Story I went on a date

[Sarros]

I went on a date last night, first time in a long time. We met on Tinder. We went to a bar she frequents. I don't really go to bars so I just sat there, nursing a drink and staring into space til she got there.
There's a lot of awkward lulls and pauses in the conversation. We leave the bar and walk around for a bit til we go to another one. We drink some more and the conversation picks up and I'm matching their energy.

Towards the end of the night, she asks me about how many relationships I've been in and how long they were. I tell her the truth; I've only been in one, long term relationship. She said it's a red fflag. I kinda knew it was coming but still a little frustrating. I don't think being in multiple relationships is necessarily a good indicator for success in future relationships, the opposite I would think, is true. I gotta hit this magic number of partners before I'm dateable I guess.

Eventually, we hug, say good night, and part ways. She said it'd be fun to hang out again, I had fun too. So at the prospect of this going anywhere, I guess my plans to CTB are put on hold for now.

 

[daley]

Congrats on the date, and on your 100th post!

 

[Hero Remeer]

May the relationship flow and whatever happens, happen
At least you entertained and learned something, everything helps
Greetings, be well

 

[mango-meridian]

I get super frustrated by "red flag culture" or whatever you want to call it. Yeah, there are things you can notice in a person that would indicate they're not a good person to date. Obviously.

But in a lot of ways it feels like dating has become (at least in my experience) a game of trying to dodge having any of the red flags.

E.g... Do you have a job? Do you have a car? Do you have any severe mental health issues? Do you have relationship experience? Do you have a good relationship with your mom? Do you exercise? Do you have at least a few active hobbies? Do you cook for yourself? The list goes on and on.

And people think that once they find someone that checks all these boxes, that that person is good & safe to date, but it's not true.

And for any one of these "red flags" (at least the ones I listed), there are any number of legitimate reasons why someone might have them that wouldn't indicate they're a bad partner. I struggle with a number of these because my executive function is terrible. I just don't have an "engine" to do a lot of things in a given day.

One day, I hope my mental health improves and then I will be able to take dating more seriously again. At that point, I'm sure people will be wary of me for a lot of the same reasons as they have been wary of you. Sigh.