Hans Voralberg
Experienced
- Nov 6, 2021
- 229
So this is it. My hypersexuality reached the point of no return. I feel enourmous pain due to tension in my body. I had several symptoms such as fever, muscles pain, diziness during this year just because of my case.. My psyche is some kind of dead and exhausted now. I literally gave all love I had to people around me during this 1,5 year. I changed world of many people for better and this give me comfort that my life wasn't worthless.I tried to fight but I can't stand this thoughts in my head anymore. Tomorrow I will go to chemical shop and just buy medium container with SN I plan to go with Stan method when I will be fully ready. I just needed to say this that I'm ready to go. I will stay with you for few months but I made my decission today this fight is over. Now I just want a very long sleep. I'm very sorry for my mom but deep down she knows that my life will be short and full of emotional instability. I was the best son I could be. I was fu***ng academic Terminator. I did evrything to gave her happiness but now I have to go. There is a poem by Edward Stachura The letter to the left ones one of my favorite poems:
im daying
for my guilts and for my innocence
for the missing part that I feel by every
piece of my body
and my soul
for missing part tearing me apart
like a gazette coverd with loud
meaningless words
for opportunity to unite
with Unnamed Unspeakable
Unknown
for wonderfull day
for wonderfull mirages
for the views of all views
for true phantom
for the dot above the ypsylon
for a secret of death
in fear sorrow and sweat of the brow
for obviousness that was loose
for lost keys of understanding
with little spark of trust that if
seed will gone to waste the fruit will born
for lonliness of daying
because all body of the world
is a rotting corpse
because it is hard terrible and beyond endure
for chance of transformation
for people and my own unhappiness
which is my burden inside and outside of me
because everything looks only like a dream,
nightmare
because everything looks like nutrue
because everything will be annihilate and is rotting
and the only constant thing in this world is longining
for constantness
because I am no longer from this world
and maybe never was
because I don't see any rescue for me in this world
because I can't use love of the senses anymore
because noli me tangere
because I'm very tired
Indescibably exhausted
because i suffered enough
because I was crucified in my madness
and this pain was tangible for me so much
because I wanted to save all the people world from evil
and if I failed I can't find any of my fault in this
because there is nothing I can do here and I feel usless
because I don't feel cheated by the world
and I can't survive looking for guilty even in myself
but i don't feel cheated
because anyone who can stay at this world
please stay I wish you health and good luck
and when you will die
i wish you peacefull death
in my case, i go to you Shepherd Father
to maybe finally found
calmess which i deserve
which i deserve
because even madness was given to me
because everything is so painfull in me
( text lost due to author suicide drink was split on paper)
because I saffocate inside this cage
because my soul is lonely till death
because my last sheet of paper is nearly over
and just one step left and long live to live!
because I stood at the beggining
my Father grabbed me
and I will stand at the end
I will not taste the Death
(........)
This was my feelings for nearly my entire life I'm ready to go. It's question of few months I CTB probably.
im daying
for my guilts and for my innocence
for the missing part that I feel by every
piece of my body
and my soul
for missing part tearing me apart
like a gazette coverd with loud
meaningless words
for opportunity to unite
with Unnamed Unspeakable
Unknown
for wonderfull day
for wonderfull mirages
for the views of all views
for true phantom
for the dot above the ypsylon
for a secret of death
in fear sorrow and sweat of the brow
for obviousness that was loose
for lost keys of understanding
with little spark of trust that if
seed will gone to waste the fruit will born
for lonliness of daying
because all body of the world
is a rotting corpse
because it is hard terrible and beyond endure
for chance of transformation
for people and my own unhappiness
which is my burden inside and outside of me
because everything looks only like a dream,
nightmare
because everything looks like nutrue
because everything will be annihilate and is rotting
and the only constant thing in this world is longining
for constantness
because I am no longer from this world
and maybe never was
because I don't see any rescue for me in this world
because I can't use love of the senses anymore
because noli me tangere
because I'm very tired
Indescibably exhausted
because i suffered enough
because I was crucified in my madness
and this pain was tangible for me so much
because I wanted to save all the people world from evil
and if I failed I can't find any of my fault in this
because there is nothing I can do here and I feel usless
because I don't feel cheated by the world
and I can't survive looking for guilty even in myself
but i don't feel cheated
because anyone who can stay at this world
please stay I wish you health and good luck
and when you will die
i wish you peacefull death
in my case, i go to you Shepherd Father
to maybe finally found
calmess which i deserve
which i deserve
because even madness was given to me
because everything is so painfull in me
( text lost due to author suicide drink was split on paper)
because I saffocate inside this cage
because my soul is lonely till death
because my last sheet of paper is nearly over
and just one step left and long live to live!
because I stood at the beggining
my Father grabbed me
and I will stand at the end
I will not taste the Death
(........)
This was my feelings for nearly my entire life I'm ready to go. It's question of few months I CTB probably.
Last edited:
