I will never be a kid again. I will never be that happy again

[goodjunkies]

I stumbled upon a Minecraft series I used to watch obsessively when i was really young and got waves of nostalgia. I was so much happier then, not plagued with terrible thinking— A mind rotten by stresses, self-critiques, all the poor. Why can't I just be happy again?
I haven't even reached age 20 yet, it is unbearable to even think about how I will be that age in less than a year. And that my "childhood" years are over. I am far from home for school now, I won't ever be living that same life under the roof of my parents. It will never be the same as before. I don't think I can keep doing this

 

[Ambivalent1]

I rode the nostalgia train until 30.

 

[FitsTime]

You can be a kid again. If you find the right people to be happy during nights etc... I know ppl playing videogames at night after working hours or in the free time etc... You can start a relationship with somene that runs or Cooks for hobby and you can have nice adventures togheter...

 

[Ambivalent1]

You can be a kid again. If you find the right people to be happy during nights etc... I know ppl playing videogames at night after working hours or in the free time etc... You can start a relationship with somene that runs or Cooks for hobby and you can have nice adventures togheter...

How?

 

[FitsTime]

How?

Nice question. Luck and will.

 

[Jiyuurakka]

I stumbled upon a Minecraft series I used to watch obsessively when i was really young and got waves of nostalgia. I was so much happier then, not plagued with terrible thinking— A mind rotten by stresses, self-critiques, all the poor. Why can't I just be happy again?
I haven't even reached age 20 yet, it is unbearable to even think about how I will be that age in less than a year. And that my "childhood" years are over. I am far from home for school now, I won't ever be living that same life under the roof of my parents. It will never be the same as before. I don't think I can keep doing this

I think it's partly because as a child we always assumed the World to make sense and adults to be in control of their own lives. After reaching a certain age when we start trying to make sense of the World, we realise that no one really has any idea of what they're doing or where they're going.
We might not be able to get those days back, but we can get some semblance of comfort by seeing that virtually every other person is forever lost like us, and by also not taking these people seriously when they themselves are no better than anyone.
Life doesn't take the living seriously, so why should we?

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I understand this very well I am obsessed with wanting to be a child again those were the happy years back when life was good, I had friends, wasn´t plagued by physical and mental illnesses life was just so fun, exciting and perfect. I have written a lot of threads about this in case you or anyone else is interested if you feel the same way.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/search/1555709/?q=childhood&c[title_only]=1&c[users]=TheGoodGuy&o=relevance

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

I don't think I was happy when I was a kid (before school) - frequent sicknesses, lots of problems, almost constant anxiety, poor parents, and so on. There were few good moments, but that's that.

 

[Malaria]

I feel the same way OP. My childhood wasn't always great, but it was the only time in my life I was genuinely happy. Going through puberty honestly fucked up my mental state, I felt like I was better at managing my negative emotions before I hit puberty.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't think I was happy when I was a kid (before school) - frequent sicknesses, lots of problems, almost constant anxiety, poor parents, and so on. There were few good moments, but that's that.

Aside from your last sentence as I never had a single good moment during my entire life, I relate with what you said. I wasn't happy as a kid and I'm not happy now either. For me existence has always been a curse

 

[Iamtired]

You can be a kid again. If you find the right people to be happy during nights etc... I know ppl playing videogames at night after working hours or in the free time etc... You can start a relationship with somene that runs or Cooks for hobby and you can have nice adventures togheter...

Yes! I promise you it's true.

 

[INTJme]

Happy childhood? Damn, what's that like?

 

[Iamtired]

I stumbled upon a Minecraft series I used to watch obsessively when i was really young and got waves of nostalgia. I was so much happier then, not plagued with terrible thinking— A mind rotten by stresses, self-critiques, all the poor. Why can't I just be happy again?
I haven't even reached age 20 yet, it is unbearable to even think about how I will be that age in less than a year. And that my "childhood" years are over. I am far from home for school now, I won't ever be living that same life under the roof of my parents. It will never be the same as before. I don't think I can keep doing this

Believe it or not but….most people who have grown up in adversity feel this way. It's a struggle especially if there's underlying mental health problems and you feel like you've been neglected and abused. But I promise you that it can get better over time. I'm living proof of a lifetime of mental And health struggles and I'm still having fun. There are always going to be bad days but I've come To weed out the people in my life who deserve me and the ones who do NOT.

 

[Z-A]

I was genuinely happy and clueless in middle school, we had a big class and many girls ;) I loved the times.

Unfortunately after that, everything changed in a negative direction, starting from high school. I became more depressed each year passing by.

As of right now, I'm sort of neutral, I want to die but also wish things to be different at the same time. Realistically things won't change for me like I want them to, but I don't think it really matters anymore.

I'm not in the worst state but there are periods where I have mental breakdowns that make me very suicidal.

So yeah, I can sort of relate to this OP. In my opinion we can't be the same anymore, at least not like we wanted. It's either accepting this life as it is or forcefully reject it with a lot of pain.