I wish I could cry forever

[dead lightbulb]

I wish I could be sad.

The only emotion I feel is anger. Along with it's cousins annoyance, frustration, bitterness, jealousy, etc.

Otherwise I'm numb. I don't feel the way I'm supposed to. The difference between me and a corpse is my ability to take in air. Anxiety. Paranoia. Migraines. Boredom. Fear. No relief. Thoughts on top of thoughts on top of thoughts bombarding my half melted brain.
"How do I pass the time...."
"Should I just kill myself?"
Endless questioning that always start with "Why..?"
Wishing for a way out of this body. Everything's a distraction from the dread of death.

 

[jodes2]

My boredom might be the end of me so I know how you feel there. I used to have migraines too for a while, they're hell. I just don't enjoy anything

 

[flightless bird]

I cry a lot, I crawl on the floor crying everyday. I don't recommend it, my eyes hurt so much now and the headache after is really bad.

 

[BipolarExpress]

I think a lot of people with severe depression to the point of wanting to kill themselves are beyond crying and other obvious signs of sadness. When you're that far gone, you feel so separate from everyone else that expressing emotions doesn't even seem right. Or at least that's how I feel, anyway: I'm so depressed that I can't even feel my sadness anymore. When I can actually cry or come close to it, that's usually an improvement.

 

[Hollowman]

I'm numb almost all the time. I used to get angy a lot (mostly at myself) but it's like my brain flipped a switch and now nothing pisses me off anymore. A family member is about to die and I feel nothing about it, it's horrible. I'm sorry you're experiencing the numbness too.

 

[toasterbath]

Thoughts on top of thoughts on top of thoughts bombarding my half melted brain.
"How do I pass the time...."
"Should I just kill myself?"

fuck this is so accurate and exactly what goes through my head every morning. nothing feels worth doing anymore.

i've been crying on the regular but it doesn't feel like that type of cry where you feel some sort of relief after. even worse is if it gets so uncontrollable and it just feels so painful.

 

[theboy]

so sad and deep

 

[FuneralCry]

It can certainly be torture being trapped in the prison that is consciousness, life does just seem to be endless suffering with no real relief from ourselves as long as we still exist, it's definitely all very tiring. I do believe that it's a terrible thing to have to be aware and experience things and have thoughts. It's pointless, painful and unnecessary. I do think that many people in this world do not live, instead they just exist wishing to be gone all of the time.

But there certainly is nothing more ideal than permanent non existence at least to me. This useless experience called life with all it's unlimited ways to torture people will finally be over, with not even the awareness that we are dead. Instead there will simply be nothing for all eternity.
I hope that you find what you wish for.

 

[help56]

Any it people here