I will die slowly from a Paracetamol Overdose thats fine because everyday I am slowly dying

[FireFox]

Paracetamol overdoses is known to be a painful death but I am taking that risk.To be saved from a Paracetamol overdose a person has be given an antidote called Intravenous acetylcysteine. The is antidote is effective in preventing liver damage only when given within 8 hours of the overdose. If a person is outside the 8 hour window they will slowly die from liver failure within days.

This is a risk I will take because at least I will die. Dying slowly doesn't scare me anymore because everyday I can feel my soul and myself dying.

Everyday when I look in the mirror to see my eyes all I see is nothing deep inside. What I mean by nothing is no spark, no warmth, no joy and all I see an empty tunnel . I don't recognise my reflection anymore all I see is a stranger behind the glass mirror. I don't even have the flu but everyday I feel flu like, i dont understand this . Just like the flu I am chronically exhausted all the time, I keep crying with my eyes being with my eyes puffed up and I struggle with breathing sometimes due to stress and anxiety.

My body no longer feels under my control but under the control of something else, a darker entity. Everyday I feel it. Having an eating disorder along with suicidal thoughts feels like having a doppelganger within you that stalks, shadows your life and slowly works to steal everything good you have in your life until it finally takes over your life.
As grow older I realise now people die from suicide not because their bodies succumbed to the illness but because the illness, the doppelganger won in taking total dominance of that person's body, mind and soul.

At 25 years old in 2022 my life was at an all time high and for the first time in my life I was happy and no longer suicidal. When I talk about how amazing 2022 was to people it feels like a dream but it wasn't a dream it was so real. In Autumn had the most amazing holiday in Venice, weeks later I gave my strongest ever interview performance and secured a higher paying job. I fell in love with a 55 year old older man he made me feel so special. Winter it was snowing in England during my lunch break I went to the park and seeing the snowfall it felt so magical because the first time in my life I see how beautiful things are becoming. Christmas was so amazing. I miss that year so much. 2023 was when everything constantly wrong for me since New Years Day. I went from having the best year of my life to the worst year of my life . If those events i went through in 2023 didn't happen i wouldn't be suicidal.

Turning 27 in May I was so upset this how my life turned out to be. I am constantly unsuccessful with men and unable to get over the heartbreak and pain this man has caused me while everyone else I grew up with is married or have children, my confidence is gone after getting fired last year from my first serious job after graduating university, living with my mother, i am immature for my age and the realisation of the loneliness in my life Now I am at risk of losing my university place which I was forced to defer last year.

I am under enormous stress currently waiting for the decision my masters loam application to get approved because staff Student Finance England and university I have a place for keep messing up the paperwork landing me in problems. If I don't get my application approved I will kill myself losing that place means I lose everything. Everyone around me has something big in their lives a successful career, a marriage or some big achievement what I have got to show for my life ? Nothing, I am just a loser

I never used to believe in bad luck but now I believe its real because things constantly keep going wrong for me especially at the last minute whenever I am approaching something good. I am sick and tired of fighting and the constant cycle of things going wrong.
I have finally reached breaking point. I am never going to have those good times again I had at 25. My life at 27 is over, it feels like it everyday.

 

[timetodie24]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
SFE is such a pain, I really hope you will wait and consider all options for funding and alternative paths (so many careers don't require masters or you can get jobs that pay to do masters whilst working) . You are not a loser, I know it doesn't seem like it but so many people in their 20s and beyond have no idea wtf they're doing (me included). I do understand that your reasons are more complex though and not just about 1 thing.
I'm not going to talk you out of ctb, as that is your choice. I am so sorry for all the pain you have endured and enduring as it sounds like you really can never catch a brain. I understand wanting to end that. It seems so exhausting and you deserve peace in whatever way you wish.

But I just hope you reconsider your method. Or at least you fully understand it first as info in your post is wrong.

