I wish i would've died as a kid

[here_for_now]

After i got molested first at 6 would've been the best time to die. My family resents me for using drugs in the past but that was the only thing i could feel better with.

i blame myself only for my future now, been applying to jobs but i have a feeling that wont work out too.

I've been trying to stay away from opiates but i realized why i fell in love with it, because of the void in me.

i burnt all my bridges no one in my family wants to deal with me im just alone and i don't blame them , who wants to associate with a socially awkward loser.

i'm an untrustworthy person, and i have a lot of guilt and regret and shame

 

[User111885]

Are y

After i got molested first at 6 would've been the best time to die. My family resents me for using drugs in the past but that was the only thing i could feel better with.

i blame myself only for my future now, been applying to jobs but i have a feeling that wont work out too.

I've been trying to stay away from opiates but i realized why i fell in love with it, because of the void in me.

i burnt all my bridges no one in my family wants to deal with me im just alone and i don't blame them , who wants to associate with a socially awkward loser.

i'm an untrustworthy person, and i have a lot of guilt and regret and shame.

Are you going to NA or AA? It could help with the regret and shame if you can deal with the higher power religious aspect of it. There's also Smart Recovery if you don't like religion. I would suggest using a privacy browser to access any of those sites to protect your privacy. Smart Recovery is coded in a way that's not that private. NA also had poor coding. AA is questionable. A privacy browser offers some protection (ie Tor Browser) if you use them.

 

[here_for_now]

Are y

Are you going to NA or AA? It could help with the regret and shame if you can deal with the higher power religious aspect of it. There's also Smart Recovery if you don't like religion. I would suggest using a privacy browser to access any of those sites to protect your privacy. Smart Recovery is coded in a way that's not that private. NA also had poor coding. AA is questionable. A privacy browser offers some protection (ie Tor Browser) if you use them.

No, i just want to ctb at this point. all of my family wants to avoid me so im totally alone. i just need to ctb as soon as possible
i've been having heart issues so i hope it'll get worse and i'll die in my sleep

 

[User111885]

No, i just want to ctb at this point. all of my family wants to avoid me so im totally alone. i just need to ctb as soon as possible
i've been having heart issues so i hope it'll get worse and i'll die in my sleep

Sorry things have been so hard.