustrating. Maybe I'm worrying over nothing since I won't exist but it rubs me the wrong way. I've desired death for so long and once I receive it I won't even know. It's just going to be a realisation that I'm dying, but that's not the same as knowing I'm dead.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

That's why death doesn't constitute true relief. If you want to actually experience what it is like for your pain to abate you have to do it in life.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah- that's the great paradox isn't it? It's kind of funny we say 'rest in peace'. It's more like- 'be absent and oblivious'.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Yes, I find it very weird to think of this.
It's like we are going to be cheated out of something we have been waiting for, for so long now, for that sweet feeling of release from suffering.
Even in death life kicks us in the teeth.

 

[neveragreedtothis]

Yeah it sucks because once you lose consciousness, you don't really know if you're dead-dead or just gonna end up in a hospital bed.

 

[FuneralCry]

The fact that everything will finally be forgotten about and that I will be completely unaware is exactly why I see non-existence as being the only relief, the reality is that we are destined for nowhere but to cease existing, everything will finally be lost to death someday, to die is the most normal thing after all.

 

[PrisonBreak]

Me too. I want to feel a sense of relief that I have succeeded, and that I will no longer suffer. To be conscious for that brief moment, to smile and say "I did it".

 

[Worndown]

It depends on your method. SN will give you a little time where you know you did it. Past that point of no return.
Jumping...you have the trip. Probably do not want to know the landing.
Hanging...when just hanging there free of any other support, you have a few seconds to know you did it before you pass out.
Humans pass before they die with most methods. Overall, that is a good thing.