Venting I wish I had a big sister

[Nightingale93]

Hi, first post here, hopefully it's not too ridiculous or self loathing, but just felt the need to get this off my mind, perhaps explore if others feel the same way?
I'm a male of course, 32 at this point. I'm very sensitive and in touch with my emotions, but due to how guys like that are perceived I tend to bottle it all up and hide it away. Definitely at a low point based on everything that's happened in my life so far.
So many times in my life, I wish I had a big sister. I have an older brother but was never really close with him much. I was bullied and made fun of a lot by him in my younger years, as if bullying in school isn't bad enough. I often think how much more positive, happy, and motivated I'd be if I had a bigger sister, someone I could talk to on a deep emotional level about anything that was bothering me. Someone I could hug and cuddle with, and all the heaviness constricting my heart would all just go away.
I've never really even been in a relationship, so maybe if I had they bigger sister I would have grew up differently, perhaps with a more extroverted personality, instead of just keeping everything inside and shutting myself out based on my past issues.
And then of course maybe today I also wouldn't feel hopeless and wanting to end it all if I had that person that I could weather the storm with.
Does anyone else feel the same I wonder?
Thanks for reading.

 

[darksouls]

my sister, who is 12 years older than me, was always mean to me, I was a very introverted child, I was bullied at school and bullied by my sister

 

[kufajoy]

Wish I had one too. I'm the eldest child.

 

[bluemoirai]

I would also like to have an older sister (I am an only child in the family). However, there is no guarantee that an older sister would be the way we imagine her to be. I once had a friend who was an older sister - she was a rather unbearable person. I was able to experience some good "sisterhood" at work, where older girls would give me advice about work and life. But It might be harder for men, actually.

 

[Chemi]

Welcome to SaSu!

First and foremost, your post doesn't come across as ridiculous or self-loathing at all. I think it's a pretty relatable feeling you shared.

I'm a woman who grew up with only older brothers, so I really understand that ache for a deeper emotional connection that just wasn't available in the family. I ended up seeking out sister-like figures through close female friends or even getting informally "adopted" by friends' families for a while. It helped fill some of the gap.

That said, from everything I've seen (both in my friendships and hearing how friends talk about their actual sisters), having a sister isn't at all a guarantee of that perfect emotional support. Especially if you're a male sibling. Many sister relationships stay friendly but surface-level, from what I observed. They coexist without diving into each other's heavier stuff most of the time. Usually, siblings avoid talking about sensitive and intimate things, no matter the gender.

Rivalry can be intense, and forms of bullying or sabotage happen more often than people admit, just in different ways than with brothers. I'd even say that bullying among sisters can be way more intense than among brothers. Knew some girls who tried their best to destroy every friendship, relationship, or achievement their sister had.

Anyway, you're searching for someone safe to open up to and also experience physical comfort? It sounds a lot more like craving a true girl best friend (or a small circle of them) than strictly a sister. Those kinds of chosen-family bonds are definitely achievable, even if you're introverted and haven't had much practice yet.

Got any passions/hobbies? Check if there are some hobby meetups, book clubs, volunteering, classes, walking groups, or self-help groups in your area. Also, if that sounds scary to do alone, shoot the club a message beforehand. Just be honest and tell them that you'd like to come visit on a certain day, and if somebody could show you around and introduce you to everyone. It's common for introverts to need a little guidance in the beginning :D If it is your thing, try tabletop clubs. They are great for meeting all kinds of people, and you don't need to talk too much in the beginning. You could also ask to show up early before more people show up. Might feel less scary that way.

Oh, and please, when you do meet women in these spaces, focus on being authentic, listening well, and sharing a little when it feels natural. Don't force jokes or conversations. It is totally okay to be shy and cautious. Guys who are emotionally open, respectful, and don't try to force-fit in are deeply appreciated. Building friendships takes time. Don't push it and just try to enjoy the time.

You're far from alone in feeling this way. Sending a virtual hug <3

 

[Nightingale93]

Welcome to SaSu!

First and foremost, your post doesn't come across as ridiculous or self-loathing at all. I think it's a pretty relatable feeling you shared.

I'm a woman who grew up with only older brothers, so I really understand that ache for a deeper emotional connection that just wasn't available in the family. I ended up seeking out sister-like figures through close female friends or even getting informally "adopted" by friends' families for a while. It helped fill some of the gap.

That said, from everything I've seen (both in my friendships and hearing how friends talk about their actual sisters), having a sister isn't at all a guarantee of that perfect emotional support. Especially if you're a male sibling. Many sister relationships stay friendly but surface-level, from what I observed. They coexist without diving into each other's heavier stuff most of the time. Usually, siblings avoid talking about sensitive and intimate things, no matter the gender.

Rivalry can be intense, and forms of bullying or sabotage happen more often than people admit, just in different ways than with brothers. I'd even say that bullying among sisters can be way more intense than among brothers. Knew some girls who tried their best to destroy every friendship, relationship, or achievement their sister had.

Anyway, you're searching for someone safe to open up to and also experience physical comfort? It sounds a lot more like craving a true girl best friend (or a small circle of them) than strictly a sister. Those kinds of chosen-family bonds are definitely achievable, even if you're introverted and haven't had much practice yet.

Got any passions/hobbies? Check if there are some hobby meetups, book clubs, volunteering, classes, walking groups, or self-help groups in your area. Also, if that sounds scary to do alone, shoot the club a message beforehand. Just be honest and tell them that you'd like to come visit on a certain day, and if somebody could show you around and introduce you to everyone. It's common for introverts to need a little guidance in the beginning :D If it is your thing, try tabletop clubs. They are great for meeting all kinds of people, and you don't need to talk too much in the beginning. You could also ask to show up early before more people show up. Might feel less scary that way.

Oh, and please, when you do meet women in these spaces, focus on being authentic, listening well, and sharing a little when it feels natural. Don't force jokes or conversations. It is totally okay to be shy and cautious. Guys who are emotionally open, respectful, and don't try to force-fit in are deeply appreciated. Building friendships takes time. Don't push it and just try to enjoy the time.

You're far from alone in feeling this way. Sending a virtual hug <3

Thank you very much for this, that means a lot.
*hug* <3

 

[TragedyWillFindUs]

Hey, as someone with an older sister 10 years apart I can tell you that gender doesn't necessarily mean something in this regard. My sister is not the person to talk to if you need a person who understands emotions. She's bitter towards people who have mental health issues and doesn't understand "the problems people have" if the reason for their sadness and pain isn't something she's familiar with.

Yet I feel your pain. I'm female and in my 30s and even I get this backlash for being too emotional. So... I don't know if it helps but you're not alone in this... Yeah... Normally hate that sentence. But I think it's maybe useful here as I tried to describe how it looks like on the other side of the coin.

If you need someone to talk to let me / us know. There are a lot of people here with so much empathy. Feel hugged <3

 

[Zaphkiel]

I have an elder sister of 4 years and we never were close
So...idk.