notori
Member
- Nov 26, 2023
- 40
Ive been looking into SWB since I saw it on the resources thread bc I'm looking for less messy ways to go out. I've been doing some research, it almost seems too simple. While I was looking into SWB deaths I was astonished at how many have happened in my hometown. I won't say much about it besides the fact it's on the beach and a popular tourist location, I knew drownings happened a lot but I assumed it was because people swam during double red flags or didn't know how to escape rip tides. I could easily do this and have it passed off as an accident from irresponsible drinking or drug use versus suicide….most people in my life know I'm not a strong swimmer. I could just be seen as some young adult that didn't take proper swimming precautions .
these are some of the problems I'm running into, if anyone has advice I'm desperate. I experimented with it for a little bit today and I'm trying to figure out how long i should hyperventilate before I put my head underwater. Maybe it's my SI but it felt like I was struggling and under panic a bit while I was under water when I hyperventilated for 30-60 seconds before, not getting as close to becoming unconscious as I'd like. I was also doing this in a pretty small bathtub and it felt a bit difficult to keep my head under water. Maybe I should look into some weights I could put over my neck(?) to keep my head forced down, or at least make an obstacle that will have to put in some effort to get my head back up? I think that would help me continue to go through with it at least. I'll have to try getting drunk or taking a bunch of Xanax and see if that helps with the SI, maybe if I'm tranquilized or drunk enough it'll be easier for me to stay under. Any advice or tips are very much appreciated.
im in the process of moving out of my parents right now though, into a different city. The beach wont be as easy for me to access but I know that my apartment and my college campus has a couple pools i could experiment with if it's late enough for nobody to be there. I would ideally hang myself but id rather do it somewhere discreet like a forest but those are difficult to find in the city haha, if anyone has ideas where I could hang myself discreetly (full suspension drop preferred) Any ideas are appreciated. I do own a gun but I really don't want to traumatize my roommates and family with a messy death. I would also prefer if I do hang myself for law inforcement to be the ones to cut me down rather than friends or family.
just some random backstory, a lot of people in my family have CTB, and I really don't want to traumatize them even more than they already are with what they've seen, which is why I'm trying to prevent a messy death. My last attempt was 5 years ago was a messy method and my sister who found me in a puddle of my own blood…has gone on to develop PTSD from it. I just can't seem to forgive myself for it. I'm so guilty I put her through that. my grandma CTB from OD and that traumatized my mom.….you probably get the point by now. I don't want someone I know to find me, and i don't want to hurt my family more. This is why I want to hang myself somewhere discreetly if I end up not going through with SWB.
im probably going to wait about a month to see if things in my life get better before i finally CTB, but if I start dying while messing around with a method I'm just going to let it happen. I'm starting a new university next semester studying something I love. It's a big school so hopefully I can make friends, that most if my problem with living with my parents in my hometown right now…. I seriously don't have any friends to the point my mom is bringing it up all the time how I never hang out with anyone, never make plans, never have anyone over. I have such a hard time making friends for some reason. Most of my friendships I had before I started dating my boyfriend have fallen out because most of my friends are guys and he's lowkey made me shut them out.
I haven't told my therapist or psychiatrist about my recent suicidal ideations, as far as they know I've recovered from that in the last five years. I could probably get some sort of perscription that could help me, if anyone has ideas please let me know.
these are some of the problems I'm running into, if anyone has advice I'm desperate. I experimented with it for a little bit today and I'm trying to figure out how long i should hyperventilate before I put my head underwater. Maybe it's my SI but it felt like I was struggling and under panic a bit while I was under water when I hyperventilated for 30-60 seconds before, not getting as close to becoming unconscious as I'd like. I was also doing this in a pretty small bathtub and it felt a bit difficult to keep my head under water. Maybe I should look into some weights I could put over my neck(?) to keep my head forced down, or at least make an obstacle that will have to put in some effort to get my head back up? I think that would help me continue to go through with it at least. I'll have to try getting drunk or taking a bunch of Xanax and see if that helps with the SI, maybe if I'm tranquilized or drunk enough it'll be easier for me to stay under. Any advice or tips are very much appreciated.
im in the process of moving out of my parents right now though, into a different city. The beach wont be as easy for me to access but I know that my apartment and my college campus has a couple pools i could experiment with if it's late enough for nobody to be there. I would ideally hang myself but id rather do it somewhere discreet like a forest but those are difficult to find in the city haha, if anyone has ideas where I could hang myself discreetly (full suspension drop preferred) Any ideas are appreciated. I do own a gun but I really don't want to traumatize my roommates and family with a messy death. I would also prefer if I do hang myself for law inforcement to be the ones to cut me down rather than friends or family.
just some random backstory, a lot of people in my family have CTB, and I really don't want to traumatize them even more than they already are with what they've seen, which is why I'm trying to prevent a messy death. My last attempt was 5 years ago was a messy method and my sister who found me in a puddle of my own blood…has gone on to develop PTSD from it. I just can't seem to forgive myself for it. I'm so guilty I put her through that. my grandma CTB from OD and that traumatized my mom.….you probably get the point by now. I don't want someone I know to find me, and i don't want to hurt my family more. This is why I want to hang myself somewhere discreetly if I end up not going through with SWB.
im probably going to wait about a month to see if things in my life get better before i finally CTB, but if I start dying while messing around with a method I'm just going to let it happen. I'm starting a new university next semester studying something I love. It's a big school so hopefully I can make friends, that most if my problem with living with my parents in my hometown right now…. I seriously don't have any friends to the point my mom is bringing it up all the time how I never hang out with anyone, never make plans, never have anyone over. I have such a hard time making friends for some reason. Most of my friendships I had before I started dating my boyfriend have fallen out because most of my friends are guys and he's lowkey made me shut them out.
I haven't told my therapist or psychiatrist about my recent suicidal ideations, as far as they know I've recovered from that in the last five years. I could probably get some sort of perscription that could help me, if anyone has ideas please let me know.