Venting I wish I'd enjoy being alive

[HappySisyphus]

I really wish I could, but I am just not able to, I feel if I didn't have depression I would love being alive, I don't think there could be something external that would really make me want to stop living, I have a lot of problems but I truly believe I would be fine despite everything, I don't even know how I would fix them, but I think I would be resilient enough to keep going and that I would be alright, the struggle itself is enough to fill a man's hearth after all.
But sadly for me, things are not like that, and it's not even my fault, it is just my brain being chemically off, and I had nothing to do with that, yet I must still suffer the consequences, I am forced to just keep living like this until I decide to end it all and I just hate that, and I also really hate that I hate being alive.

 

[eternal.peace]

I can relate, and I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It's a really rough, terrible, dark place to be. I'm not sure if you can relate, but it almost feels like my brain is broken sometimes. Like why can I not experience joy or a zest for life that seems to come so easily for others? It's so difficult to continue to exist in a place of suffering like this.