Venting I wish I believed the lie sometimes.

[OcularFear]

Sometimes I wish I still believed in the thin veil of lies that kept me so comfortable in living. I wish I still believed that things I did really mattered, that things I said changed things, that there is some sort of purpose to any of this. But when you spend everyday listening to a voice in your head it makes you, sorta quiet, it's hard to talk around someone else talking. So, I think, alot, I think about anything I can think about. And you being to run out of things to think about, questions and answers. And you eventually begin to question things you normally wouldn't question, and after you think and think and think and realize that there either is no answer or that the answer In the end is death and that eventually everything WILL die and everything will be forgotten, turned to dust, and nothing will have mattered in the first place at that point, you stop caring. What's the purpose, what's the meaning, if there is an END. There is and END of Information, an END to the countless words you can say, an END to every conversation, relationship, life, everything has a fucking END. I think things that have endings are worthless, and don't matter in the sense that they end, and once something ends, they are gone, forgotten, done, over. They don't matter anymore. No one matters forever. Why do something if it's not permanent, why say words why live if your life will never do anything, you could cure cancer for fucks sake, colonize Mars or other planets but it's all meaningless because it's a fucking sick way to live thinking your life matters to anything or anyone, the universe can snuff you out faster than you could even see it coming. This life has no damn purpose, no damn meaning, no real reasons to live. WE ALWAYS DIE IN THE END. Everyone's story ends with death, why delay it when the ending is known, when everyones fates are set in stone. I honestly think sometimes we should all just die and get it over with, life is just prolonged suffering, and id rather it end now than have to suffer anymore, death may be the "easy way out", and seen as cowardly or whatever, I could care less because nothing matters, I'll do the easy way out if I want to, because fuck living, fuck suffering any damn longer with these voices in my head, and fuck the people who try and FORCE people to live.

P.s. apologies for my foul language and possible aggressive tone.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Would you want to live forever though? What is it you'd hope to accomplish? Do you think you could? Even given an infinite time to accomplish it in? If we all lived forever- don't you think one of the 117 billion lives that came before you that are also still alive would have already accomplished that very thing? Do you think this earth could support 117 billion humans?

I suppose I understand the grief aspect of life ending and cutting short that person's contribution to the world. I don't understand why people think it means their contribution somehow doesn't matter anymore though. I'll try to prove it... For today- try not to use anything that was invented or created by someone who is now dead. Don't switch on any lights. Don't use any technology. Don't read any books, watch any films, listen to any music by dead Artists because- their work died with them and doesn't matter anymore...

Obviously- it didn't die though and it still matters. They left a legacy behind them for us all to enjoy. Granted, some of us leave smaller legacies than others but- maybe even one person out there has a nice memory with us in it. Yes- that will also die when they do. At some point, I suppose the entire human race will die and, that will be the end of that.

I suppose that could send someone into a nihilist pit but- it also takes the stress out of living to some extent. Personally, I'm greatly troubled by the prospect of failure. That also tends to accompany wanting to achieve things in life. It can also be a relief that ultimately- it doesn't matter.

I suppose I do understand the frustration with our mortal bodies and the situation we find ourselves in. But practically speaking- how could it be any other way?