I just wanted to point out that NAC is effective after 8hrs. It just reduces in efficiency but even after 24hrs people have survibed. The generally wait until 4hrs to do blood tests as it needs time to absorb into your blood and then by the time treatment is started it can be longer. So they really wouldn't risk waiting 5hrs if it was so ineffective after 8. Efficacy starts to reduce after 8hrs, significantly more after 16 and then 24hrs but still has a chance.

Here's from an nhs site - "Acetylcysteine IV (N-acetylcysteine, Parvolex®, NAC) is the treatment of choice. It has near 100% efficacy in preventing paracetamol-induced hepatotoxicity if given within the first 8 hours from ingestion of overdose. It may also be effective up to and possibly beyond 24 hours. "

Source Link here - https://handbook.ggcmedicines.org.u...d-toxicity/treatment-of-paracetamol-overdose/

Also it won't necessarily kill you in days, you may be in liver failure within a few days but it can take even longer to die.

I sincerely wish you well and peace whatever you do though.

 

[FireFox]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
SFE is such a pain, I really hope you will wait and consider all options for funding and alternative paths (so many careers don't require masters or you can get jobs that pay to do masters whilst working) . You are not a loser, I know it doesn't seem like it but so many people in their 20s and beyond have no idea wtf they're doing (me included). I do understand that your reasons are more complex though and not just about 1 thing.
I'm not going to talk you out of ctb, as that is your choice. I am so sorry for all the pain you have endured and enduring as it sounds like you really can never catch a brain. I understand wanting to end that. It seems so exhausting and you deserve peace in whatever way you wish.

But I just hope you reconsider your method. Or at least you fully understand it first as info in your post is wrong.

I just wanted to point out that NAC is effective after 8hrs. It just reduces in efficiency but even after 24hrs people have survibed. The generally wait until 4hrs to do blood tests as it needs time to absorb into your blood and then by the time treatment is started it can be longer. So they really wouldn't risk waiting 5hrs if it was so ineffective after 8. Efficacy starts to reduce after 8hrs, significantly more after 16 and then 24hrs but still has a chance.

Here's from an nhs site - "Acetylcysteine IV (N-acetylcysteine, Parvolex®, NAC) is the treatment of choice. It has near 100% efficacy in preventing paracetamol-induced hepatotoxicity if given within the first 8 hours from ingestion of overdose. It may also be effective up to and possibly beyond 24 hours. "

Source Link here - https://handbook.ggcmedicines.org.u...d-toxicity/treatment-of-paracetamol-overdose/

Also it won't necessarily kill you in days, you may be in liver failure within a few days but it can take even longer to die.

I sincerely wish you well and peace whatever you do though.

@ijustwishtodie I watched a YouTuber who shared his story of surviving an overdose in January 2020. The video was made in April 2020. In the video he mentioned having liver problems as result of the drug he used.

He didn't specify the drug he used. Three months after he made the video he successfully killed himself via overdosing. His channel is still up.

Father who vlogged about suicide 'not being the answer' overdosed three months later

He was reported as being in a "good mood" just days before his suicide

www.readingchronicle.co.uk

 

[timetodie24]

@ijustwishtodie I watched a YouTuber who shared his story of surviving an overdose in January 2020. The video was made in April 2020. In the video he mentioned having liver problems as result of the drug he used.

He didn't specify the drug he used. Three months after he made the video he successfully killed himself via overdosing. His channel is still up.

Father who vlogged about suicide 'not being the answer' overdosed three months later

He was reported as being in a "good mood" just days before his suicide

www.readingchronicle.co.uk

I'm not sure I understand your point ?
Yes it might have been paracetemol or could have been any other hepatotoxic drugs or a combination. No way of knowing.
Not denying people die from paracetamol OD as there are many cases. However, so many more tried and failed (myself included). Plenty of times I've been in a&e and heard other patients having NaC, it is extremely common and deaths are rare these days. Individual effects vary too as some people's livers can just handle more than others.

It has a very low success rate but I do understand though if you're desperate enough to take that risk.

