Story I went to a psychiatrist for the first time

[NutOrat]

Idk what to tag this post with, it's both a story and a vent, and also I have questions. Whatever.

2 weeks ago I made a choice I still think was wrong. I was very suicidal, more than usual. That night was supposed to be the night I finally put that rope to use, but instead I told my father. Not everything, but a lot. He was mortified, I know he cares a lot about me and that knowledge hurt even more. Two days later I get an SMS confirmation that I have a psychiatrist appointment. I wasn't mad at him, but I was startled. And scared, I never went to any kind of therapy before.

The appointment went.. well, it was very much not what I expected. I've heard others make this comparison, and it's spot on: it felt like an interrogation. She gave no concrete questions, only brief general ones like "so what's bothering you? and what else?" over and over. I can't fucking say these things out of the blue, I'm terrible at expressing myself when put on a spot like this. In any case, about 30 minutes pass she writes me a prescription for an antidepressant, antipsychotic, benzodiazepine and sleeping pills.

Is this a normal? I did not expect to get a prescription on my first visit, it felt like she didn't even care. She just wanted me out ASAP, it was also apparent she really didn't like me (fair, I am a loser parasite). Maybe I'm overthinking it. But I'll hold out on trying these for now, that stuff with all the strories about withdrawal symptoms freaks me out.

She also told me to go to a therapist next. I was supposed to look for one today, but I spent most of it bedrotting because I'm scared. What if I pick a wrong one? How do I know what to look for? I'll have to actually do something with myself, work on my issues, I can't do that! What if I lay out my soul to one therapist, and we're incompatible, I'll have to do that to another or more? This is already too much. I made the wrong choice that night.

 

[ElTopo]

Is this a normal? I did not expect to get a prescription on my first visit, it felt like she didn't even care. She just wanted me out ASAP, it was also apparent she really didn't like me (fair, I am a loser parasite). Maybe I'm overthinking it. But I'll hold out on trying these for now, that stuff with all the strories about withdrawal symptoms freaks me out.

That's a pretty big red flag in my opinion, these are the "professionals" you should try to stay away from. You should try someone else if you're still considering a psychiatrist, maybe ask beforehand if they do analysis, you could also consider normal therapy.

And you shouldn't feel like they are entitled not to like you, in a medical setting it is pretty messed up that they made you feel that way.

 

[NutOrat]

That's a pretty big red flag in my opinion, these are the "professionals" you should try to stay away from. You should try someone else if you're still considering a psychiatrist, maybe ask beforehand if they do analysis, you could also consider normal therapy.

And you shouldn't feel like they are entitled not to like you, in a medical setting it is pretty messed up that they made you feel that way.

As I said, I might have taken it the wrong way and am probably overthinking it. No-one is entitled to anything, and I understand anyone who dislikes me bc there isn't a single person who hates me more than me.

I guess I'll try to look for a regular therapist for now, and maybe ask them about these prescriptions and see what they think. Idk.

 

[sheeplit]

Prescriptions on first visit is a major red flag. Especially when you were having trouble expressing yourself. You don't need to have a background on psychology to notice this in someone. It takes far more than an hour to get to understand what someone is going through. No amount of training will speed that up. Textbook knuckleheads that don't know how to do their jobs. They hear a few buzzwords and think they have you figured out and drown you in medication. This is why I hate the industry.

If you're keen on looking for a therapist, here's my advice. You will end up picking the wrong one. Probably. This won't be your fault. That's just how it tends to go. You may have to keep looking.

Find someone you feel comfortable talking with and expressing yourself. If you aren't comfortable talking with them, it defeats the purpose of the therapy. It is a conversation, fundamentally, so find someone you feel you can talk to.

Find someone who asks good, probing questions. Preferably one who is careful with traversing the minefield that you might be, but not far too careful so as not to go anywhere at all. There should be a good balance of discomfort. The point is to get to understand yourself better and find solutions. It should be somewhat uncomfortable, and not just a safe venting space.

Take it slow and consider expressing your fears about therapy itself as you've mentioned here. A proper therapist understands these things. This would also give them a surface level understanding of your fears in general without you having to spill your guts to them.

Take your time. If you have social anxiety or trust issues, it can be difficult even just trying to meet a therapist, much harder multiple therapists over time. If you go in there all scared and freeze up, you'd just waste your time and money. Therapy costs money, unfortunately.

On your first few sessions with a therapist, you don't have to dive in to the heavy stuff right away. Don't be afraid to ask your therapist questions. Get to know them a bit. Ask about their process. Discuss your fears or hesitancies about it openly. This is basic stuff. If they go rigid on you, that would probably be your cue to find another.

The more your therapist understands your difficulty to open yourself up, for whatever reason, the easier it is for them to work with you on it. Remember, they should be working WITH you, not forcing things on you. If you can, and if you feel comfortable, try to be transparent with your fears no matter how small. If you feel judged by them, or you feel that they aren't listening, or feel they are misunderstanding you, voice it out. With the right therapist, this will make things a lot easier on both of you.

You don't have to work on anything right away. That can come later. If you're a mess, sorting out what's going on in your head is the priority. Fixing things comes later, when you have a better understanding of things and have worked through ideas with your therapist about how to go about trying to 'fix' things.

Remember, you are employing them to help you. You are ultimately in charge. You set the tempo. You decide if you want to go further or not. They can help you with these things, but you have the final say, not them.

One last thing, take it easy on yourself. Whatever it is you think of yourself, true or otherwise, constantly beating and berating yourself doesn't do anyone any good. Learn to look at yourself without judgment. It may be difficult, and it may take some time. But trust me when I say, it makes things a lot easier.