• ⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block. If you're located in the UK, we recommend using a VPN to maintain access.

nightlygem

nightlygem

La Joya
Sep 27, 2023
185
Me and my partner have had arguments and lots of serious discussions with each other because of how they feel that they're not loved. That I cannot love them because I can't love myself.
And I know this to be true. It's hard to trust them because I can't trust myself. It's hard to reach out to them because I can barely reach out to others. It's hard for me to care for them when I do not care for myself.

I want to recover and be better for my partner, but I also am coming to the realization that If I don't get any better, CTB may be my best option. I know it's a stupid decision, and they will feel lots of responsibility for what I will have done, but I feel like I'm proving them right. They got irritated with me and said I broke their trust when I confided in someone else for comfort when I was impulsively trying to ctb. I thought: maybe I should've ended my life right then and there. so that none of this could have happened.

"I sought someone else's comfort, which means I could end up seeking pleasure and comfort from other people". That's their logic. Now I've completely broken their trust and I'm doing everything I can do gain it back. I broke our promise…

I'm at a loss. I will continue to try to improve my relationship with them and myself, but I also feel like disappearing will set them free from the torture that is myself.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Princess_Kitty and wondering&wandering
wondering&wandering

wondering&wandering

Too often I think about the nature of thinking...
Jan 12, 2024
288
Wow, that sucks. I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm at a loss. I will continue to try to improve my relationship with them and myself, but I also feel like disappearing will set them free from the torture that is myself.
It's a noble thing for you to continue trying. If you ever feel like you should disappear from your partner's life I'd just make sure you're not assuming that you're torture to them. I'm not saying it'd be an easy conversation, but I've learned making assumptions about other's peoples feelings usually ends bad.

May you find peace. Feel free to PM if you need to vent anymore. We're here for you.
 

Similar threads

gardenfairy
Replies
2
Views
89
Suicide Discussion
blacksand
blacksand
socrates.
Replies
3
Views
143
Recovery
alwaysalone
A
lavenderlilylies
Replies
2
Views
161
Suicide Discussion
Ch4in3dcr0w
Ch4in3dcr0w
D
Replies
5
Views
134
Suicide Discussion
dontaskmewhatithink
D
musingsofaghost
Replies
1
Views
131
Suicide Discussion
danivodka5
danivodka5