 

[Relic]

I just wanted to point out that NAC is effective after 8hrs. It just reduces in efficiency but even after 24hrs people have survibed. The generally wait until 4hrs to do blood tests as it needs time to absorb into your blood and then by the time treatment is started it can be longer. So they really wouldn't risk waiting 5hrs if it was so ineffective after 8. Efficacy starts to reduce after 8hrs, significantly more after 16 and then 24hrs but still has a chance.

That, and it also depends on natural GSH levels of an individual. Someone with sufficient reserves can take a lot of damage, and recover. The liver is an amazing organ, with the ability to rebuild itself in just a few weeks. Without that ability a lot of things humans throw down the neck could be very damaging.

The amount of toxic metabolite (NAPQI) produced from the acetaminophen can differ from person to person, depending on age, general health, and also the genetic makeup.

N-acetylcysteine is also available as a supplement for those who take high doses of acetaminophen daily for pain management, and oral ROA is preferred in some cases.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

This simply isn't true, it can take a hell of a lot longer.

I don't understand why you'd pick paracetamol? As someone that has OD'ed on it many times, I can tell you it isn't just painful.. it is the most excruciating agony you will ever experience, and will not be worth it.

You will be SCREAMING in agony, and it won't be for a short while either, and there will be absolutely nothing anyone can do for you. You'll be literally throwing it up, and even that is... the most excruciating pain ever, that's without all the stomach pain.

You ever thrown up ACID? That's how it feels. Like pure acid. Everything burns - your stomach, oesophagus, mouth, throat. Everything will feel like you're on FIRE ON THE INSIDE. You won't be able to talk either, because every little movement will be so painful, because you've just been throwing up ACID. And it's all you'll be able to taste, and absolutely nothing will ease it, or get rid of it. Water will make you feel sick, everything will, and it'll burn in your mouth. Paracetamol vomit sticks around for a while, too.

I still rememeber the last time I overdosed on it, probably 10-12 years ago now. Never did it again, I finally learned my lesson, and I took a lot. I was in my early 20s at the time, and struggling a lot, like you, couldn't see a way out, I thought that was it, but I was so wrong.

There is no guarantee it will kill you either, the liver can absorb a lot, you would be surprised. I have OD'ed on many things over the years, and a few times I didn't get help - I was jaundice for a bit though.

3 days isn't a guarantee either. There is absolutely no guarantee you'll die, perhaps of liver failure a long time later - who knows? But until then, you'll be in excruciating pain. Or perhaps you won't die. It is not worth the pain

Personally, I'd pick a different method. There are many out there.

 

[KillingPain267]

2023 was also my breaking point. 2015-2020 was my peak happiness (yes, even during covid lockdowns). Every single fucking memory from 2015-2021 makes me cry thinking back on. I believe "crippling nostalgia" should be a legit medical neurological diagnosis, separate or as a sub-category of depression. It actually was when the term was first coined.

 

[FireFox]

2023 was also my breaking point. 2015-2020 was my peak happiness (yes, even during covid lockdowns). Every single fucking memory from 2015-2021 makes me cry thinking back on. I believe "crippling nostalgia" should be a legit medical neurological diagnosis, separate or as a sub-category of depression. It actually was when the term was first coined.

@KillingPain267 I can relete so much every single memory from 2022 makes me cry so much too.

I cry when I see the all the pictures I took in 2022 because it was a happier time in my life and for the first time I wasn't suicidal.

Everyday I still can't believe how I once had everything going for me to now having nothing going for me and a long line of things constantly going wrong especially at the minute when I am on the cusp of something great happening to me.

I never used to understand why people kill themselves because I was raised to believe it is "cowardly", "selfish" and "wrong" but
After fighting for so long I can no longer overcome daily the mental pain and torment that keeps circulating in my head. I

I don't want to see another decade anymore. Life is a bullshit game and I am done playing.

I really wanted to live

 

[UKscotty]

Paracetamol won't kill you, it will just mess up your insides and leave you in agony.