I wish my existence could be erased

[FuneralCry]

Of course, I never should have been born in the first place, my existence is a mistake. I do not want to go through any dying process, to me dying sounds unpleasant, all I want is to be erased. To disappear and for nobody to remember me. I want people to go on with their lives as if I never existed. I wish it was that easy.

I wish I left this world years ago. It would have prevented a lot of suffering. Things just got worse over the years. Last year seemed like the right time, but of course, I am still here. It is painful to think about the past. Memories can haunt us for a lifetime, we can never forget. It is just as painful to think about the future. There is no peace, not in this life. My existence is just so empty, I have already died.

All that is ahead for me is just stress and dread. Everything irritates me. Every day is just the same. I just do things to pass the time which is what I am doing now by writing this. I just lack the will to live. I think I realised it was hopeless when I came to the conclusion that nothing will make me want to live. No matter what happens. I see other people moving on with their lives and having things to look forward too. It just makes me feel empty. I live in a different world to those people. I do not want any life. I want absolutely nothing to do with life and I do not want to participate in it. I hate how that is viewed as wrong and irrational. I just want to sleep.

 

[LivvenDe]

Ohhh how I wish I would simply disappear, never have existed, vanish

 

[Snake of Eden]

I share all what you said word by word. Existence is really painful and there is no remedy for it. I hope if i dont ctb soon that i just drop dead somehow. I keep praying for that and it is the only thing i truly wish for

 

[BeautifulMosaics]

I completely get you having no future goals and not understanding the world around you. Feeling like an alien.. Not wanting "any life"; loads of people have felt I'm sure, it's just a certain sentiment is the loudest and most dominant I'm realising. You're not alone

 

[Chisel]

Completely relate to your words. Feels as though some of us are just not cut out for this kind of existence.
I too feel exactly how you do.
Spend all my time awake just going through the motions to keep people off my back, but all the time feeling like what's the point.
Cannot wait to get my time to CTB finally stop this pointless endless cycle of misery.

 

[GreenTree]

Feel the same. Every second is hell. I know leaving this world is the right thing to do. It's just so hard to do.

 

[Starryeyes]

Me too OP :(

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I absolutely agree with you, dear @FuneralCry. I pray for the day I'm strong enough……. One day, we'll be finally free….

 

[Phosphophyllite]

I wish I was never born in the first place. I feel your pain.

 

[suisuiforum]

I also can't stand the fact that I was born. It means that we have to contend with death and the SI leading up to it, when it would've been easier if we simply never existed. I wish you didn't have to suffer like this.

 

[ihatemylife]

Of course, I never should have been born in the first place, my existence is a mistake. I do not want to go through any dying process, to me dying sounds unpleasant, all I want is to be erased. To disappear and for nobody to remember me. I want people to go on with their lives as if I never existed. I wish it was that easy.

I wish I left this world years ago. It would have prevented a lot of suffering. Things just got worse over the years. Last year seemed like the right time, but of course, I am still here. It is painful to think about the past. Memories can haunt us for a lifetime, we can never forget. It is just as painful to think about the future. There is no peace, not in this life. My existence is just so empty, I have already died.

All that is ahead for me is just stress and dread. Everything irritates me. Every day is just the same. I just do things to pass the time which is what I am doing now by writing this. I just lack the will to live. I think I realised it was hopeless when I came to the conclusion that nothing will make me want to live. No matter what happens. I see other people moving on with their lives and having things to look forward too. It just makes me feel empty. I live in a different world to those people. I do not want any life. I want absolutely nothing to do with life and I do not want to participate in it. I hate how that is viewed as wrong and irrational. I just want to sleep.

Perfectly said. We have been forced to endure the horror of human existence.

 

[yive]

same for me, life is a terrible thing. we are ruthlessly forced to be slaves to the system. psychopathy and cruelty everywhere

 

[Party__3nd5]

I completely agree with u, we all want to disappear but death is different, it is something much less relaxing in some way, but at the same time it is the maximum relaxation that is possible to achieve.

 

[chocolatebar]

I think the same way. I don't want to suffer and in order to die, seems like we have to suffer. This really makes things difficult.

You said that you live just distracting yourself and letting time pass, but, if you think about it, isn't it what all living beings do? What else is there for us?

 

[Snake of Eden]

You said that you live just distracting yourself and letting time pass, but, if you think about it, isn't it what all living beings do? What else is there for us?

It is not the same when some is passing time with nothing to look forward to other than not exist anymore. It is utterly misrable way to live compared to people who are normal and do things to enjoy themselves and have things to look forward to