I was raped...

[Caoine01]

too late to report.

I think it is never too late to report. He/they will make it agin.
Shurly they could not send to jail today, but the police is informed.

But I understand this would be a horror for you again.

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

I don't care that much if someone hurts me, but I can't stand seeing someone else being tortured/abused.

I feel the same, it really kinda sets me off if I see someone going through something that seems familiar to me. I rarely get angry but I guess when it comes to things I can relate to it can make me so angry.

however I want to ask, can you tell me more about your story?

Yeah, I can do; I really appreciate you asking. <3

tl;dr: It was my first boyfriend, he used me while i was asleep against my explicitly not consenting, and he was a psychopath and sadist.

When I was 13, I had started getting into alcohol a bit too much. My morning routine would be basically just: Shower, cut, patch wounds, breakfast, then a few shots of pretty high proof rum while out the door to school. I'd also bring a bottle of vodka or something like that with me so I didn't have to sober up before getting back home. (When I couldn't get my hands on alcohol, I'd drink hand-sanitiser with denatured alcohol in it, not a good idea but I needed it for anxiety.)
Anyway, that's sort of what my school life was like til I dropped out. The point is I was already developing an alcohol addiction I just hadn't realised it yet.
I had a few friends in school though despite my very embarrassing mental breakdowns which happened pretty often then.
Sometime later, my closest friend at the time introduced one of her friends to me; he was a very... charismatic? person, very unique but he wasn't bullied for it pretty much everyone I knew liked him too.
I'm not sure why he took an interest in me, I never found out either; but he'd sometimes just pop up behind me, which I found a bit odd but not like, creepy, he was already eccentric, but sometimes I'd turn around and see him just staring at me, that did creep me out at first but I thought maybe he had some mild autism or something.
Anyway, we became friends pretty fast, and we spent a lot of time alone together too. I like interesting people, and he was extremely not normal and just generally a fun and charming guy. Neither of us had much of a filter, and we talked about basically anything no matter how taboo it was. I thought we had good chemistry, but he was still pining after a girl he was never going to actually get with for the majority of our friendship (she was part of the little group I was in too.) When he accepted she didn't want him, he started being a lot more flirty with me, Oftentimes we'd just visit eachother, get a takeout, and watch a movie or something, it was nice.
Something else that is kinda relevant later is because neither of us really filtered what we said to eachother he already knew I was suicidal, that I self-harmed very frequently, that I was basically an alcoholic at that point, and that I was also an extreme masochist. And likewise I knew he had a very sadistic sexual appetite. Both of us were still virgins.
Then, one evening he came over, we were drinking and goofing about, and at one point he asked me out in a very unceremonious way, in hindsight, I shouldn't have just said yes within a few minutes, we were both fairly drunk, and if I was smarter maybe I'd have at least slept on it.
But I was excited, I liked this guy and he seemed to like me. We had good chemistry, and a good overlap of sexual interests.
It was very awkward for us at first since neither of us really knew what we were doing at all regarding romantic relationships but I think that's pretty common, right?
The power dynamic was already a bit skewed from the start; but I consented to that, we both liked SM and he was far more domineering than he came across at school, but again I found that hot.
Not much changed though, just that we'd be more intimate and lenient with what we did together and the frequency of when he stayed the night increased. The relationship was very short, all of the ones I had before I was diagnosed correctly and finally at least knew the problem
My drinking was getting heavier over time, as my anxiety was. I was starting to worry why my sex drive had almost disappeared, and he was clearly getting annoyed at me for not wanting to fuck very often.
So, not long before we split, he came over one night like normal, cause I'd just gotten two crates of beer and a large bottle of cheap vodka, and I wanted to get really wasted with him, I thought it'd be pretty fun.
I don't have much memory of the night itself, I was fading in and out of consciousness by the time he started asking to fuck again, but I didn't want to, I was enjoying just hanging out and getting wasted.
I was completely blindo at this point, and he kept coming on to me. I don't remember it well because of how wasted I was, but he slowly moved up to me, pushing me back in to the corner of the room, and I was trying to push him away. I said "no", "i don't want to", "stop", etc.
He didn't stop but I passed out before I knew what he was doing, and I have always been very frail and weak; he wasn't an athlete or anything but he could still overpower me with relative ease.

