This is the main issue with CBT : it's one of the hardest thing to accomplish and it's getting harder and harder as the means to do so are being drastically taking away from us.
And planning and facing your death on your own is already a tragically hard thing to do in itself...
Before lurking around here, I never encompass how hard it was. Not only getting the resources for you method of choice, nor the mental strength to kill your own self. But simply that there is no easy way out contrary to what fictions and ordinary people show and believe : no (more?) peaceful pill...
Wish you nothing but the best. I'm sure many can relate to what you're saying.
I also very much wish that it's more straightforward to cease existing on our own terms, it's horrible how it's so unnecessarily difficult to die, it'd be a relief to just have the option to sleep eternally in peace. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.
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