wastingpotential
drowning, always.
- Feb 8, 2023
- 167
i was on the brink of finally being in a place in life where i am somewhat happy. where i felt i could take back all the pain one country has given me and fill it with good memories, i felt i had good friends even when i felt lonely surrounded by any of them, home life was still so stressful but there was always something to keep me out of it and roaming away.
this always happens.
i lost everything. i lost my friends who i loved so much and i see them in every red winston cigarette box and hot starbucks beverages, i see them in cats and peoples love for them, and all i can think of is how they can continue their lives being happy and loving animals while i now fear when one stands near me because i couldn't protect my own boys enough and i fear they'll end up in the same fate as them somehow.
i lost my cats, my babies. they kept me so happy. and people knew i stopped self harming because their comfort helped me, and they still tore me away from them. i should've died in that fucking shelter instead of them, my logic of being human and not a shelter animal is no excuse.
every parental figure i have ever had has disappointed me, all i do is disappoint those who are still roaming about my life as i wait for them to leave too. scars are now back to riddling my body. i'm poison.
i will never reach a point of content, this always happens. all i want to wish for now is to see my boys again and something knocks me out and into whatever part of the afterlife i deserve to be in. i want to sleep beside them again and feel their purring against my body. i want peace. i don't even deserve it
this always happens.
i lost everything. i lost my friends who i loved so much and i see them in every red winston cigarette box and hot starbucks beverages, i see them in cats and peoples love for them, and all i can think of is how they can continue their lives being happy and loving animals while i now fear when one stands near me because i couldn't protect my own boys enough and i fear they'll end up in the same fate as them somehow.
i lost my cats, my babies. they kept me so happy. and people knew i stopped self harming because their comfort helped me, and they still tore me away from them. i should've died in that fucking shelter instead of them, my logic of being human and not a shelter animal is no excuse.
every parental figure i have ever had has disappointed me, all i do is disappoint those who are still roaming about my life as i wait for them to leave too. scars are now back to riddling my body. i'm poison.
i will never reach a point of content, this always happens. all i want to wish for now is to see my boys again and something knocks me out and into whatever part of the afterlife i deserve to be in. i want to sleep beside them again and feel their purring against my body. i want peace. i don't even deserve it