I woke up the next morning and he was sleeping next to me, it took me a few minutes to notice there was a.. very suspicious looking stain on my shirt and like, and what was very obviously dried ejaculation fluid on my midriff.
I started freaking out, not really knowing what I should do, not knowing what other things he might've done for me while I was asleep, etc.
I sprinted upstairs to the bathroom, immediately locked the door, took off my ruined clothing and threw them under a towel. I spent the next few hours crying in that shower scrubbing myself in the same place over and over and over again and I still felt this filthy.

The weird thing about it was, we both kinda just kept going on despite what had happened
But I started to get bothered when I could tell he was enjoying my reactions to being afraid of him. I was scared to add anything ore remove it.

Had thought it had been an amicable split, based on the message he sent, but it clearly wasn't.

He would smirk at me random times in public, just as a way to remind me of it, if I slept in the same house as him.
I never would've never trusted him to not brutalize me really.
I was at the entire mercy of a literally psychopath who enjoyed my suffering.

When he and I went to my other friend's birthday party, he showed his true colours; the first time we were in a room together alone he started screaming into my face blaming me for this,that,the other, blaming me for everything, i was about to quit but my friend said I could wait til he leaves and spend the night, so but then he hit my friend when she took my side.
. I started crying again and went to go leave the function.

Anyway, that was a huge post, sorry. I think I'd rather stop thinking about it for now though it's not really pleasant to remember.

I hope you're managing okay.

 

[Lavander 230]

Everything about this situation is horrible. Are you in the United States? If so, I suggest you go to a Crisis Rape Center and speak to someone there. Given how things can work sometimes (misogyny, etc.), it would be a very good thing for you to have some good support as you navigate through the "justice" system. For real, it can feel as though you are being assaulted a second time, what with one thing and another. I don't mean to discourage you from doing it, but it isn't good to go into it blindly. Please get some help if you can.

I am so sorry this happened to you.

*Sigh*
Most of you are wishing me to take some sort of action just so you can see some of of revenge. Fine, I'll go there, tell the police, and tell you the results afterwards. I hope everything goes well though cause I'm really scared.

 

[SweetSacrifice]

What country are you in? I know a bit about the justice system in the UK so may be able to help you of that's where you're from.

X

 

[Lavander 230]

I feel the same, it really kinda sets me off if I see someone going through something that seems familiar to me. I rarely get angry but I guess when it comes to things I can relate to it can make me so angry.


Yeah, I can do; I really appreciate you asking. <3

tl;dr: It was my first boyfriend, he used me while i was asleep against my explicitly not consenting, and he was a psychopath and sadist.

