i wish i could erase myself from history

[mirrorman2]

i fully understand the permanence and finality of suicide. my death will result in the termination of any possible future and replace it with an infinite blank.

what bothers me however is that my death does not erase or nullify that i was here. even if that impact is just the fact that people knew of me and i had parents/family. i somewhat childishly hope that my suicide would yank me from this timeline and erase me from other's memories. i suppose it is my wanting to bring the cessation of my life to all areas of which my life impacted; school, family, friends, music etc; that if my life ends, then surely the impact my life goes away as well.

obviously i know this isn't logical but it doesn't make me want it any less. the idea of being perceived even in life makes me ill. the idea of being perceived when i am gone makes me somehow even more ill lol.

i just wish i could've been spared life in the first place. replace me with someone else, another "version" of me that is not me. maybe they would've done better than i.

 

[SomewhatLoved]

i fully understand the permanence and finality of suicide. my death will result in the termination of any possible future and replace it with an infinite blank.

what bothers me however is that my death does not erase or nullify that i was here. even if that impact is just the fact that people knew of me and i had parents/family. i somewhat childishly hope that my suicide would yank me from this timeline and erase me from other's memories. i suppose it is my wanting to bring the cessation of my life to all areas of which my life impacted; school, family, friends, music etc; that if my life ends, then surely the impact my life goes away as well.

obviously i know this isn't logical but it doesn't make me want it any less. the idea of being perceived even in life makes me ill. the idea of being perceived when i am gone makes me somehow even more ill lol.

i just wish i could've been spared life in the first place. replace me with someone else, another "version" of me that is not me. maybe they would've done better than i.

I second this. It's weird to think that across dozens of generations and millions of sperm and ova, it ended up being me. The odds are insane that we're even alive, and it feels like a curse almost. We were very very unlucky, but I guess some people may look at it the opposite and think of this as a "gift" and "luck" instead.

 

[wham311]

Exactly the same. My poor parents. Poor pets.

 

[sixthgun]

i fully understand the permanence and finality of suicide. my death will result in the termination of any possible future and replace it with an infinite blank.

what bothers me however is that my death does not erase or nullify that i was here. even if that impact is just the fact that people knew of me and i had parents/family. i somewhat childishly hope that my suicide would yank me from this timeline and erase me from other's memories. i suppose it is my wanting to bring the cessation of my life to all areas of which my life impacted; school, family, friends, music etc; that if my life ends, then surely the impact my life goes away as well.

obviously i know this isn't logical but it doesn't make me want it any less. the idea of being perceived even in life makes me ill. the idea of being perceived when i am gone makes me somehow even more ill lol.

i just wish i could've been spared life in the first place. replace me with someone else, another "version" of me that is not me. maybe they would've done better than i.

I feel you. All I've done is make people uncomfortable with my weirdness and inconvenience the people around me. I just hope they'll forget about me in a few years.