Venting I wasn't supposed to make it this far

[helicoptero]

I was supposed to CTB in July. Had a plan in mind and my goodbye letters written. But then when I researched a bit more about the method in question, it seemed like there was a high chance of survival and also people that happened to pass by could be traumatized.

It bothers me how hard it is to find the right method, it feels like each day it's harder to leave this place peacefully.

I don't know what to do. I wasn't supposed to make it this far. Now the classes have started and I don't know what I will do. I know I won't be able to handle it, I went for the presentation day and ended up in really bad physical and mental condition.

I feel everyone is pressuring me to go. Therapists, family and friends. I've tried to explain to them that I'm not ready for that, but they don't seem to be able to understand how I feel, maybe they think I'm exaggerating.

I'm afraid to end up in psych ward again. I know it will most likely happen if I keep going to class. But at the same time, psych ward sounds better than that torture.

I didn't mind about enrolling in classes because I wasn't supposed to be alive right now, but now that I am, I'm suffering the consequences of it.

I just need a hug, I'm sorry for writing so much.

 

[Seered Doom]

I feel similar. My due date was in 2014-2015, but I kept getting stopped.

 

[helicoptero]

I feel similar. My due date was in 2014-2015, but I kept getting stopped.

I'm sorry, I know it feels awful to be on this "limbo" state

 

[hopelessness009]

I relate to u. I never thought i'd be able to ctd. Cus every method is so painful and not everything is 100% guranteed.

Just wish there were painless and easy methods more readily availble

I'd hug u if i could. I think i also need a hug..

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it so horrible how we cannot just leave this world in peace, I hate how suicide is so unnecessarily difficult, I get that it's so dreadful and tiring having to continue existing when you just wish to be gone. But anyway best wishes, it really would be such a relief if suicide is much more straightforward, it would prevent so much suffering.

 

[Seered Doom]

Imagine if we had a waiver to sign and we can do it without parental or guardian supervision. Be much easier for the disabled.

 

[NeedPeace83]

Suffering living and suffering dying, It is so sad how hard it is to find peace in this stupid world.