When I was 13, I had started getting into alcohol a bit too much. My morning routine would be basically just: Shower, cut, patch wounds, breakfast, then a few shots of pretty high proof rum while out the door to school. I'd also bring a bottle of vodka or something like that with me so I didn't have to sober up before getting back home. (When I couldn't get my hands on alcohol, I'd drink hand-sanitiser with denatured alcohol in it, not a good idea but I needed it for anxiety.)
Anyway, that's sort of what my school life was like til I dropped out. The point is I was already developing an alcohol addiction I just hadn't realised it yet.
I had a few friends in school though despite my very embarrassing mental breakdowns which happened pretty often then.
Sometime later, my closest friend at the time introduced one of her friends to me; he was a very... charismatic? person, very unique but he wasn't bullied for it pretty much everyone I knew liked him too.
I'm not sure why he took an interest in me, I never found out either; but he'd sometimes just pop up behind me, which I found a bit odd but not like, creepy, he was already eccentric, but sometimes I'd turn around and see him just staring at me, that did creep me out at first but I thought maybe he had some mild autism or something.
Anyway, we became friends pretty fast, and we spent a lot of time alone together too. I like interesting people, and he was extremely not normal and just generally a fun and charming guy. Neither of us had much of a filter, and we talked about basically anything no matter how taboo it was. I thought we had good chemistry, but he was still pining after a girl he was never going to actually get with for the majority of our friendship (she was part of the little group I was in too.) When he accepted she didn't want him, he started being a lot more flirty with me, Oftentimes we'd just visit eachother, get a takeout, and watch a movie or something, it was nice.
Something else that is kinda relevant later is because neither of us really filtered what we said to eachother he already knew I was suicidal, that I self-harmed very frequently, that I was basically an alcoholic at that point, and that I was also an extreme masochist. And likewise I knew he had a very sadistic sexual appetite. Both of us were still virgins.
Then, one evening he came over, we were drinking and goofing about, and at one point he asked me out in a very unceremonious way, in hindsight, I shouldn't have just said yes within a few minutes, we were both fairly drunk, and if I was smarter maybe I'd have at least slept on it.
But I was excited, I liked this guy and he seemed to like me. We had good chemistry, and a good overlap of sexual interests.
It was very awkward for us at first since neither of us really knew what we were doing at all regarding romantic relationships but I think that's pretty common, right?
The power dynamic was already a bit skewed from the start; but I consented to that, we both liked SM and he was far more domineering than he came across at school, but again I found that hot.
Not much changed though, just that we'd be more intimate and lenient with what we did together and the frequency of when he stayed the night increased. The relationship was very short, all of the ones I had before I was diagnosed correctly and finally at least knew the problem
My drinking was getting heavier over time, as my anxiety was. I was starting to worry why my sex drive had almost disappeared, and he was clearly getting annoyed at me for not wanting to fuck very often.
So, not long before we split, he came over one night like normal, cause I'd just gotten two crates of beer and a large bottle of cheap vodka, and I wanted to get really wasted with him, I thought it'd be pretty fun.
I don't have much memory of the night itself, I was fading in and out of consciousness by the time he started asking to fuck again, but I didn't want to, I was enjoying just hanging out and getting wasted.
I was completely blindo at this point, and he kept coming on to me. I don't remember it well because of how wasted I was, but he slowly moved up to me, pushing me back in to the corner of the room, and I was trying to push him away. I said "no", "i don't want to", "stop", etc.
He didn't stop but I passed out before I knew what he was doing, and I have always been very frail and weak; he wasn't an athlete or anything but he could still overpower me with relative ease.

I woke up the next morning and he was sleeping next to me, it took me a few minutes to notice there was a.. very suspicious looking stain on my shirt and like, and what was very obviously dried ejaculation fluid on my midriff.
I started freaking out, not really knowing what I should do, not knowing what other things he might've done for me while I was asleep, etc.
I sprinted upstairs to the bathroom, immediately locked the door, took off my ruined clothing and threw them under a towel. I spent the next few hours crying in that shower scrubbing myself in the same place over and over and over again and I still felt this filthy.

The weird thing about it was, we both kinda just kept going on despite what had happened
But I started to get bothered when I could tell he was enjoying my reactions to being afraid of him. I was scared to add anything ore remove it.

Had thought it had been an amicable split, based on the message he sent, but it clearly wasn't.

He would smirk at me random times in public, just as a way to remind me of it, if I slept in the same house as him.
I never would've never trusted him to not brutalize me really.
I was at the entire mercy of a literally psychopath who enjoyed my suffering.

When he and I went to my other friend's birthday party, he showed his true colours; the first time we were in a room together alone he started screaming into my face blaming me for this,that,the other, blaming me for everything, i was about to quit but my friend said I could wait til he leaves and spend the night, so but then he hit my friend when she took my side.
. I started crying again and went to go leave the function.

Anyway, that was a huge post, sorry. I think I'd rather stop thinking about it for now though it's not really pleasant to remember.

I hope you're managing okay.

It seems that you were close to him at some point. Were you and him together? Cause in my case I wasn't. Thank you for sharing this but until this day I still want to kill him. Did you love him at any point of your life?

What country are you in? I know a bit about the justice system in the UK so may be able to help you of that's where you're from.

