Venting i wish i was terminally/chronically ill

[encore]

(please don't take this post as me trying to romanticize disability or chronic illness! this is simply my feelings and a vent that has nothing to do with how complex these things are in reality).

i hate pain, but today my friend told me about the girl he knows who has a chronic medical condition that makes her suffer daily. the way he talked about her and how he said her "mood swings" were justified by it made me feel so, so jealous.

i wish i had this kind of illness. i wish people could see the scars or burns on my skin, or see me agonizing in pain and feel like my suffering is finally justified and valid. that it's really that serious. they know i'm suicidal, but i don't really talk much about it because i understand it gets annoying when my life is just fine and my physical symptoms are few… maybe if my disorder was more "outwardly", they would show more care and sympathy for me.

that's the only time my own parents took me seriously anyway. only when they could see the physical impact or when another adult told them i was in pain

 

[DivineSpark]

Lots of illnesses makes you suffer like hell. I wish I would die in my sleep with no pain or struggle.

 

[ylenol]

average self harm pipeline

 

[Crematoryy]

You don't want a chronic illness to die early, but to be accepted as someone in a state of "extreme suffering." The reason this hasn't happened is because no one accesses your mind directly, and doesn't know what you feel. Your pain is real, as real as having both your arms amputated.

 

[divinemistress36]

I wish I was terminally ill cause then I could get Euthansia

 

[NonEssential]

At least for them it's very easy to explain their pain. I don't think I can put into simple words as to why I feel the way I do.

 

[aiyuxhan]

I have chronic illnesses and chronic pain 24/7. It is not fun at all. And are the reasons why I'm on this site.

Please don't wish that upon yourself. :( When you're chronically ill, it's like your body is a prison and a torture chamber for the rest of your life without you dying. :/

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

As someone that's helping care for my sister with stage 4 cancer, I would absolutely not want to go through that. Invasive medical procedures, humiliating symptoms, immense pain even with meds, at the mercy of others for care, not wanting to live but still scared to die. There's a few cancers where a person only gets symptoms at a late stage before diagnosis and go's straight to hospice and dies within months. For many it's a painful process and yet SI remains strong even under those conditions preventing what you imagine would be an easy decision to ctb.