X

it's Lithuania.

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

It seems that you were close to him at some point. Were you and him together? Cause in my case I wasn't. Thank you for sharing this but until this day I still want to kill him.

Yeah we were close for a while, it was a strange time. I still think I brought a lot of it on myself.

I totally understand, I will cheer for his death honestly; I hope he dies screaming for doing that to you...

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

Is there any possible way you can cut his fucking balls off? Do that and I'll do something similar to my rapist, I promise.

I don't know where he lives anymore, last I heard of him he became a priest or something, ironic.

If I could find him before I ctb myself I'd wanna at least try.

 

[Lavander 230]

I don't know where he lives anymore, last I heard of him he became a priest or something, ironic.

If I could find him before I ctb myself I'd wanna at least try.

Which country is he from? I'm from Lithuania btw. And hey, if I do find that asshole I'll take it personal record everything for you. I've been planning this for months.

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

Which country is he from? I'm from Lithuania btw. And hey, if I do find that asshole I'll take it personal record everything for you.

England here.
If I can I'll do the same, I don't have any current plans though, but if I can't take it I wanna at least try and make the fucker suffer
Thank you <3
If it's what you feel you have to do I hope it brings you peace dear

 

[Lavander 230]

England here.
If I can I'll do the same, I don't have any current plans though, but if I can't take it I wanna at least try and make the fucker suffer
Thank you <3
If it's what you feel you have to do I hope it brings you peace dear

heh I'm from Luton. It was a quiet and a peaceful place here. I have ideas how to make him suffer but it'll probably cost my freedom (meaning I may get imprisoned and stuff), still, I made him eat something he's not supposed to. His immune system is degrading, he can'r walk properly. it's very likely he'll seek emergency care.

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

I have ideas how to make him suffer but it'll probably cost my freedom

Mmm...
I hope you're alright.

Do you think the revenge is worth your freedom?
If not, you don't have to follow it through if you don't think it's right.

 

[Lavander 230]

Mmm...
I hope you're alright.

Do you think the revenge is worth your freedom?
If not, you don't have to follow it through if you don't think it's right.

It's definitely worth it. Even after you get a sentence, everyone including judges will see you as a hero.

 

[Dayrain]

I don't know where he lives anymore, last I heard of him he became a priest or something, ironic.

Maybe not ironic. What has happened there in cases of abuse in the Catholich Church, one could get the idea that this is a prerequisite for some Religious orders to join them or so.

 

[rest in peace]

im so so sorry. love to you. as for those animals, they deserve hell, i would be dedicated to make their life a living hell, and if thats impossible, i would just kill them. tho not saying you should, this is just so upsetting and those kind of pigs don't deserve anything. please please report it tho, again im so sorry, this is heartbreaking and you deserve so much better

Maybe not ironic. What has happened there in cases of abuse in the Catholich Church, one could get the idea that this is a prerequisite for some Religious orders to join them or so.

right. religious peeps aren't exactly known for their good morals and treatment of women.

 

[Lavander 230]

im so so sorry. love to you. as for those animals, they deserve hell, i would be dedicated to make their life a living hell, and if thats impossible, i would just kill them. tho not saying you should, this is just so upsetting and those kind of pigs don't deserve anything. please please report it tho, again im so sorry, this is heartbreaking and you deserve so much better

oh thank you! Thanks for your and everyone else's support. I believe that I'll report him, I just need a bit of time, but I'll do it.

 

[rest in peace]

oh thank you! Thanks for your and everyone else's support. I believe that I'll report him, I just need a bit of time, but I'll do it.

stay strong, i cant imagine how you feel right now, if you want to talk about it in any way im here ❤

 

[EndlessX]

I'm really scared to do it though and it's been over 1 year. Should I really try?

Do it sick people like that guy need to be in jail be brave the police may do something about it do it!!

 

[Next-to-Nil]

I'm so sorry you went through something like that. It feels so... I've been there... I don't know how you feel but I get how it feels... If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here for you, and I know I'm not the only one.